Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

Most weddings we have attended have been child free, unless it was children of B&G or immediate family and no one has minded. I really don't get folk being offended that their children aren't invited.

Personally I think it's a day for adults and if we had invited everyone to bring their children, there would have been about 40 kids which changes the whole vibe, plus we married next to a river so no one would be able to relax.

We decided not to have children because one friend has the most badly behaved children. It upset a lot of other people but we had to be consistent. The friend said they would still come but couldn’t bring her partner as they would look after them. On the day they all turned up, behaved as badly as we feared. Luckily they didn’t come to the reception as there was no spaces for them.

I loved going to weddings as a child. Really sad I haven't been able to introduce my now five-year old to the joys of ceilidhs and rock the boat. I've been going along solo but it's pretty rubbish when you can't bring your partner.

I know a few couples who have eloped and just got married on their own (probably to avoid entitled relatives, going by this thread)

Their families are happily combined. So they didn’t have to have a big public occasion to make that happen

Not their responsibility to provide an opportunity for families to get together or to reach children how to behave in formal settings

That is awful. So bloody entitled. Glad they got the message with the reception but of course disrupting the service itself is the worse thing the could have done

Bet the parents thought their little darlings were just expressing themselves

I love a child free wedding! So much less stress, can actually hold a proper conversation with people you probably haven't seen in ages, and a proper night's sleep after. Bliss.

Anyway, friends who have done them said it was just that they either had too many friends to invite everyone if kids came too or the charge was per person and kids frankly weren't going to get the value out of it to reflect the cost. I don't blame them, I wouldn't spend £100 each on my kids attending a wedding either.

We had a child free wedding. If we invited all of the children of guests, we would have had 35 additional guests… essentially a classroom of children. I regret nothing!

The couple are free to not invite children to an event and you are equally free to decline if you dont want to/are unable to attend without kids. You chose to have kids, they choose not to invite them to their event. No one is unreasonable

I can't understand the whole horror and dislike of inviting children to weddings. A wedding isn't an adults-only party, or an Insta-friendly photo opportunity. It's a public ceremony at which two people make vows to each other in front of the community of their family and friends. If that community includes children, why wouldn't they be there? It's also good for children to see and be involved in important and joyful rites of passage. If they are to grow up aspiring to have strong relationships and perhaps marriages of their own, surely they need some kind of experience of weddings as a model to base that on.

I have never been to a child-free wedding, and have also never been to a wedding that made children the "focal point". The bride and groom have always fulfilled that role at weddings I have attended. 😕

I do somewhat agree with you that I don't see why "it's the children who make weddings so special". Children at a wedding are just part of the scene.

My partner and I don’t have kids and when we get married it will be a child free wedding. Firstly, as others have mentioned, the cost of having children (some of whom you barely know) is extremely expensive. Secondly, his friends in particular, have poorly parented children who would happily be allowed to run around causing chaos at all times. I’ve personally been to weddings where children have run through the first dance and started breakdancing “because it’s funny” with no correction, as well as one where a child actually grabbed and ruined the cake before it could be cut. We feel that as it is a once occurring, special and memorable day for us, we should be able to enjoy that without interruption or stress from peoples children being allowed to do whatever they want. Equally, we’d be happy and accept that people may not be able to attend due to this and understand that the rule doesn’t fit well into everyone’s lifestyle. However I will say, those to tend to complain about it and kick off rather than a simple “sorry we can’t make it” tend to be the ones who’s children would be the most naughty causing the most problems.

If they are to grow up aspiring to have strong relationships and perhaps marriages of their own, surely they need some kind of experience of weddings as a model to base that on
Eh? You really think a day of dancing and carousing is in any way representative of a marriage??

@CasperGutman - you're being ridiculous

It's not about 'the whole horror and dislike of inviting children'

It's about all or any of the following:

• Cost - DC are not worth spending circa £70 - £100 per head
• Venue capacity - there's a max no. of people you can invite due to fire regs
• Inviting good friends usurp inviting children you hardly know
• B&G want an adult ambience to their wedding where parents can relax and have a proper chat
• Some DC are not well behaved so better to have a blanket ban than have some DC invited and some not as that would cause even more grief
• Some B&G don't like DC
• B&G don't like DC as much as their parents
• B&G don't believe that DC 'make a wedding'
• And the list goes on........

I am through most weddings now and I have to say I prefer child free weddings as I, selfishly, have a lot more fun at them.

You changed the goal post not me lol. I agree we have stereotypes for other nations, including down right nasty ones, but they tend to be for a few 'big' nations not loads of little European countries. I am surprised they even think of us let alone have such specific stereotypes like for our children. I asked for stereotypes of European children in British culture not 'nasty things I've heard a British person say' and you couldn't come up with a single one because they don't exist.

*move goalpost obv.

only been to one wedding this year. My God daughter. She had no children invites but was sadly persuaded to allow one of her friends DC to this wedding. The mum said she was still feeding her ( she was 2 1/2 years old ) it was the worse decision she made. The DC a screamed at the service. Screamed and ran off during the photographs. Screamed during the speeches and ran around the bride and groom during the first dance. Was accident knocked over by the groom dancing and proceeded to scream again.
their wedding video is awful to watch unless you turn it on silence.

Any weddings I've been to (in Ireland) would have the bride's and groom's own children and their nieces/nephews, but that's usually it. It would be unusual for children of friends, for example, to be invited. I don't know if that's a culture thing or not. I would see a wedding as a big adult (alcohol fuelled) party, certainly saw my own that way. Not a child friendly event. Maybe that is just Irish weddings though.

This raises another question: at what point are breastfed babies deemed old enough to not have to come? Purely rhetorical - not asking for replies giving a precise age. 😁 I personally think a 2.5 year old is old enough to not have to go to a local wedding if childcare isn’t an issue (weaned a long time ago etc) but then I don’t know the child.

I experienced the same “But what ifs” as this bride did. I can see why people choose to do a more blanket “no kids”, I must say. (Breastfeeding young babies and families travelling from abroad aside.)

How am I changing the goal posts? I have detailed the stereotypes I have heard about children, ones that I have been on the receiving end of as a child in the UK. That there is some overlap between the ones directed at adults and those directed at children doesn't somehow negate the application to children. By that logic stereotypes of badly behaved British children don’t count because there is also the stereotype about the badly behaved British adult.

People really don’t think/talk about the British that much tbh, not outside of popular tourist resorts and/or if they’re specifically asked to comment.

Going alone is rubbish especially if its a wedding where you're close to the bride/groom but don't know many other people or the other people are in couples. Often means sitting on your own feeling awkward if you arent socially confident enough to go into established groups of people who all already know each other.

I’d love this, the perfect excuse to decline the invitation 😂 But I’ve never been a fan of weddings anyway

I kind of feel like if people invite guests to a child free wedding whom they know have small children and no childcare, then it should be the case that they're inviting certain people because it would be weird not to, but they don't really care about whether these guests attend or not. Having said this, I've seen a lot of posts on groups about people worrying about weddings because the bride is angry at them for not attending. That's not on. The couple can't have it both ways.

A lot of people are replying "get childcare". Given a lot of weddings I've attended have been at a totally different end of the country, I bet I'm not the only parent who would feel uncomfortable to get a random person to look after my child for at least a day and a half plus overnight, nor would I have the cash to fund this even if I wanted to. I also wonder if the people who are saying "leave kids with your partner and go on your own" as an alternative have been to a wedding that is so far away it requires an over night stay and also don't know any of the other guests other than to say hello to. It takes a certain kind of person to get enjoyment from this sort of scenario and I certainly wouldn't say that would be "most people". To be honest, I've travelled the world on my own so I'm not new to having to make small talk with strangers, but I still wouldn't relish this sort of set up, especially not when I'm knackered from being a new mum and have very little energy to come up with small talk. I know how I'd rather spend my money and my time. Slightly different if it's close by and you can justify going for a small amount of time and leaving early.

The idea that kids can go to the service but not the reception is a new one on me and slightly confusing. I guess the idea is that you're making it possible for guests to attend the important (and conveniently cheaper) part. However, the hardest part of a wedding to get through with a kid is surely the service? Where they need to be quiet and sit still. So then, as a parent, you have to get through all of that and don't get to have an enjoyable afternoon/evening after (not to mention it's the only opportunity where you get to actually interact with the bride/groom and pass on your congratulations). I'd say, I wouldn't see a lot of point in going along.

I don't particularly like attending weddings with a small child so it's not that I particularly want to take them along .... but it's not particularly easy to leave mine behind either
... so I just wouldn't be going. I feel like that's just how it rolls, having a young family with no extended family to help out with childcare. Like I said though, all good (I put myself in this position), so long as I don't get judged for being rude for not attending.

You aren't at all being unreasonable op but neither are the wedding organisers. Personally I think child free is great as it gives you a great reason to decline guilt free and spare yourself the expense. On the flip its such a shame to miss out on a special occasion but when you reach a certain age pretty much everyone has kids and its just not affordable for most couples to have them all along. I haven't come across any venues that are of the opinion that children can just come along in any numbers and for free so the cost implications are collosal, and more importantly, each child takes up a place that could otherwise go to another adult actual friend. Venues also have capacity and I've seen lots of people opting for smaller ceremonies which naturally limits who can go. That said, I've also had a wedding invitation which changed after a few months to allow babies upto a certain age because they simply realised how many people would be unable to attend.

I am surprised by the number of people who wouldn't go to a wedding on their own.

It's pretty unusual to know no one at a wedding - usually you will have some mutual friends. I also broadly trust my friends with the seating plan to seat me next to someone nice especially if I am there alone. I have been to several weddings on my own. I would prefer it to taking my small children along to be honest!

Every wedding I've ever been at have followed this exact format:
Ceremony (either civil or in a church)
Drinks reception
Sit down formal meal
Disco dancing

In my opinion it's not very suitable for children. I have children, not married, if I ever have a wedding it will be child free. We have family weddings coming up that children are invited to, at most we will bring ours to the ceremony to be part of family photos and that will be it. They will have a much better day in comfortable tracksuit playing outside in their nanny and grandads, and we will have a less stressful day trying to make them sit and be quiet all day so as to not be ruining other guests day!

I would love for someone to think of a different alternative to weddings but I'm not sure what would work in a country where the weather is unreliable and unpredictable, insurance costs seem to be a massive problem, and the expense of "doing it yourself" style garden party seems extortionate. Maybe if these things change, my view will change.

We can be invited to several weddings a month in the season, due to the nature of my husbands business. We are often invited to the weddings of his colleagues/clients children as business guest of the parents as we have dealt with these people regularly for 30+ years in some cases and watched their families grow up. In the last few years I have found, in my experience, mainly the ones that have lots of children at are the ones being paid for by the parents. When bride and groom themselves are paying £150 a head they limit it to friends and family they see - which I understand as its costly to invite Xs 3 children you have never met and your cousin you have not seen since you were 5. However if the wedding is paid for I've seen far more open invites.