To ask if it's too risky to take my child abroad without written permission from ex

[Flo769]

Due to go abroad with DD in a few months and dreading asking ex to sign a consent letter as he can be extremely difficult at the best of times! Do many people actually get asked to show written permission at the airport? Would I be crazy to take her without a letter?

Both myself and my daughter's dad have taken her abroad several times. We have never had written permission from the other and it has never been asked for.

I don't know the precise legal situation, I am sorry, but I am struggling to see how it would be flagged as an issue.

Unless your ex is likely to find out you are going away and take steps to block you somehow? Would he do that?

You absolutely need one. Find a way to pursuade him to sign. You have time left to think of something. Otherwise you might not be able to travel at all. Good luck.

I think it probably depends on the country. I've never had an issue travelling in and out of the uk but am asked every time I return back to the UK from my home country (Central Europe). Every time I explain to them that I'm actually returning to the children's home country where their dad also resides. They usually let me go but I now have a letter I get ex to sign before we travel. Mine isn't an arse though (well he is but not about this). I would check specifically for the country you're travelling to.

It depends where you are going. Some countries are notoriously strict (eg Canada). I have never been asked for the letter and don't know where my ex is any more, but my DC are older now (11 and 15). I don't go to countries that are known to be strict.

Having said that, when they were small my DC were asked some very pointed questions by US immigration officials (it was made clear that I was NOT to answer) and my sister was given quite a hard time coming into the UK with her DD (sister had a UK passport, her DD on US).

I travel with two children with different surnames to me, never ever been questioned, although i do take their birth certificates in case. I am divorced. My ex also takes them abroad

Thanks for responses. I'll be travelling to Spain. Does anyone know if they're strict?

I've never been asked when travelling in Europe

Rules have sharpened I learned. Perhaps someone who has travelled recently might tell you otherwise. In my experience (friends and co-workers) every single parent gets checked. Might be a coincidence then, from what I read here. 🤔

you could ask citizens advice?

It’s just another way for men to control the mother of their children. Lots of children are given their father’s surname and it leaves women in this position. I don’t think my ex would stop me, but it’s the thought of having to be reliant on him and get his permission just because my children have his surname. And in contrast to that, he and all these other men would be able to take their children away probably without any problems without the mum’s input whatsoever.

So how does it actually work? I travel in a different name to my kids - no one has ever in 10 years questioned that we have different surnames. Is there a marker on the system or something that flags up when a child travels? I’ve always wondered this!

I’ve always taken my children abroad, different surname to everyone in our travelling party, I’ve never been asked to show proof of permission from their father.

It’s been a year since we travelled last and that was to Spain, we’ve mainly travelled to Europe over the years.

How do they know you’re a single parent? I travel constantly throughout Europe alone with the kids who have a different surname on their passports to me. Never had a problem once

Its not about surnames its about PR father needs permission too

I've always risked it - for the same reason as you - and never been asked.

We have the same surname. Not sure it matters.

Just say the father is awol, what can they do.

Otherwise I would just forge one I mean really how they going to know it's Spain.

Never in 10 years l was asked for permission. Birth certificate yes, so l always have a copy. We not only have different surnames but also travel on different passports sometimes. Never have been an issue.

Do you guys have the same surname?

So what's to stop someone writing a letter pretending to be the other parent and saying its fine?

Yes I would consider one of these options.

Yes but if your child has the same surname as you, you’re less likely to get stopped at the airport I bet.

Honestly OP if there’s no system that knows you need permission to take your DD on holiday just go! And say he’s not around anymore. They can’t report to anyone and no one will know. My friend has a very strict court order around the custody of her kids so she doesn’t risk it in case he somehow finds out and she’ll be in trouble for breaking it (court order says permission is explicitly required) but hers is a very rare situation so unless that the same for you just go and have a lovely holiday!

The only time I have ever been asked for something like this was on returning to the UK, the customs guy was awkward but essentially 'let me off with a warning'. If you can get them to sign then it is worth it just in case.

They're supposed to be notarized. It's a complete pita, and most people I know don't bother. I do always travel with birth certificates and have been asked for them.

This is exactly what I've been wondering. How would they know it's actually a letter from my child's dad and not one that I've just forged?!