Lies you tell your kids (lighthearted!)

[JeremyBeadlesLobsterHands]

Today I told DS we had run out of croissants. We hadn’t, but we only had one left and I really wanted it. I’m sat eating it now and it’s the best croissant I’ve ever had.

anyone else want to confess their little white lies they’ve told their kids?

Bananas make me heave really badly but my DC love them. I can peel them but really struggle with handling them more than that.
When the children were little I told them that the brown bits were where brown sugar came from so they'd eat the whole thing and I didn't have to touch the bananas.

My DD really enjoyed the ice lollies and ice creams last summer especially throughout the heatwave.
all winter everytime she asked for lollies I told her the supermarkets only sell them in Summer and she believed me.
Until one day she spotted them in the freezers, I told her we couldn't buy them as Asda were just stocking up so they didn't run out.
Poor kid, she's so good, never asked again until this half term when the temperature rose. She even explained to nana how we couldn't buy ice creams yet because otherwise they would run out in the Real Summer! She'll be 4 in September.

My son wanted to know how broomsticks flew so I kicked the question into the long grass by telling him he couldn’t know the answer because he wasn’t yet 5

I didn’t know at that point that he’d have the memory of an elephant. Sure enough, the day after his 5th birthday I was greeted at school at pick up by him and at least 10 little friends all desperate to know the secret!

I had to bluff my way out and ended up telling them a ghost story as a distraction. I was not popular with some mums for a while but I figured the ghost story was better than kids jumping off furniture trying to fly on sticks or brushes!

I used to tell my two that the hazard triangle button in the car summons the police. If they started arguing in the back seat I'd put my finger on it and tell them I'd push it if they didn't stop. It worked a treat!

Ooh I remember a good one! It's still ongoing aswell 😁 my 10yr old ds has asd and hates having a bath. We told him it's the law that Sunday's and Wednesday's are for full bath and hair washes. Flannel washes are mandatory everyday. I still remember him in lockdown getting in the bath muttering "stupid Boris Johnson" 😂

That tortoises have a fully decorated house inside their shell, complete with gingham tablecloths, teapot and painted kitchen cabinets.

That I went to magic school, and was once a professional magician. Hence I could easily get rid of monsters under beds, I always knew what they had for lunch at school by feeling their tummy (I got pretty good at reading their body language), and generally I could control everything from minor ailments to the weather, and put everything right 😁.

Also that WiFi is so named because it was invented by William Fillian.

That the Easter bunny is a thief so they needed to tidy up all their toys or they might go missing.

I also tricked my son five years in a row with the same April Fool’s Day. I have clearly missed my vocation as a professional fraudster.

That some crisps that came in a green packet were made of peas and they wouldn’t like them. It went on for MONTHS and one woman in a shop thought it was hilarious.

I love these! Dang, my kids are too big now.

There is a large toy store nearby and when looking for inspiration one day DS mentioned they might have those in a real shop. I realised he didn't think it was a shop so when bored we would go 'visit the toys' always avoiding the check out counter. I was SAHM at the time so trying to fill the days a lot. There were occasions where I had to buy a present so I'd have to sneak back without him, it went on for about 2 yrs!!

It wasn't the ice cream van, it was the music van! It went round playing lovely tunes for everyone 😂 (obviously this doesn't work anymore after seeing people getting ice creams at one!)

That the kiddy rides outside shops weren't working so 'you can sit on/in it for a minute, but we can't put any coins in'

This one just made me laugh out loud!
That is exactly the sort of thing my grandfather would have said - and he was a vicar hahahahahaha

Until he was about five DS thought that all restaurants and home only had white ketchup (mayonnaise) and white coke (soda water) only got busted when he started going to parties at nursery and school.

Not a white lie, but when he was born I bought two stockings exactly the same for Christmas, so I could fill one on the sly over the month and set my alarm for the middle of the night and be in and out like Flynn on the swap over Didn’t get busted for a looong time on that one. 😂

I've no idea how to work the tv remote

🙄🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 There's always that one poster....

Not a lie , but a massive bribe: 50p a meter if you swim 1k. No discounts, no extras. They both did it, and now scare the crap out of me with their wild swimming exploits.

Mine was that when the home alarm sensors were blinking, it meant that Father Christmas/the Easter bunny/tooth fairies were watching to see if they were misbehaving or not doing as they were asked! 🤣😳 Many tantrums were stopped with ‘Santa’s watching!’ (while covertly waving at the sensor!)

No swearing without a driving license

My DD was convinced there were monsters in the cupboard and it was a regular issue at bedtime, nightmares the lot. So I told her that all Mummy's and Daddy's go to The Monster Academy to learn how to beat ANY monster.

That we have all the super skills and tools to defeat any monster that tries to come to the house and every time the monster never comes back again.

She hasn't had a nightmare since.

I love this poem

And They All Lived Happily

Denise Blake

All bad guys died in the end.
My kiss did make bruises better.
It was right to put lost teeth under a pillow
and that time, when you didn’t find money,
there really was a tooth-fairy holiday.
I told the truth about castor oil
as you have grown big and strong.
Broccoli, porridge, the last bit on your plate,
have been the making of you.
I really believed your Granny would get better.
I didn’t think your eyes would possibly stick
that way, but it seemed the thing to say.
That report card wasn’t worth all my giving out,
I knew your teacher had a pick against you
but how to admit that to a ten-year-old?
We weren’t made of money. I did need a break.
Our dog did go to live on a farm, for a while.
When I said I’ll think about it. I did.
You do know I was I right about that girl.
Honestly, most of the time, I told you the truth.

All meat was chicken for a bit because he liked chicken but ate anything if we said it was chicken. To be fair it started one Christmas when he refused turkey and I said "oh Granny made a mistake it's chicken" and he tucked in happily

These are hilarious, so much inspiration - thanks all!

Cracking post earlier about Boris Johnson too 😂

I've done similar. Had a few glasses of wine and forgot so told DC the tooth fairy must have a backlog and giver her a few days 🤣

When my dc were small McDonald's used to charge extra for the plastic tat in the happy meal and I was too mean to pay it so I told them the happy meal didnt come with nuggets only burgers which they didn't like. They still (at 30 and 32) often remind me of all the tat joy that I robbed them of.

When the ice cream man plays music is cos he's ran out of ice cream and he's just telling everyone...

The little light on the alarm sensors is Father Christmas checking in...