To ask if it's too risky to take my child abroad without written permission from ex

[Flo769]

Due to go abroad with DD in a few months and dreading asking ex to sign a consent letter as he can be extremely difficult at the best of times! Do many people actually get asked to show written permission at the airport? Would I be crazy to take her without a letter?

I’ve never been asked to provide written permission and I don’t share the same surname as my dcs. Airport staff have asked my dcs who I am though.

I travel with 7 kids , 2 different surnames, both different to mine, Spain multiple times, Turkey, Poland , France multiple times, I never take a permission note, I refuse to ask for permission to take my kids away, always take their birth certificates though, the only time I've ever been questioned was coming back to Uk from France, just glanced at my stack of birth certificates and asked the bigger kids who the baby was

Does this apply to married couples?

Say dh decided to stay home and I took the kids to France would he need to sign a letter?

Personally I just forge one how the heck are they ever going to know?

Yes.

if you travel abroad with a child you need the permission of all those with PR.

married, surnames etc is all irrelevant. It’s PR that matters.

i would assume there would be consequences if you were found to have forged a letter.

Can't get over the fact that I need permission to take my own child on holiday. The child who lives with me 24/7 and barely ever sees her dad.

From reading the comments it looks like I'll be fine for Spain though, fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Germany can be quite strict. There was one time that we nearly missed our flight because I didn't have a permission letter from DH (going from Germany to the UK). Travelling within the EU I've never had a problem.

Get a court order then you won't need permission

I've never been stopped, but then my passport is still in my old married name. I also luckily had no issues renewing my sons passport on my own luckily (ex has been completely AWOL for the last 7 years). I'm now remarried and worry about changing my name on my passport for this reason.

Its probably ok if you have the same surname, but even then should be ok if you have birth certificates. Having a letter makes life easier, but it might become a real problem only if the other parent decides to report you for abducting your kids. Otherwise, a birth certificate should do.
Weirdly, I was only ever asked for a letter on the way back to UK.

We've taken DSD abroad loads of times and never been questioned. I don't even understand how that would work? How do they know who to question?

What if the other parent is dead? Or not involved at all, how do you prove it?

Again, surnames make no difference.

a lone parent travelling with a child may be asked for proof that the other parent has given permission.

different surnames does not make it more or less likely you’ll be stopped. Lots of countries it’s the norm, so airport staff are used to it.

DH went to US last year with DCs, with letter signed by me as advised we needed one (DH travelling solo with kids).

DH was never asked to produce it but the kids were steely-eyeballed by immigration officers at passport control both ways and asked, “who’s this man?” “Where’s mommy” “why are you with this guy” type questions. Their answers checked out fine (obviously) so they were free to go.

Death cert?

I travelled all over with my mum after my dad died, never had a problem.

it’s only really for a very short time anyway. Once the kids are able to speak for themselves it’s very often a quick question to the child and off they go.

I've been asked to show the authorisation form several times when transiting via the Netherlands, in each case travelling alone with my children without my husband.

Do people really carry a death cert with them if taking their child abroad?

Honestly curious because it never actually occurred to me that stuff like this was needed. As I say we take DSD abroad all the time and never got a letter from her mum (although of course she has always known where we are and was fine with it).

Same the other way, DH has never provided a letter when her Mum has taken her away. Even to USA once and DSD has a different surname to her Mum.

Doesn't matter if they are not involved they still have PR if on the bc

I have travelled loads with just DS (DH is not a big traveller and has less annual leave than me), and nobody has ever asked. I took birth certificates the first couple of times but don’t bother now.

My dad died when I was a child, and DM got stopped entering the US with us about 5 years later and given the 3rd degree.

They let us in eventually but they were complete dicks (took DBro and me into separate rooms and grilled us - I was about 15 but DBro was only 11 and got quite upset).

Honestly if you were abducting your kids, I don’t think you’d pick Disney as a place to lie low.

I always carry DDs birth certificate and my late DP's death certificate but I've never been asked for them. I was asked what my relationship to DD was when coming back to the UK once but we have different surnames.

We've just come back from Portugal and I was asked on entry to Portugal if I was her mum but that could be because she was born in Portugal. I wasn't asked for any documentation.

Take proof you're her mum with her.
What will you do if he finds out right before the holiday and then maliciously gets an order to stop you travelling?
It might be better to agree by text at least and if he says no then you have time to apply to court to over rule him

That could backfire on her hugely if he ever found out and had proof that she'd done this, that's forgery she could be convinced

Convicted not convinced

That's how I feel about it too, I believe he would give me it no issue but he has not part in our lives, he doesn't visit or send us money. The thought of asking his 'permission' makes me livid. I will forge a letter from him when it's necessary.

I’ve taken my son in and out of Spain many times over the years and never been asked for paperwork.
Once when we were travelling with just my sister someone at customs on the Spanish side returning to uk asked my son which of us sisters was his mum, he was about 4 at the time and I never understood what the need was, we both have different surnames to each other and to my son and going by looks most people would guess I’m his mum out of the two of us, even if he’d pointed to my sister what could they have done?
My ex has also taken our son to Spain, Italy and Croatia over the last couple of years and I’ve never signed anything and as far as I’m aware he’s not got a copy of the birth certificate but they do have same surname and look obviously related.

Are people really this stupid ?...

We have a law that says you have to wear a seatbelt.

You can make a 100 journeys not getting caught for not wearing one.

It still doesn't make it legal AND ITS VERY STUPID !!!

We have a similar law about child abduction abduction. You need permission from everyone with PR before taking your children abroad unless you have a specific court order saying this isn't required.

It's not a grey area.
It's black and white.
Yes you can 'get away with it' but that doesn't make either OK OR LEGAL.

6 years ago my best friend, her kids, my kids and I were going to South Africa for a much hyped holiday of a life time safari...

She was stopped and asked. Same surname as kids but she didn't have permission. Immigration bent over backwards trying to make it ok. They spoke to father at work. Offered a dedicated email address for him to send permission to. He was at work and it would of taken him 5 minutes... he refused because he was the aforementioned arsehole....

The devastation for those kids after all the hype, the early morning excitement of the journey to the airport .. awful.

DO NOT DO IT. !,

If he/she is an arse or potential to be one then pay £235 and make your own application to court for a specific steps order and get court permission

Please don't chance your holiday on a gamble just because some have got away with it.