White woman In a headscarf, would you stare?

[Tooshyshyhushhushidoi]

And conservative/ ‘modest’ clothing. Would you stare? Would you look twice?

context to follow :)

Well I wasn't going to join in, but as an atheist, I just feel that it's another man controlling women. If the rule didn't exist, if women weren't either ' madonna or whore', if women weren't 'good girls ' or 'bad girls', if women could just be people, not some strange temptress, but it's not going to happen. Because men are in charge of all religions and make the rules to suit themselves. It's one reason that I don't believe.

Does your partner force you to wear clothes?

@Coolhwip society forces me to wear clothes, public indecency is a crime 😉 but yes, I had an ex that tried to force me to dress the way he wanted. He is an ex because of his controlling abusive ways.

No, it's a common sight. I live in London and it's very diverse. I also disagree that someone fair must be a convert.

So do you go round wondering if every woman has been told to dress a certain way by her partner?

I don't know how old you are OP (I'm a hijabi btw) but when I was growing up in the 80s it was fairly common to see older white women in headscarves. There is a long (lost?) tradition of wearing headscarves in these isles so not sure why those people were shaking their heads when chances are their ancestors wore them! In fact you're probably reviving an old British tradition...😁.

@Coolhwip it is something I often wonder when I see women particularly covered up or dressed in a way that doesn’t look at all comfortable, yes.

It must be confusing for people who see my mother-in-law in her sari with her head covered, but her midriff happily bare. Is she avoiding the male gaze or inviting it?

I think you’re just going to have to work on ignoring stares and comments. Please yourself then someone is happy. I had the opposite in that I refused to cover my hair as a married woman in my faith. It wasn’t something I was comfortable with doing and on the occasions it was expected I just didn’t do it. I also refused to express the ‘correct viewpoint’ on the Israeli occupation of Palestine and if I was put on the spot, stated it wasn’t acceptable to me. I was deeply disapproved of but as I rarely had to mix with people who were hugely pro Israeli government, and only attended synagogue on an absolutely ‘have to’ basis, it didn’t affect me too badly on an everyday basis. My reputation within the community was crap but honestly, I didn’t care. Do what is right for you OP . You’ll not stop the tuts and the stares, but you can get better at having the courage of your own beliefs, culture and sense of yourself and stuff anyone who has an issue with it. Wear your hijab, dress modestly and be proud.

So you think you’re helping these women by staring at them?

Is it possible they are people who recognise you and are surprised to see you in hijab? No excuse, of course, but maybe an explanation....

I wear hijab. Ex who was controlling and abusive hated it as he couldn’t show me off to his friends like a prize cow.

I wear a headscarf because I want to.

I've never given second thought to what anyone wears, but I grew up in east London with a lot of different cultures.

I did once see a woman in a really intricately done hijab and I did stare trying to figure out how she’d created the style, whether I could copy it, whether I had the patience (probably not), how long it must have taken her and where she’d placed the pins…. I should have just asked her

Why would people who know OP stare at her aggressively?

Women of an age equipment to my mum's generation wore headscarves because on a weekly basis they would have a shampoo and set. Periodically they were have a perm. Both were fairly expensive, so to keep the look, they wore a headscarf outside the house. My mum wrapped her coiffure up in a turban style scarf when she was doing housework, so that it kept clean until the next torturous ritual of wash, rollers, grips and goodness knows what else. Ladies of the county set always did it. Younger women, the generation after that, didn't have the same rituals about hair. We had hot brushes and heated rollers and washed our hair more than often, neither did we go to the hairdresser for ritual.

People will look when they see something out of the ordinary, or something that worries them. It's human nature.

What does it have to do with you anyway? Are you a hijab wearing asian woman, or just another woke white virtue-signaller?

@Coolhwip I’ve never claimed to help any woman by staring at them. You’re rather naive if you think people don’t look at other people and wonder things about them. It’s frankly gaslighting the OP to stand there and say no one looks, no one cares, no one wonders anything. So many people will and do, whether she’s wearing a head scarf or crucifix. If you keep your eyes down and refuse to look at anyone else that’s on you but plenty will be looking at you when you’re about too, just the same as people look at me and everyone else around them. I’ll stick to being concerned that women are being abused all the same, not all of them are but some will be and people being aware of that is an infinitely good thing.

Equivalent not equipment obviously. Bloody autocorrect!

Perhaps it would intrigue the posters who wonder if my husband forces me to wear it, my husband actively asks for me not to, due to the amount of attention it gets. He hates the abaya and hijab combo. Going to make him sound like a bit of a butt but in public I can feel him sometimes pulling back a little from me…I know for a fact he’d loathe it if I wore the face covering or the chador or the jilbab, I think he’d refuse to be seen with me

^ I actually really dislike that about him

You say you stare at women wearing hijab. It’s fine to look, it’s rude to stare.

What would help Muslim women is if you stop staring at them. They are not exhibits at a zoo, and they don’t need your faux concern.

When I was growing up in the sixties head scarves were very common wear especially after being to the hairdressers or to hide your rollers.
Saw a white woman the other day wearing one the way worn by our late Queen and just thought oh that takes me back.

@SoloMamabyChoice

You're not a twat. You were honest and admitted to being curious - many people would look and would also be curious but not wish to admit it.
It's clear to me from your post that in no way did you mean to offend anyone, and or would you wish to.
And anyway..........I have a theory that people who are actually twats have no idea that they are - which is partly why they are twats 🤷‍♀️

@Coolhwip "Why would people who know OP stare at her aggressively?"

1. I didn't realise the stares were aggressive.
2. I said "recognise" not "know". If you're used to seeing a neighbour in T shirt and shorts and suddenly start seeing her in a hijab you might be surprised and look twice.

I probably would notice but only because I'd be interested in your life.

I lived in the Middle East for a while (I loved it), and chose to wear a scarf and abaya. I didn't have to. I actually loved my abaya and got quite a few compliments on it from the local women.

I found the local men gave me more attention, not less, when I wore it. Maybe because it was unusual to see it on a young white woman. Or maybe it signalled to them "good Muslim woman"?! I am not Muslim but I got several marriage proposals!

I've also worn it when visiting Muslim sites of worship as a tourist. I haven't been stared at there, most people have just assumed I'm a Muslim I guess.

I haven't worn it in the UK.

@Tooshyshyhushhushidoi - My mom enjoys the attention because it usually opens up a conversation. She is your typical American mom. She likes ppl to know that its something that she choose to do for the love of her family and husband (rightly or wrongly) and that her support for my dad and us were more important to her than being Christian. She is barely observant of any religion but follows the general gist and does use it to suit her and our wider families needs. My dad is happy for her to be whatever and whoever she wants to be. The support and love they have for each other is beyond religion, faith or anything like that.