Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

It’s not a reverse. It’s an ‘on behalf of’.

She’s responsible for paying for the childcare for her daughter on her days while she’s away.

I didn't know the sex of the OP. I did wonder about that and the sex of the partner.

Where the OP lost me was with the use of the word 'abandon'. And I'd have said the same at that point with the use of that word as it implies a desire to control the other party in a way that I found uncomfortable.

That's what shaped the conversation for me. Not sex.

Wouldn’t you be annoyed if you worked around the times your ex had his child and then without notice he said he wasn’t having her for 2 weeks?

I know many women who work nights and rely on the consistency of their exes seeing the child when they’re meant to.

It’s one thing if they’re poorly in hospital or something and can’t help it but a man pissing off on holiday for 2 weeks and leaving the mum unable to work is extremely selfish.
And so is the mum doing it.

It's very annoying but ultimately you can't force the other parent to have your child anymore than they want to.

Why can't you look after your own child? I worked full time as a single parent and I had DS 100% of the time.

Putting massive bets on two of those three days being the weekend. Let me guess, too busy "doing your hobby" to parent your child?

Nice to see that your ex handing your child over to YOU to look after is seen as abandonment in your eyes. Man up and be a father to your child.

@stingypeasant my comment was not actually about this particular scenario but the general point the op made that he couldn't possibly manage childcare and work.

Its common courtesy to discuss changes in contact arrangements before making bookings that impact on a co parents.However, she isn't abandoning her child but leaving her with a parent. She's being rude and lacking in manners. She should arrange appropriate childcare for her contact days. Unfortunately, if she chooses not to do that then your brother won't have an opinion but to book A/L or make childcare arrangements.

Abandoning….that’s a bit strong don’t you think, are you not her parent too?

Soooo many questions for the op OP's brother.

It sounds like this OP provides absolutely no childcare at all though. Unless it is actually the having the child overnight so the ex can work nights and then look after the child during the day.

“I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time”

it’s a 2 week holiday. Apparently that means potentially 14 additional days of looking after the daughter. Which means the OP’s default expectation is for zero days looking after her.

When does the ex get a child-free day is a two week holiday means 14 extra days of having to look after their own child?

It’s all in the OP. I’m not making it up. The OP is very clear about 4 nights a week but 14 additional days if his ex goes away for 14 days.

Wow.

What a sexist post.

Yep exactly this! It's always posts by men who get slaughtered but if a woman was to post this about their ex leaving their child for 2 weeks with no notice they would be 100% backing the woman.

This.

She should have consulted you but if you always pull the work card, I can see why she didn't. Of course you can't stop her. 😀

As a single mum I've worked full time and raised my ds for the last 12 years. It's not difficult. What would you do if your ex was hospitalised for two weeks? You'd have to cope. You're a parent. It's your primary responsibility!

So you could.....

Ask work for parental leave. Explain the circumstances. They are legally required to consider it.
OR take unpaid leave
OR how old is your DD? Wrap-around care and flexible working?
OR call a nanny agency.
OR call on family & friends to help you. Grandparents?

How do you think single mums cope when men bail out? Don't be so limp. Welcome to our world !

What if he can't pay afford unpaid leave? It's not that easy!

What?

NAPALT

There’s nothing here about lack of notice.

Just a man who thinks childcare is his ex’s sole responsibility. And a sibling who agrees with that and has posted on MN pretending to be him.

It's a pity that the 'mother' does not recognise equal responsibility, as usual MN is a fan of inadequate mothers. Had the OP not been available for the 4 nights with no notice the reactions would have been quite different.

Without a doubt.

That's true but to be fair it would attract a different crowd of posters (the kind who believe things like when a man criticises them it's abuse and when they criticise a man it's because he's "weaponised" his incompetence which is abuse).

Yes the OP has the child 4 nights a week and the ex has them 3 nights a week.

I would be really annoyed if my ex sprung it on me that they’re going away for 2 weeks knowing that I work away over night and this would completely mess that up.

Why is acceptable for a parent to just decide not to see their child for 2 weeks?

If a woman posted that she works nights and her ex had dropped it on her that he won’t be having the child then he’d be the worst person on MN.
But when a women pulls a selfish stunt the man should just get over it.

This OP claims her brother has the child 4 nights a week.

And works away on the other 3.

But also that his ex going on a 14 day holiday (at some unspecified point in the future) means that he will have 14 days where he needs to find childcare. So the expectation was that he never looks after the child during the day. Otherwise it wouldn’t be 14 additional days.

And the issue is that the OP wants to know how to stop her brother’s ex going on a holiday because it will affect his childcare.

Why has everyone just ignored this part of the OP’s story? Is it that they’re so busy rushing to shout about how mean MNers are to poor men?

What leads you to think this?

My interpretation is that dad works away on the nights that mum has the child. So is therefore not around to look after the child.

This! You can't beat MN hypocrisy.