AIBU to go to wedding as a named invitee yet slightly glorified plus one

[countrywalks1]

DH and I have been invited to DH's old schoolfriend's (let's call him George) wedding this summer.

Background is we've known George for years, he now works as a teacher in Asia but before he moved out there would see him a couple of times a year - usually hosting a party with his now ex, but basically as a couple we always got on surprisingly well with George. My DH's parents are semi close to George's parents, it's that kind of vibe.

We invited him to our wedding last year but he couldn't make it for work. We were subsequently invited (both our names on the invite) to George's wedding, but we didn't initially commit because it was looking to be quite expensive as a European destination wedding.

This spring we went over to visit the country George works in and stopped off with him for a weekend - it was honestly so nice to catch up and I really got on with George's fiancee too so DH and I decided to commit and go to the wedding.

We have arranged everything - annual leave (a pain to get in our jobs), flights, hotels, transfer etc.

HOWEVER - DH has recently failed a professional exam on a repeat attempt. There is an attemt limit so he's got to be cautious, the next exam date is 2 weeks after the wedding so he's considering not going to the wedding to spend the time prepping.

My question is whether it would be weird for me to go without him? I appreciate in essence George is DH's long time friend, and I imagine I'm invited as a plus one in that context seeing as we're married. BUT I have known George for about 10 years now, have always got on with him and I REALLY like his fiancée in the sense that we could easily be best friends if she lived in the UK. Also I'll know some of DHs/George's shared friends who are also invited (again been a while since I've met up with them but would be nice to catch up).

Basically I was quite looking forward to the trip/wedding as I think it'll be great, and we've paid for it, but I don't know whether it would be weird to go by myself when I suppose on paper I might not seem as close to the couple as the other guests? Advice much appreciated people

His reasoning for not going is more weird than yours for going alone

I'm assuming you've never sat an important exam?

I didn't vote as you didn't state whether YABU is you going or not. I see no reason why you shouldn't go. You know the groom well and by going you can represent both you and your DH and make his apologies is person.

SQE by any chance?is waiting until the next exam sitting an option? Would take the pressure off and give your dh more time to prepare (there are also cheapish bootcamp style revision courses that you can do in lead up to the exam which only last a day or 2)

Just knew DH must be a junior Dr, and those exams are tough and it's devastating when you fail. Some people sail through them but others have to struggle. In my work I see both sorts and its not always the high flyers who make the best Dr's in the end. Let him take the time he needs to get the exam passed.

If it was a one afternoon thing I'd say he could probably afford the time but sounds like it's a longer trip and he probably doesn't have the head space to plan a trip right now.

Its especially not weird for you to go if he's a Dr, everyone will/should understand, you can have a fabulous time.

You should definitely go. He should try his absolute best to go because you have one life.

I feel like you both can go. His exams are important but no one can effectively revise 24/7 for exams - you need downtime to prevent mental fatigue

Believe me, you can revise every waking moment. And so he should be if this is medical specialist exams.

I see this from your DH’s perspective as these exams can be all-consuming, and if he has failed once he will feel under huge pressure to pass this time out. Could he get coaching to support him, from a qualified peer? If it’s preying on his mind, he won’t have a good time. Out of solidarity, I think I would decline for you both, and plan a big holiday to visit when he next gets a break. It’s just timing, nobody’s fault. If it were a weekend hop, I’d say go on your own, but if it’s long haul and your main holiday, it wouldn’t sit right with me to leave him home alone missing out.

This. Non medics simply don't get it I'm afraid. Also have (several) T-shirts. Definitely go alone, plenty more opportunities will come when all the stress is finally over.

If it is medical exams, you get kicked out of your program if you don’t pass them within a certain timeframe, so not really optional.

I do agree that if OP’s DH’s revision will be completely derailed by attendance at a wedding two weeks beforehand, he really isn’t ready to pass. The exams are about accumulating knowledge, not last minute cramming.

I always did exams at the last minute (not medical ones mind you) but always flew by the seat of my pants!

I absolutely wouldn't be going to the wedding if I were the OH. I've sat several stressful professional exams as a lawyer and yes I had sacrifice my life at this time, especially if there were limited retakes. It's not OP's place to demand her other half go! It's his decision to make, why risk a career for someone else's wedding?

OP if you feel comfortable going then do it, I don't think it's weird at all.

Exactly. As someone who was in higher education well into my twenties I have a list as long as my arm of social events I had to sacrifice for exams. It's not weird in the slightest, it just may be if you've never been in a similar position.

This

Totally agree with you. I prep people for exams, usually they need to be coached on understanding why a question is being asked - what is really being asked. He needs to get some help.
go to the wedding - you have to live life and keep your friends - you only get long term friends when they are people you like, trust and respect. If George is one of these people then you are missing a big moment for the sake of DH asking for help to pass exam.