Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

I do think it's awful she never gave him any notice. It's the first thing anyone would do, check on annual leave and availability.

Unless she has had this conversation with your brother previously without success?

Honestly hard to logically reply to the issue about not asking first because of the ridiculous drama of 'abandonment' and making a fuss of having YOUR OWN CHILD for 14 days. What an inconvenience, cry me a river, etc etc.

When is the holiday, OP?

How far from home does he work on his nights away? Is he a manual worker or is there a possibility for him to work from home for 2 weeks?

100%

This is really selfish of her and co-parenting is difficult enough without pulling silly stunts like this.

However, it is not abandonment as she’s leaving the child with their parent and so he cannot stop her going on holiday.

The only thing he can do is ask for annual leave of say he’ll take it as emergency childcare.
When my DD had covid I had to have a week off and my employer couldn’t say no as it was childcare.

Unless he has someone to help him then he cannot go into work which is going to be awful if he doesn’t get paid for it but I can’t think of another option.

Is he the residential parent if he has her 4 nights a week?

Is her contact court ordered or did they arrange it between themselves?

Why has no-one checked the NRP who’s fucking off on holiday with no notice is paying maintenance? That’s normal te first thing that gets asked

I mean actually yeah if I had to suddenly find childcare for my child it would be an inconvenience. I don't though coz I have it planned but if I didn't it would be inconvenient.

You have 4 night a week so are the Rp.

it sucks and you have every right to be pissed off .

unfotuately as the Rp you are stuck .

I have no idea why people are responding the way they are . You spend more of the week with your Dc than ex.

I wouldn’t want to spend my A/l to cover ex’s holiday.

Ah right I see.

Reverses suck

How many mothers come on here and moan about their ex not turning up to collect their shared child or making an excuse to why they can’t see them because they want to go out with their new gfs etc.

Would you also say what an inconvenience, cry me a river etc when it’s the mum left looking after the child too?

A man not seeing his child when he’s supposed to is the worst thing on here (and rightly so).
So why is it any different for a woman?

I'd speak to the ex and explain that I couldn't have her, because of work. Ask if her family can help? If not, then don't collect the child, otherwise you'll be stuck.

I don't think there is any particular stand that you can take assuming you have parental responsibility in legal terms for your daughter. I guess if you were going to court over access arrangements you would need to make sure its part of any agreement that you consult each other on any potential issues around care of our daughter. She isn't actually abandoned though is she you are 50% her parent. If she is adamant she is going then you will have to either take parental leave or unpaid leave or look into childcare options. It just doesn't bode well for good coparenting if she isn't communicating. She isn't doing anything illegal though.

Frustrating but nope nothing you can do. I see posts from female friends of mine a lot complaining their ex partner has taken a holiday without even telling them. It’s really poor show but you’ve got no choice but to suck it up really if she won’t step in and sort childcare for her days herself

She should have told you. Its inconsiderate.

But she is not abandoning your child. You are a parent so parent. Single parents have to do this all the time.

I would say context is important here.
How much notice has she given?
Are there any circumstances in which your brother would have said yes?
Is there a good patenting relationship with give and take on both sides?

250 miles isn’t that far, could you have her for the 2 weeks?

You say - that’s a shame. I’m also going away those dates….then she/be won’t do it again.

it’s obviously not a workable situation.

Well ive been on MN for a while now and ive notice one thing its ok for a woman do what she wants says what she wants when she wants but her partner ex or not cant .
Im so pleased there are women that have said something about this in their comments .
it seems to be a man bashing when a man asked something .

Yep. And people would be on board with the use of the word 'abandoning' too.

a male OP really brings out the anti-mother sentiment on MN, doesn’t it?

I notice the OP hasn’t come back. But I’ll ask my questions anyway.

You say you have your child 4 nights a week. That makes you the resident parent.

Yet, if your ex goes away for 2 weeks, you’ll need to have your child 14 additional days.

Am I right in assuming that, actually, your ex spends every single day looking after your child (regardless where the child sleeps) and is, therefore, your childcare so you can work?

Because the question you are actually asking is not about ‘abandoning’ your child.

It’s ‘could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk?’

So it seems that you’re actually annoyed that your ex isn’t conveniently enabling you to work by looking after the child.

And today on “just making shit up…”

I really hope this was tongue-in-cheek. If actually serious, responses like this drive me mad. Believe it or not, not all jobs work like this. Maybe in a lovely, happy-clappy middle-class MN world they do, but there are plenty of jobs where it’s just not possible to take leave at certain times of the year, for example, or if someone else has already arranged to take holiday. And in a cost of living crisis, not everyone has savings to fall back on.

Totally agree!! Can't believe some of the replies! Honestly, if this was a woman posting, everyone would be up in arms and what her ex partner!! Hope you're OK OP.

Yes this exactly