AIBU to show this to the teacher?

[thirdistheonewiththehairychest]

My daughter was in hospital having an operation the week before half term and her teacher asked a supply teacher to organise the class to make her a card which was very kind.

However I had to remove one of the kids contributions from the front of the card as it wasn't very nice. They had attempted to write in a secret code but it's pretty clear what it says... "You better f*ing be better you b**ch"

I don't know this girl at all, my daughter never mentions her. I think it was probably a misguided attempt at humour but was obviously really inappropriate.

Should I show it to their teacher so she can deal with it? Or should I just leave it and put it down to childish silliness?

A child scribbled over my dd picture, my dd wouldn't defend herself so wrote a note saying that she didn't love her anymore, they were year 1, put it in her bag, the next day I was called to the school, my dd was dealt with because the mother created merry hell. But that card is insane, if even report that and I'm laid back.

Year 5!! I’m never the sort of Mum that runs to the school to cause issues, I’ve never done it. But this is needs flagging. I’d say thanks for the card but I couldn’t give it to her because one girl has called her a bitch and used the F word. Now I know she was probably joking and showing off, but really? Surely she knows you don’t write that on a get well soon card? Just thought I’d mention it.

I think you should have left it but why grass the kid up to the teacher? Y5 children are not babies. I agree it wasn't a good use of the English language but most would just laugh it off. Nobody died!

Children will make all sorts of cards to send in school - we have a colouring club at lunchtime and this is something a child might make - but I check anything they are making to ensure it’s appropriate. I’d be very surprised if the teacher chose to send this home in the full knowledge of what was written on it.
Im unclear about a couple of things though. How did the OP get the card and read it before the child? How did the child know their mum had cut off a piece if it was put on a high shelf where the kids can’t reach? Has the dd had her appendix out? (cant you tell I love a good mystery to solve)
OP, I would speak to the teacher, but I’d also have spoken to my dd about the inappropriateness of sending such a message. If a child has written this to her, the chances are she too may well write such things without realising that it’s not cool. (trust me, plenty of 10 year olds will write things like this to come across as edgy - even though they’d never dream of saying the words out loud!)

I'd show it to the teacher not to get the girl in trouble but so she gets some guidance on what is and isn't appropriate. How do kids find out if no one guides them? I'd make it clear I wasn't angry, didn't want the child punished but just thought teacher needed to know.

Hope your DD is OK, it is hard when kids aren't well and you don't need any more needless upset.

teacher here- I would want it mentioned -from the pov of wondering where the girl has learned that style of communication- I'd be concerned she was being spoken to like that at home

I would show this to the teacher to make sure this never happens to another child in hospital, and quash any public misuse of the "code". The author of it clearly knew the message was offensive, forbidden and deliberately hid it from the teacher. The rest of the class may have understood it.

This is the kind of minor mean-ness that can escalate into group bullying and a child getting picked on.. The school needs to be aware.

When my child had an operation and got a pile of cards from classmates I saw them before him as the school handed them to me when I was taking sibling to school. I assumed there was a card from each child and OP removed the offending card not cut it off a big card from the whole class but obviously schools will do it differently.

I don't think now is the time to raise this with a child recovering from surgery. That can be done another day but at the moment the issue is this card not something the sick child might do on another day.

I'd probably just email a picture and explanation of it to the teacher. On the off chance there is any safeguarding issues for her it might help the school to know. It's an odd thing for a child of that age to do, even school bullies can normally play nice on a project like this.

My dd is in year 5, she is 10, I wouldn’t expect this between her and her friends. Let’s the teacher know. Also sounds like your dd saw it so talk to her too.

Yr 5!!! 100% mention this.

It's definitely a joke! I work in Y6 and 10 year olds absolutely know this kind of language. The fact that it's been written in a code means that the child knows it's rude, yet they do want it to be read and understood so it's not an indicator of a child with an unsafe homelife! That's a big stretch! I'd guess they were getting away with being cheeky because a supply teacher was in charge instead of their regular teacher.

Goven their age yes I would show it. 9/10 year olds should not be using that sort of language (nor should older kids tbh). No doubt it was meant in humour but it isn’t funny.

I would tell the teacher. My son has just had a cast on, there are certain of his friends I'd expect something like this from (Y6) but I'd still mention it. Part of growing up is learning there's a time and a place for rude 'banter', and a cast or a card when someone has had an operation is not the place!

How did your DD react? If she's seen it now you might as well find out the backstory.

It it's an in joke between two friends, I'd just have a word with her about the language but wouldn't mention it to the teacher. If it's not a joke, I'd mention it.

^^This. Its not edgy, or funny, or cool - it's inappropriate. Heaven forfend we upset our little darlings but it's still OK to guide their behaviour right?

I would definitely make the teacher aware. Not in a shirty way just let them know then in future they can check better.
Id also ask DD what the girl is like with her.

This is outrageous!!

I would definitely show the teacher, as a parent i always think would i want to know if it was my son/daughter that behaved in this way.

If this was my daughter i would want to know, so please inform the school.

Either report to school, school to make sure the child does not live in a home with verbal abuse normalised or take with a pinch of salt and laugh it off. Either cases will produce probably the same result these days

Is it a reflection on society that some people are not horrified by this sort of thing?

Be kind. Not just to people who are on TV but to everyone.

How is your dd, is she upset?

Nobody died!

That is an incredibly low bar for life.

Is it a reflection on society that some people are not horrified by this sort of thing?

I think it perfectly illustrates the shit parenting that teachers are having to deal with.

Without context who can say? Is the original author of the message a friend of your daughter or not? That makes a big difference to the response imo.

i hear kids younger than 10
talk like this all the time, I’m not clutching my pearls in horror, they’re learning the dynamics of relationships and find swearing exciting at that age. If it’s turned into a huge deal then the language becomes more attractive.

i probably would give the teacher a heads up mostly because it was passed unchecked by staff rather than written by a kid wanting to sound like those she’ll hear in the playground and on tiktok etc but I’d not be making a whole big deal out of it. Unless there’s bad blood between the two there is no deal here.

DSL here.

It's unfortunately pretty typical language by that age. Anybody who thinks their 10 year old doesn't know language like that is deluded. It tends to tone down later tbh, when they realise it's not nearly as cool as they think to use the word "fuck"

If it was brought to us as a safeguarding issue, frankly, we'd tell the reporter the above. (all other things being equal)

Mobile phones, use of social media, watching inappropriate TV series. All contributes to a precocious "maturity" that really isn't.

If you want to tell the teacher so she/he can talk about language appropriacy, fair enough. We sent a circular out to parents after some girls started coming to school with "fucking bitch" t shirts on. They were 11. Saw some photos of a recent birthday party where the cake had "resting f-ing bitch (face) since 2011" on it.

What your dd thinks about it is the pertinent information to use to decide on your next steps.

You dd knows much more about the context of this than any of us do!