To ask if it's too risky to take my child abroad without written permission from ex

[Flo769]

Due to go abroad with DD in a few months and dreading asking ex to sign a consent letter as he can be extremely difficult at the best of times! Do many people actually get asked to show written permission at the airport? Would I be crazy to take her without a letter?

I travel alone with my kids all the time, never had to show a letter. Twice so far i travelled with the children of my cousin. They have a different name and a different nationality (mexican passport) to me (EU passport) and they look completely different to me. Nobody asked any questions. It was me and DH travelling with 4 children (our own and our nieces, not really nieces but i dont know how you call your cousins children)

How old is DD and do you have the same surname?
FWIW, my friends have taken my kids abroad loads and have never needed to show a letter. Someone at passport control once asked about the relationship (dd was about 9 at the time) and she told them she was with her Aunt and Uncle (which is what they call them!). If you're going in the peak of Summer, I doubt they will have time to question anything. I'd risk it.

Never had one and never been asked for one. Different surnames too.

Obvs legally you should have a letter, but in reality its all down to your luck. I am asked all the time when I travel, probably because I'm "foreign" looking and my kids looks very English and we have different surnames. Its not always the letter they want to see - often its their birth certificates. I always have the letter though as it makes things easier.

So OP - I would get a letter if possible, if not - just a verbal agreement from your ex that he is ok with you travelling; maybe even a text, anything. But keep it in mind that this is probably the one major area where a vindictive ex can screw things up for you, if he says you cant go you will have to take him to court - so its best to agree that its ok or sort this out in court before you go away.

That’s odd because I’ve been in and out of Netherlands dozens of times with my kids, with and without my partner (not their dad) who has a different name and nationality and I’ve never been asked.

I’ve also been many times to France and Spain with them, never asked.

@BitOutOfPractice

Yes, we travel through Europe a lot and have never been asked anywhere else. Also, my kids have the same name as me while my husband has a different name. Seems we were just unlucky with our jobsworth Dutch immigration officials!

Travelling the same route this summer, again without my husband, and will take signed consent form (we get ours from the local automobile association, not in UK though) and copy of all docs just in case.

I've been split with my ex since son was 2.5, he's now 12.5. Never been asked for a letter anywhere in Europe. We have the same surname.

I got asked for a consent letter at Dover for my 15yr old daughter. I nearly didn't bother getting one as I've never actually been asked before but so glad I did

Different surname though

When I have taken the DCs friends with us to Portugal I have always been asked.
I did have a letter each time with passport numbers and witnessed but never notarised

@GlintingFuriously they obviously don’t like the cut of your gib 😉 seriously it does seem very random doesn’t it?

I have a different surname from my kids and have taken them abroad on my own about 12 times including Spain and the Canary Islands. Only once was my eldest child asked who she was going on holiday with and when she said "mum" they smiled and didn't say another word.
My friend does a letter herself from her ex husband. She just puts 'I give permission for my children (insert names) to travel to (insert location) between these dates (insert dates) with their mum (insert your name) then dates and fake signs it 🤣 She has never been asked but she seems confident they would be happy with it as her other friend works at an airport and she says they are more trained to look for children with a 1 way ticket to somewhere not on a package holiday that is not really a tourist/holiday location not a kid going all inclusive to Spain in the 6 weeks holiday.

they are more trained to look for children with a 1 way ticket to somewhere not on a package holiday that is not really a tourist/holiday location not a kid going all inclusive to Spain in the 6 weeks holiday.

This probably explains it in our case, or perhaps I've just got a naturally shifty look about me. Must be the 'tache and dark glasses 😎

Travel a lot with Dd14. On our own as her father isn't on the scene since she was 2.

I have always been asked.
I always carry her birth certificate until recently as we now have a court ordered agreement in place that I am the resident parent and I can travel with her up to 30 days at a time without needing permission.

Honestly OP, I'd get a court order in place. I always got stressed because the ex was a total PITA and had to fake a letter one year.

In the meantime take her BC and a letter if you can get one. Although one year I didn't have one and told the Dutch passport people he doesn't ever see her and is completely AWOL so they just accepted the BC and gave me a warning.