To break up with partner of 6 years because he hasn't proposed?

[Timelles]

Met my DP 6 years ago, we moved in together after a year and started trying for a family. From the start we both agreed we wanted marriage and children.

One of my younger siblings met their now husband at the same time I met my partner. They have since married and have a child together.

My youngest sibling announced their engagement to their partner of 2 years over the weekend and whilst I am thrilled for them I am bereft for myself.

Children doesn't look to be happening for us, 6 months ago our last IVF round failed and it was incredibly traumatic. The clinic told us it was almost impossible that we would conceive using my eggs. I think in the back of my mind I had hoped he would have proposed so that we have our wedding to focus on to help ease the grief of knowing I will probably never have my own biological children.

I have asked my DP whether he is stringing me along and he insists that he does plan to ask me to marry him and get married but says that I put too much pressure on him asking whether he will propose.

I feel like too much time has passed now and actually feel resentful that he hasn't proposed yet.

Please be kind, I am very emotional and confused. I love him with all my heart but I hate being in limbo like this. I want something to look forward to because at the moment life seems pretty pointless.

Unfortunate cross-post from @febrezeme!

Congratulations OP. A great resolution. Wishing you every happiness

I am pleased that the conversation went well. Although I am a bit confused about why you still have to sit around waiting for his proposal. Are you going to start booking things regardless?

Start booking! Don’t wait for the proposal!

I'm not waiting around for a proposal, we are planning the wedding 😍

It's really interesting that you, along with others on mumsnet; seem to know so much about his intentions without actually knowing the man 😂

Brilliant. This is the way it should go, and if one partner insists on a 'proposal' they still can in the mean time. Glad you've had a good chat together about this OP and hope it all works out well for you both.

@Timelles yay, this has made me smile this morning. Congratulations. Something positive for you both to look forward to! OK, he may take his time, but him actually pulling you aside for a grown up conversation about goals is a sign of someone it is worth marrying. In this for the long haul, not the short term wedding :)

See, I actually think it’s the other way round - if the OP was living in the 1800s, she probably wouldn’t have let the guy string her along for six years. Women in those days usually made it pretty clear what was supposed to happen, ie an engagement once the “courting” process had gone on a certain length of time. They might not have flat out said “Propose or else” or proposed to the guy, but they had their ways of setting their boundaries.

This is a lovely update OP! Congratulations! And well done for being brave and stepping up.

That is wonderful: congratulations (glad I RTFT before replying to this)! All that was ever necessary was to have a discussion about what you've jointly decided your future will hold, and to make the necessary arrangements to ensure that happens!

So much for all the expectations that a woman's place is to wait around for a proposal, and that 'if he hasn't proposed to yet, he never will'. What bunkum. And at least if you hadn't been on the same page, you'd have had your answer once and for all and been able to make your own decisions for your future on that basis.

I agree with the PPs who have stated that a proposal is not important. It really isn't.

I'm so sorry, on the other hand, about your failed IVF cycle. I know first-hand just how painful that is, and also how people shy away from talking about it as though it's some kind of embarrassment. I didn't ovulate. If it had come to that, I'd have used donor eggs in a heartbeat, but in our case it was DH to whom that was important. I've had failed cycles, and five miscarriages, before conceiving our one and only DC.

I truly hope for a better outcome for you. Best wishes for your future happiness

Women have lived in very strange times. I'm more than happy that we now live in a society in which a we can know our own minds, know what we want, and ask for it.

I've never computed the strange logic behind any expectation that women won't communicate it is we want, expect others to read our minds, then get all upset when we don't get it!

I’m so glad you had that heart to heart, best thing I’ve heard all day.

I wish you all the best OP. And even though you know it’s coming, I hope he manages to catch you out with the proposal! ❤️

Great news, I'm glad it's all worked out for you

Wonderful news@Timelles, congratulations!
I read this yesterday and I was so happy to read your update today. Very best wishes to you and your DP for a very happy future. ❤

I'm not waiting around for a proposal, we are planning the wedding

I'm pleased that you're happy, but this sentence above makes no sense at all !

What a brilliant outcome. I hope the wedding planning is fun for you both and you have a wonderful life together - and that he gets his big proposal in before the wedding!

They’re essentially engaged.

huge congrats @Timelles
its great you were able to have a heart to heart. All the best 💐

@Teder

They're planning the wedding, so I would agree that's essentially engaged

OP also said that her DP still wants to propose and knows where he wants to do it. That's the bit I feel makes no sense. Why would someone propose AFTER they've started planning a wedding?

It’s an experience for some people there’s no harm in wanting to do a bit of play acting

Then the proposal of marriage has already happened and been accepted, one way or another.