Deliberate Damage to sofa-wwyd

[Dailywalk]

Over the weekend my dd (6) had a friend over. They had scissors out as they were doing some craft project. I noticed today the sofa has been damaged . It’s been snipped in a couple of places. Tiny cuts but still they are there.
My daughter didn’t know anything about the cuts and I believe her. She’s the kind of kid that would cry and guilt would make her confess if it was her.
I don’t want to confront anyone but I suspect the friend has done this deliberately when she’s been on her own in the room. I’m fully expecting backlash that they shouldn’t have been left alone with scissors but they often get on with craft projects or games when I’m in another room. Wwyd?

Glad you took advice on board. You took on responsibility of the friend and let them have access to such a dangerous object. If I was the other parent I'd feel no responsibility even if it was my child because it was on your watch. In fact, I'd be angry you left them unattended with the scissors.

I think your biggest problem here is the fact you don't actually know what happened because you weren't there.

It doesn't matter what happened because of that.

It leaves you in a position where if you say anything, you have to admit you left a couple of six year olds with scissors knowingly, without supervision, when you don't know whether the other child can be trusted with them.

You might be fine leaving your daughter with them, but add another child into the mix and you need to know them (and their parents) well enough before you do things like that.

If you confront the other parent, you are accusing their child of something you can't prove and is a significant attack on their child's personality. How do you think thats going to go down? Will the parents accept it or defend their child? How do you think thats going to play out for you and your daughter?

They could easily accuse you of not looking after their child properly.

The reality is its tough shit and you are going to have to suck it up or you are going to cause a major drama and probably not get anywhere with it.

your probably quite lucky they both still had hair

Have you got accidental cover on your home insurance?

A 6 yo with scissors did not maliciously damage your sofa. I recall cutting my own hair and hiding it behind a cushion at that age with no thought about why I was doing it or what would happen when my Mum found out.

Ring your home insurance and see if it's covered is the best you can do.

Possibly they were using the sofa as a board to lean on and didn't know it was snipped. If it's on the arm or the seat it's highly possible.

Are the cuts suitable for invisible mending? Might save the sofa.

I would start a claim with insurance to get the sofa replaced.

Not let children of that age play with scissors unsupervised.

Not blame the other child. They were both in there with the scissors. Of course your child is going to deny it.

Get over yourself. Seriously? You’ve never left the room while your kid had a friend over?

Wwyd?

Claim on insurance if you have it

Don't leave small children alone again with scissors sharp enough to cut sofa material

Chalk the incident up to experience.

Don't necessarily believe your DD when she says she knows nothing about it. ALL children will lie at times, it's incredibly naive to believe that yours won't. I never once caught my eldest son in a lie, but when I asked him when he was a teenager if he'd ever lied to me in the past, he said of course he had. He must have just been very good at it!

Jeepers, they're six - they can be left alone with children's scissors. Sharp pointy adult scissors are a different matter.

If they're tiny snips, a few stitches should be able to hold them together and stop the cuts from ripping further.

I would call the friend's parent and in a non-confrontational way, say there were cuts and your daughter says it was her friend, you don't know what happened and maybe on balance should have been watching them - not to ask for compensation or anything but so friend can learn that doing something like that doesn't just go away, her parent can see if her story is the same and tell her off.

This is why I get secondhand sofas!

I wouldn't ask the child back into my home if I thought it was deliberate. But otherwise I wouldnt do anything else.like speak to the paretnt.

Yeah I don't get the outrage about scissors!

I have a 6yo and a 4yo. If 6yo has a friend over, do I supervise them at all times and let 4yo off to wander unsupervised? Do I make him stay in the same place as 6yo and friend and annoy them? What if one of them asks for a drink, do I make them accompany me to the kitchen?

6 years old is old enough to know what to do and what not to do with scissors.

I wouldn't be so sure that's it's not both of them, little kids get very snip happy and it almost is a sort of compulsion, hair, clothes etc.

There have been numerous times in my very long parenting journey where I'd have sworn blind my child wouldn't do something, would fess up or I'd know immediacy whilst being completely shocked when it turned out it was one of my little buggers after all.

Just chalk it up to experience and get them to do craft at the kitchen table.

Aged 6 , did you know they had scissors on the living room? I'd have had them sitting at a table for crafting. I think you have to chalk this up to experience

Go to the other parent and say, "I left your child and my child alone with very sharp scissors. And, although I saw nothing at all, I believe that YOUR child DELIBERATELY cut my sofa, and I'd like you to reimburse me for repairs and/or a new sofa. My child doesn't lie, so I totally believe her when she says it wasn't her - and there is no way that this was an accident."
Good luck.

I agree. My DD returned from a playdate recently and immediately burst into tears after coming through the door. Whilst there, her Golden Child 'best friend' had jumped on the sofa, knocked over a vase, and it had smashed. When the mum had asked what had happened, her 'friend' pointed straight at DD and said she had done it. DD was upset that she got the blame for something she hadn't done, but moreso that her supposed friend had been so brazen and quick to lie and save their own skin at her expense. DD is now much more cautious of them as a friend.

Yeah this

What do you want to do? To approach the parents of the girl and demand the refund for the damage? Ridiculous even if it was her who did that.

I can remember cutting a face, eyes, nose and mouth in the hem material of a skirt. It was tremendously exciting.

6 years old is old enough to know what to do and what not to do with scissors

They might be old enough to know, but they are young enough to have the odd accident with scissors, or to decide to go a bit 'snip happy' without much thought to the consequences. Sharp scissors and 6 year olds don't mix, unless supervised. They must have been pretty sharp scissors to cut sofa fabric. Sharp scissors are really just two knives put together, and you wouldn't leave 6 year olds alone with knives.

There's a good reason they make children's safety scissors. I'm a cub leader, and we use rounded edge scissors for 8-10 year olds. They can use proper scissors if needed, but only if closely supervised.

Something else to hear in mind is that while your dd might behave well in your company, it can be surprising what goes on when dc get together and there isn’t an adult around.

I always stayed within earshot on play dates even if I wasn’t directly supervising proceedings. Hearing how they interact, how they respond to peer pressure, or if they’re a bit too pushy etc is valuable to know.

Yes, I think you can tell when cuts like that have been done deliberately, so as pp have said next time the friend comes over they don't get to do anything with scissors as the sofa was damaged last time - not blaming one or the other, just a natural consequence.

Precisely my thoughts.
You immediately blamed the other child OP, why on earth couldn’t it be your child or both children?
I certainly wouldn’t be so sure your dc is the innocent party!
And sheer common sense surely says that scissors are used sitting at the table?

This is not the thing to accept. What you need to accept is they should be supervised.