Being ostracised by friends over kink at Pride

[TheEverlovingFork]

Ok first of all I am a) completely willing to be told I'm in the wrong and b) bisexual myself, but I am also a fairly conservative churchgoer and I'm aware my feelings might be really outdated.

Basically some friends and I were talking about Pride month and I said I didn't agree with explicit kink in the public parades, like the more extreme leather fetish gear and puppy-play and so on, because I think that no matter what your orientation is, being proud of your sexual identity doesn't equate to simulating/practising it in public. If i saw a straight couple in leather underpants grinding on each other in public I would wonder if they were unwell.

I completely understand the being able to kiss and hold hands and show romantic affection in public as that is an unthinking privilege heterosexual people have and it should be ok for all LBGT people. I've come in for a lot of homophobic abuse myself over the years for holding hands with a partner. I really get that aspect.

I just don't feel explicit bedroom antics are ok in the parades, and now I'm being told I'm a reactionary and not supportive of the community. I'm a member of the community myself, am I supposed to meld into the new acceptable groupthink as a bisexual? Didn't get the memo.

Anyway, maybe I am just uptight because of my religious beliefs. I don't know. If i had children I would not want them to see some of the the things I've seen in parades.

I attended Birmingham pride last week.
The parade is supposed to be family friendly and the main stage is over 18s only after 10pm.

children do not need to be exposed to sexual kinks at 12pm in the middle of town.

I fully Agree

I would love to take my kids to a pride parade, but for all the reasons you’ve mentioned, I won’t.

Voted wrong. Yanbu

What happened in Birmingham? Did the parade include 18+ content?

I have friends (well, more acquaintances these days) who think that being open and public about your kinks is progressive and inclusive. I think they lack boundaries and/or respect for those of other people.

Yes, it's about this for me too, sexual consent is supposed to be so important, I find it extremely problematic for the people who are (rightly) vocal about consent thinking it's ok to make someone just using the pavement view explicit sexual acts or gear.

Well, I agree with your views, basically. Although I don't think all parts of Pride need to be sanitised bc it's always been a protest and not necessarily a family-friendly thing.

The conversation you describe certainly sounds tailor-made for the Mumsnet threads we see every day on here. So I'm sure you know it's quite the norm to feel the way you do.

I would genuinely enjoy prude month to be honest 😂

As an out and proud lesbian I totally agree with you, and have not been to any Pride event for some years because of the fetishists. And don’t get me started on drag queen story hour!

The oversexualisation is why Pride fails children and people of colour. Kissing is one thing but there is never any need to see explicit puppy play / bdsm.

I don't think all parts of Pride need to be sanitised bc it's always been a protest and not necessarily a family-friendly thing.

I completely agree with this, especially considering leather gear was a part of historic pride parades especially for men. It just feels like it's gone way too deep into minority explicit kinks in public.

Yanbu. I always think it's a shame because I know there are many who agree with you and bring their children up to be respectful and inclusive, and a small part of that could be celebrating pride in a massive way if they didn't feel it would be inappropriate because of all the fetishists trying to lump something in that isn't even relevant in any way. Who you're attracted to, fine, what turns you on...why do children and anybody else around need to know.

A gay couple can hold hands in public (or should be able to) and I love pride for that, but no normal decent people (regardless of who they like) actually think it's fine and acceptable to run around in public in fetish gear!
I don't go because of this. Would love to take DC but we can only to to much smaller family friendly events which although nice, just isn't the same.

Heterosexual couples are not restricted to vanilla sex. They have all kind of kinks in equal numbers to gay, trans or bisexual people.

I have never seen a heterosexual couple parading down the road with either of them dressed in bondage gear while she attempts to have anal sex with him whilst wearing a strap-on ... sadly the same could not be said for a couple of blokes we encountered in Brighton pride

@StemStem a number of men wearing leather dog masks, some in bondage gear, others just in pants and belts.

They were outnumbered by the others who just wanted to share in the celebration about being who you want to be but kids spot everything and I’m sure there would have been a lot of questions.

I attended the parade as an ally to support my colleagues. One of them attended with her wife and said they would have loved to bring their children but didn’t want them seeing things they shouldn’t.

Exactly.

Glad people are beginning to take a stand - those I know are Al ‘Not in my name’ and are horrified by these gatherings.

Shame these events have been taken over by cults.

It's a reasonable view. There are exhibitionists who enjoy Pride because they can be aroused in public.

I'm pretty sure it's little to do with sexual orientation per se. Most people are not excited by sexual behaviour or stimulated acts in public irrespective of who they like.

Pride has been grossly over sexualised, it’s such a shame as that’s the exact opposite of its point. I’m bisexual and I just don’t attend for exactly these reasons, people simulating sex acts just out in public, acting out fetishes and kinks for all to see. Fucking weird.

My son came out as gay but he won’t be going anywhere near the pride celebrations in our town for the lewdness and ignorance of basic consent. Not something I’m happy to expose him to.

I'm both bisexual and part of the kink community and I fully agree with you op.

Kink is great (when done right) but the consent part of safe sane consentual is SO SO important. Public displays of it absolutely flaunt the consent part

Click on the vote bar that reflects what you wanted to click on and I think it will change for you.

OP: also bisexual and with a history of kink. When I was on the scene 10-20 years ago, even munches (social meetups of kinky people) were not places to wear fetish attire, bar a discreet day collar. It was understood that in vanilla spaces, we weren't to scare the horses. Nowadays, I see women wearing armbinders and nipple tape being towed around on leads by men at outdoor rock festivals where a) there are children present and b) the chances of a fall are high and she can't put her hands out to brace if she falls and will be strangled by the collar and lead. The contempt that these men have for child safeguarding and the physical safety of their girlfriends is off the scale.

It's men driving the kink in Pride parades. Not in this bisexual woman's name.

🤣

Fetishists are more likely to be heterosexual than gay. They are claiming Pride for fetishism, not for gay fetishism. Same with trans: most of the males are heterosexual (that’s why they demand sex with lesbians), but they link themselves with LGB people because there is so much public support for gay rights.

Thanks to the kinksters and fetishists on show at children's Pride events, I think we are likely to see an ugly backlash against the LGB community. Quite liberal people I know are already expressing boredom/irritation with the rainbow bonanza that is the month of June.

I’m not clear on the details but supposedly when the LGBT community started protesting for their rights all those years ago they teamed up with minority group fetishists to increase their numbers and make more of an impact. They wouldn’t be where they are now without the fetishist community so it would be morally wrong to just drop them/exclude them now that they’ve been successful in gaining all the rights which they campaigned for.

**I don’t have an opinion on it, just offering a possible explanation for why this kind of thing goes on at pride.

Years ago I posted the same. I refused to send my son who was a member of cubs as I didn't think it was appropriate. I was met with so much abuse. I'm heartened to see it has changed. Kink is not for kids.

Performative over-sexualisation if you’re gay, straight, bi, whatever is a red flag, imo.