AIBU to go to wedding as a named invitee yet slightly glorified plus one

[countrywalks1]

DH and I have been invited to DH's old schoolfriend's (let's call him George) wedding this summer.

Background is we've known George for years, he now works as a teacher in Asia but before he moved out there would see him a couple of times a year - usually hosting a party with his now ex, but basically as a couple we always got on surprisingly well with George. My DH's parents are semi close to George's parents, it's that kind of vibe.

We invited him to our wedding last year but he couldn't make it for work. We were subsequently invited (both our names on the invite) to George's wedding, but we didn't initially commit because it was looking to be quite expensive as a European destination wedding.

This spring we went over to visit the country George works in and stopped off with him for a weekend - it was honestly so nice to catch up and I really got on with George's fiancee too so DH and I decided to commit and go to the wedding.

We have arranged everything - annual leave (a pain to get in our jobs), flights, hotels, transfer etc.

HOWEVER - DH has recently failed a professional exam on a repeat attempt. There is an attemt limit so he's got to be cautious, the next exam date is 2 weeks after the wedding so he's considering not going to the wedding to spend the time prepping.

My question is whether it would be weird for me to go without him? I appreciate in essence George is DH's long time friend, and I imagine I'm invited as a plus one in that context seeing as we're married. BUT I have known George for about 10 years now, have always got on with him and I REALLY like his fiancée in the sense that we could easily be best friends if she lived in the UK. Also I'll know some of DHs/George's shared friends who are also invited (again been a while since I've met up with them but would be nice to catch up).

Basically I was quite looking forward to the trip/wedding as I think it'll be great, and we've paid for it, but I don't know whether it would be weird to go by myself when I suppose on paper I might not seem as close to the couple as the other guests? Advice much appreciated people

Sounds like he's your friend too so I see no reason not to go alone. However, DH can't study 24/7. Surely he can take a day or 2 off (if you're going for longer he could study there - not quite the holiday anticipated but at least he'd get to enjoy the wedding, dinners out etc.

Your DH is being ridiculous. I could understand if the exam was two days after the weddings, but two weeks? Suck it up buttercup!

But yes, if he's going to be like that just go by yourself.

Agree that your DH should definitely go!! Life is too short to miss out on these things and you’ve already paid for it! He can study on the flight, on the morning of the wedding, have one day off after and then keep studying the rest of the trip if he likes! He is being ridiculous to not go. He could even go sober so he can study the next day! If I was George I’d be really disappointed in your DH for backing out due to this reason.

Yeah it would be a bit weird to be honest.

Your DH should go - having a life 2 weeks before the exam is not the reason he failed the first time round. At this point he is acting out of superstition and will be missing the wedding of a good friend for essentially no reason. He can also still easily study on the plane and in the hotel while out there (just not the 10 hours of the wedding). If 10 hours of study-free time two weeks before an exam causes him to fail said exam, he should seek another profession.

Would be weird yes.

It’s ok for you to go by yourself but I think both of you should go. Your dh needs to plan his studying around his friend’s wedding. He committed to going and surely he can study all the time besides those couple of days.

No it wouldn’t be weird, but your DH should be going too!

If your husband insists on not going, it would be lovely for you to go to represent your family.
But “DH didn’t come because he’s studying” is a shit excuse.
Your husband should be going. He can study on the plane and in the down time.

Surely he can study around the wedding? If not, why can’t he miss the next scheduled exam and do the one after, you can do that with all professional exams I’m aware of, is this different?

My question is whether it would be weird for me to go without him?

No, of course not. You get a wonderful trip to celebrate their wedding, your other half gets to stay home to study. Win win situation.

Too many people tied at the hip on MN. Striking out on your own is empowering.

I love travelling solo.

Honestly, life is not scary. Travelling solo is great. Do what you want, when you want, how you want. Just don't forget your credit card lol.

I wouldn’t be taking a second repeat with such huge implications with such a short delay tbh. It means something’s wrong in his prep, he needs time to dig deeper into what to change. These things are usually highly standardized (and not necessarily in an instinctive way, you can be great but these are usually about strictly conforming to set expectations), somehow he’s missed the point of some aspects of it it seems. I understand personally him not wishing to attend, but I’d delay and both go.

He’s a doctor isn’t he. Which exam did he fail OP? And how is he coping?
Most people on here really don’t understand, take no notice of the negative comments OP. As someone in the exact same boat (minus the exam) I empathise. It’s keeping me awake at night, clearly.

Re: wedding, what’s your DHs opinion? Sounds to me like the groom is your friend too at this point. It’s also a holiday for you that you’ve paid for. I would go.

As an aside, do you know if there’s support group or something for your DH? This is such an isolating heart wrenching experience yet clearly I or your DH are not the only ones. (Which exam was it? )

Your husband should be going. He can study for most of the time.
A wedding can distract him for five hours.
Be supportive of him committing to the study on the trip and facilitate a quiet study area and him not feeling pressured to drinking too much or partying on all hours..

Yes, I guess he’s a doctor. I’ve been there, got the t-shirt, but in the days before there was a limit on attempts. It’s a massive, life-affecting pressure. Go to the wedding by yourself and leave him to study.

It wouldn't be weird but I'd encourage him to come along and have a break for a couple of hours to attend the ceremony and get some sun if you can afford it.

Written by someone who’s never had to sit professional exams!

it wouldn’t be at all weird for you to go on your own. Hope you have a lovely time.

Professional exams are far from ridiculous, massive lack of understanding from some posters unfortunately.

I can see why he doesn’t want to go, personally I think I would and perhaps this is a knee jerk reaction? It really depends on how much ‘extra’ actual knowledge and understanding is required on top of revision of what he already knows. Would he have the discipline to dedicate a few hours of study time daily whilst away from home?(which in fairness, can be equally distracting!)

If he decides he’s not going I’d give George the heads up but I’m sure they’d still want you to attend, maybe with another +1 😂

Best wishes to you DH.

Do you know anyone else at the wedding? I get that you got on with the fiancée but you only met her once, no offence but I don’t think you’ll be top of her list on her wedding day. She will be spread very thin seeing family and friends.

He's known about the wedding for long enough to plan his studying around it. Your DH is being ridiculous. He can take some study material with him. Downtime helps the brain. He doesn't have to drink.

I know they aren't but he should be able to pass them while still having some kind of a social life.

If I was George I’d be pretty hurt your dh blew off my wedding for an exam 2 weeks away….

She literally listed who she would know.

OP I think it's bad form for your DH not to go but I also get that the build up for professional exams can be utterly debilitating.

Is there not a resit sooner?

Stop with the professional exams shite will ye ffs. They're difficult and unpleasant to be sure but so is any manual job. You're all choosing to do them.

This. I'm currently taking professional exams. It doesn't impact our social life at all. If we're going out for a day I kiss get up early and do a couple of hours before the day starts