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Original poster

Deliberate Damage to sofa-wwyd

194 replies

Dailywalk · 06/06/2023 09:11

Over the weekend my dd (6) had a friend over. They had scissors out as they were doing some craft project. I noticed today the sofa has been damaged . It’s been snipped in a couple of places. Tiny cuts but still they are there.
My daughter didn’t know anything about the cuts and I believe her. She’s the kind of kid that would cry and guilt would make her confess if it was her.
I don’t want to confront anyone but I suspect the friend has done this deliberately when she’s been on her own in the room. I’m fully expecting backlash that they shouldn’t have been left alone with scissors but they often get on with craft projects or games when I’m in another room. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Muncha · 06/06/2023 20:02

My friend's DD had her friend over for tea when they were 6. Her DD cut her friend's very long glossy plait off at the root.

That was an awkward one for my mate.

Twonewcats · 06/06/2023 20:22

You can't post a thread saying "I don't want to confront anyone but" then be offended when people assume that means you might confront someone.

And if the damage is done and you have no intention of taking it further with the other family, then what else could you do? What other advice could be given apart from not to let them use scissors unsupervised again?

caringcarer · 06/06/2023 21:04

Tinkerbyebye · 06/06/2023 09:12

Nothing, you should have been watching them. And you can’t actually prove it was her

This, but I wouldn't be inviting her over again.

InSpainTheRain · 06/06/2023 21:31

You can try your house insurance and supervise better next time

concertgoer · 06/06/2023 23:09

@Dailywalk i’d speak to the parents of the other child. Frame it that they did it together, you don’t seem able to get a sensible answer from your DC and see if they can speak to their child …. Or better still if you as adults can speak to both DC together to see what happened.

depends on the collective relationships as to whether you think you can pull this off.

I remember it happening to me as a child when we’d be messing about and some sheets got ripped and we put them back in the airing cupboard at a friends house! … we must have been 6/7.
all gathered again a few days later to discuss

we got told off for the secrecy.

bluegreygreen · 07/06/2023 00:14

Unsupervised with scissors sharp enough to make several cuts in a 'robust' sofa?

What would I do?

I would be giving thanks that neither child was injured - and if I were the other parent and you mentioned it to me, I would be deciding that my child would not be going back there for playdates.

Mess is fine, and something that happens when children are playing, but placing young children in a situation where either could be injured is not good.

seawitchhair · 07/06/2023 01:38

I had no intention of confronting/speaking to the parents or accusing anyone but wondered what other people would do in my position.

Why the hell not? They would most likely already have suspicions they're raising a llittle sociopath.

Property damage is not okay. And why would you invite her over again?

Mumto2kids86 · 07/06/2023 08:06

Too young to be playing with scissors. Your fault, I’m afraid! I would suggest not speaking to the kids parents as I would be very annoyed you left my kid alone with scissors!

Worcestershirem0mmy · 07/06/2023 08:35

You can’t leave a pair of six year olds (one of whom’s behaviour you don’t completely know) with scissors and then complain when something gets snipped.

BusyMum47 · 07/06/2023 08:43

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 06/06/2023 09:18

It's very unlikely your daughter is telling the truth here. And that's normal, and not a dig.
However, obviously, you have no proof either way, and shouldn't have left them alone with scissors.

Absolutely! Kids are kids - these things happen. You have absolutely no proof at all that (a) it was the friend & (b) it was deliberate! Why would you assume that? If you feel that she's the sort of child to have done that, then more fool you for letting them have scissors on & around the sofa in the 1st place & leaving them unattended for even a minute!! Nothing you can do. Chalk it up to an error on your part!!

Twonewcats · 07/06/2023 08:57

seawitchhair · 07/06/2023 01:38

I had no intention of confronting/speaking to the parents or accusing anyone but wondered what other people would do in my position.

Why the hell not? They would most likely already have suspicions they're raising a llittle sociopath.

Property damage is not okay. And why would you invite her over again?

Quite the empath! There's nothing to suggest this child is a sociopath 😂
And if she is, being understanding about it would be more effective than slating a young child

seawitchhair · 07/06/2023 10:55

Oh, yes, being understanding about sociopaths really works. I am not sure why you are calling me (mockingly) an "empath". I have had decades of experience dealing with sociopaths and - surprise, surprise - they show clear signs of antisocial tendencies and behaviours by age 6.

Thelnebriati · 07/06/2023 10:58

I think you've confused 'signs of a sociopath' with 'normal children need supervising'.

Izzabird · 07/06/2023 15:23

seawitchhair · 07/06/2023 10:55

Oh, yes, being understanding about sociopaths really works. I am not sure why you are calling me (mockingly) an "empath". I have had decades of experience dealing with sociopaths and - surprise, surprise - they show clear signs of antisocial tendencies and behaviours by age 6.

This child, or indeed the OP's own child, has been careless with scissors and soft furnishings when left unsupervised, in a way that is entirely normal for a six-year-old without much ability to understand consequences.

Absolutely zero evidence of 'sociopathy'.

TrickyD · 07/06/2023 15:36

IWantToVote’s suggestion of posting a close up of the damage is sensible. If you don’t get any response here, try the crafting threads. People like to help..

MrsPetty · 07/06/2023 18:41

Oh I feel your pain. One of DDs friends repeatedly rammed the rocking horse she was riding into a new TV that was against the wall waiting to be hung. It was deliberate… but the parents were never going to pay for damage that happened in my house so I had to suck it up. Do you have accidental damage on your home contents policy?

Shakeyshakeyshake · 07/06/2023 18:47

Mumto2kids86 · 07/06/2023 08:06

Too young to be playing with scissors. Your fault, I’m afraid! I would suggest not speaking to the kids parents as I would be very annoyed you left my kid alone with scissors!

This completely.

Be happy there were no cut fingers or hair or skin etc

I wouldn’t say a peep to the other parent unless you want the friend to be kept away from a house that lets them loose with sharp scissors. What happened to plastic craft scissors for that age…

StemStem · 07/06/2023 18:52

What do you want to do?

Simplyfedup · 07/06/2023 18:53

Well, you know that kids of that age should be sitting at a table and supervised when using scissors, so that's that really. Nothing to be done.

Tessabelle74 · 07/06/2023 18:54

What can you do? You didn't see anything so you can't prove it was deliberate or that your daughter didn't in fact do it. Chalk it up to experience and not let them have scissors unless you're watching them

rwalker · 07/06/2023 19:05

Might be helpful might not we had a rip in our sofa got some iron on repair tape used tweezers to get it in and underneath rip hot iron to activate glue did the trick wasn’t perfect but didn’t look a mess and rip never got any bigger

Yourcatisnotsorry · 07/06/2023 19:06

You should insist she sets out to work immediately as a chimney sweep or similar to repay you for the damage. Perhaps public flogging in addition.

seriously, you should supervise kids with scissors. It could have been a lot worse.

Missingpop · 07/06/2023 19:17

Ouch damage to lounge furniture is expensive can you discreetly repair it with a few stitches? Sadly it’s got to be marked down as a lesson learnt; next play date no scissors; glue; tape;paint; glitter play-dough it’s summer tell the to play in the garden hopefully you’ll be able to repair it

Whattodo46 · 07/06/2023 19:30

My 6 yr old ds cut through something once with scissors, I was originally really annoyed, the. I realised he was 6. He didn’t intentionally damage it, I spoke to him and he said he just wondered if the scissors would cut through the fabric. You may find that it is just an inquisitive mind rather than intent to damage. For ages after I just told him he wasn’t allowed scissors unsupervised and took it as a learning experience for me.

Summerfun54321 · 07/06/2023 22:06

Take it as a lesson learned that all children are different and need different levels of supervision around this age. Some children are very immature at 6 still and need a lot of supervision.