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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:
Rycbar · 07/06/2023 15:08

It could be down to venues.
our wedding venue have really strongly implied that they don’t like children there and if we do have a lot of them then we need to hire childcare for the day.

CasperGutman · 07/06/2023 15:08

@Pipsquiggle I'm not sure I was being ridiculous. In your response to my post you say "It's not about 'the whole horror and dislike of inviting children'" then go on to provide a list of possible reasons, which literally includes "Some B&G don't like DC" and "B&G don't like DC as much as their parents".

Okay, so I suppose there's a subtle distinction between not inviting children because you dislike inviting children (which my wording implied) and not inviting children because you dislike children (as per your wording), but I'm not sure it's a difference in substance! 😉

MumApril1990 · 07/06/2023 15:19

I’ve noticed when declining child free weddings, that people
are surprised as they assume you have alive and involved grandparents who can babysit free. Not everyone has someone.

AverageJoan · 07/06/2023 15:22

I'm getting married later in the year and we aren't inviting children (except for our own baby) because, first of all, I just don't think weddings are a place for children. Having been to 3 weddings so far since LO was born in October, I much preferred the one she wasn't invited to. They get bored, tired, antsy, loud, over-stimulated. I couldn't relax knowing she needed feeding, napping, constantly worrying about if she was going to get fussy.
Secondly, as others have said, if you invited kids in some cases it would double the guest list and have massive cost implications. I know it's annoying for some, and we've had some invitations declined because of it and you too don't need to accept the invitations if it is inconvenient for your family

PoppyPP · 07/06/2023 15:29

I remember trying to keep my 2 year old in the pew and quiet during a family wedding (DH was best man and DS wanted to go to him at the front. Such a stressful loooooong Catholic service. It wasn’t fun, I wasn’t listening 🤦🏼‍♀️ Much prefer a no child invite.

MumApril1990 · 07/06/2023 15:32

@AverageJoan but where was your baby whilst you were at the wedding? My baby was born in October too and we don’t have anyone who can babysit, I wouldn’t want to leave a young baby with a stranger.

AverageJoan · 07/06/2023 15:33

@MumApril1990 totally understand it's difficult for people who don't have help, my LO was with my MIL for the day

Axahooxa · 07/06/2023 15:34

I missed so many of my friends’ weddings because if this. I feel I missed out on a lot and resent it!

MystyLuna · 07/06/2023 16:38

Things like this is one of the reasons why my husband and I did a civil partnership last year. Cost £47 and took 7 mins. We didn't tell anyone in advance. We just asked 2 neighbours to come with us to be our witnesses, we didn't even tell them where we were going or why until we got there. Our own child wasn't even there. He was at school.
I would hate to have to go to 7 weddings in a year.
Either go without your kids or don't go at all.
It isn't worth worrying about.
As long as you enjoyed your own wedding don't worry what other people are doing with their wedding.

NoThanksymm · 07/06/2023 17:03

Children at weddings are horrible! I hope there are never kids there again!

wedding is about the bride and groom and celebrating them! Go! Dance! Drink! Relive all the epic times you’ve had together! Unless the kids have a relationship with them don’t expect an in the for them.

don’t be lazy. Figure out child care. You have LOTS of notice. If it’s the cost then take it out of the present.

or don’t go. If this friend or family member means so little to you that you aren’t excited about celebrating them, then please rsvp no. It may have been a courtesy invite. Or it may have been a last olive branch. Either way, the bride and groom know where you stand with them when you decline due to the kids. And you’re getting moved to the ‘used to be friends’ list.

and whatever the bride and groom HAVE to invite nieces and nephews, and maybe a couple kids you really like and are part of their lives. Newborns I’ll even allow, you can juggle them with a sitter and a nearby hotel though. But cousins kids? Friends kids? Kids they’ve met twice and the other half of the happy couple has never met? NOPE!!!

yes there are costs involved. Some venues charge by head, or a wedding of 100 can balloon into a wedding of 250 easily if you invite kids. It’s not just ‘the baby doesn’t eat’.

Behaviour is an issue. The are about three kinds of parents. And you may be more than one.

the parents that “oh it’s 9:00, the little gremlin is past it’s bed time, time to go” - geee thanks, you just cost me 150$ a head, two of which I dont know, and I really dont love your significant other that much either. Thanks for celebrating for a whole couple moments, and reinforcing how very little our relationship means.

there are the parents that generally suck. Just let the kids run wild. Especially at family weddings, then grandma grandpa (aunt, uncle) are wrangling them the whole time rather than enjoying and celebrating.

then there are the really excellent parents (my opinion clearly) where they have socialized their kids properly, kids are a delight, then they pass out on a pile of coats under the table and the party continues. Those parents get their kids invited.

I may have kids, I may love kids. I even invited kids my husband has met to the wedding. But I don’t think weddings are the place for kids IF THE BRIDE AND GROOM DON’T WANT THEM OR INVITE THEM.

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 20:30

NoThanksymm · 07/06/2023 17:03

Children at weddings are horrible! I hope there are never kids there again!

wedding is about the bride and groom and celebrating them! Go! Dance! Drink! Relive all the epic times you’ve had together! Unless the kids have a relationship with them don’t expect an in the for them.

don’t be lazy. Figure out child care. You have LOTS of notice. If it’s the cost then take it out of the present.

or don’t go. If this friend or family member means so little to you that you aren’t excited about celebrating them, then please rsvp no. It may have been a courtesy invite. Or it may have been a last olive branch. Either way, the bride and groom know where you stand with them when you decline due to the kids. And you’re getting moved to the ‘used to be friends’ list.

and whatever the bride and groom HAVE to invite nieces and nephews, and maybe a couple kids you really like and are part of their lives. Newborns I’ll even allow, you can juggle them with a sitter and a nearby hotel though. But cousins kids? Friends kids? Kids they’ve met twice and the other half of the happy couple has never met? NOPE!!!

yes there are costs involved. Some venues charge by head, or a wedding of 100 can balloon into a wedding of 250 easily if you invite kids. It’s not just ‘the baby doesn’t eat’.

Behaviour is an issue. The are about three kinds of parents. And you may be more than one.

the parents that “oh it’s 9:00, the little gremlin is past it’s bed time, time to go” - geee thanks, you just cost me 150$ a head, two of which I dont know, and I really dont love your significant other that much either. Thanks for celebrating for a whole couple moments, and reinforcing how very little our relationship means.

there are the parents that generally suck. Just let the kids run wild. Especially at family weddings, then grandma grandpa (aunt, uncle) are wrangling them the whole time rather than enjoying and celebrating.

then there are the really excellent parents (my opinion clearly) where they have socialized their kids properly, kids are a delight, then they pass out on a pile of coats under the table and the party continues. Those parents get their kids invited.

I may have kids, I may love kids. I even invited kids my husband has met to the wedding. But I don’t think weddings are the place for kids IF THE BRIDE AND GROOM DON’T WANT THEM OR INVITE THEM.

You sound like a horrible person.

HowNowBrownElephant · 07/06/2023 20:35

MystyLuna · 07/06/2023 16:38

Things like this is one of the reasons why my husband and I did a civil partnership last year. Cost £47 and took 7 mins. We didn't tell anyone in advance. We just asked 2 neighbours to come with us to be our witnesses, we didn't even tell them where we were going or why until we got there. Our own child wasn't even there. He was at school.
I would hate to have to go to 7 weddings in a year.
Either go without your kids or don't go at all.
It isn't worth worrying about.
As long as you enjoyed your own wedding don't worry what other people are doing with their wedding.

The absolute dream.

I really enjoyed my wedding, there were no issues, but with 20/20 hindsight, I’d do this. The money could have been put to much, much better use.

Peekingovertheparapet · 07/06/2023 20:48

We left it up to our guests. We were deliberately vague on the invite and that actually meant that some people brought the whole family, whilst others got a babysitter, some brought a babe in arms, and others left their spouse and kids at home. It felt easiest all round and was not controversial

bladebladebla1 · 07/06/2023 20:49

Lol, if I invited all my friends kids I would literally have to add 40 seats, 40 meals to pay for and neither them or their parents want them to come . No brainer.

bladebladebla1 · 07/06/2023 21:05

Bananalanacake · 05/06/2023 12:52

You must be very popular, or have a large family, I've only been to 4 weddings in my whole life and I'm 47😫

Crikey

Hannahsbananas · 07/06/2023 21:07

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 20:30

You sound like a horrible person.

Show quote history

I’m guessing you’re the third type of parent 😂

wildeststorm · 07/06/2023 21:09

2/3 of the weddings we went to this year were child free. It doesn't bother me but both of the child free weddings allowed babes in arms etc. so there were still kids screaming through the service etc. I'm not sure what the point of it was but didn't affect me Smile

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 21:23

@Hannahsbananas I'm Asian, where there aren't any child free weddings so not something I even think about since most of my friends are Asian too.

Pp said "or don’t go. If this friend or family member means so little to you that you aren’t excited about celebrating them, then please rsvp no. It may have been a courtesy invite. Or it may have been a last olive branch. Either way, the bride and groom know where you stand with them when you decline due to the kids. And you’re getting moved to the ‘used to be friends’ list. "

Thats a selfish sentiment. Then again I'm Asian and we tend to be family oriented so maybe outside of my cultures this is just the way people are.

Hannahsbananas · 07/06/2023 21:28

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 21:23

@Hannahsbananas I'm Asian, where there aren't any child free weddings so not something I even think about since most of my friends are Asian too.

Pp said "or don’t go. If this friend or family member means so little to you that you aren’t excited about celebrating them, then please rsvp no. It may have been a courtesy invite. Or it may have been a last olive branch. Either way, the bride and groom know where you stand with them when you decline due to the kids. And you’re getting moved to the ‘used to be friends’ list. "

Thats a selfish sentiment. Then again I'm Asian and we tend to be family oriented so maybe outside of my cultures this is just the way people are.

But other people have a right to think / behave differently without being told they’re a horrible person, wouldn’t you say?
Child free events are culturally odd to you, but not to everyone.

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 21:36

@Hannahsbananas it's her saying that people will be moved to the used to be friends list that I think makes her a horrible person - an opinion I'm entitled to given her aggressive response. So it's ok for her to be aggressive but not ok for me to have an opinion on it.

I don't have an issue with child free weddings - like I said different culture but I think her harsh take on people choosing their own kids over a wedding makes her come across as horrid.

Hannahsbananas · 07/06/2023 21:39

Choosing their own kids over a wedding - how dramatic can you get?!
Do you literally never go anywhere without your kids, @bringitrightback ?
It sounds very limiting.

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 21:40

Hannahsbananas · 07/06/2023 21:39

Choosing their own kids over a wedding - how dramatic can you get?!
Do you literally never go anywhere without your kids, @bringitrightback ?
It sounds very limiting.

Not everyone can find a babysitter so yes they would choose their kids over a wedding.

Womencanlift · 07/06/2023 21:43

It wasn’t an aggressive response. In fact it was probably one of the most honest responses on this thread.

These parents who are pissed that they are invited without kids (pp said she still resents having to decline years later - wtf!), would you be as pissed if the couple eloped? Or is it the day out that you resent missing out on?

bringitrightback · 07/06/2023 21:44

@Hannahsbananas im trying for a baby FYI with difficulty - so no I don't have children. Your statement does not apply to me. By the way I'm starting to think you're attacking me for my culture. So the PP's aggressive post is ok but my sentiment is not.
Like I said it's not child free weddings that I have an issue with. It's the harsh opinion on people who choose their kids over weddings that I find not ok.
Do you really think it's easy for people to find babysitters? Surely you are able to understand that this isn't something everyone can have easy access to?