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Original poster

I really like this guy but he isn’t attractive

47 replies

taylga · 05/06/2023 01:35

Long story short, I’ve been speaking to this particular guy that I used to work with a lot more recently, and I feel like things could be taken to the next level soon. We get along really well, and he has an amazing personality. He's caring and kind, makes me feel good about myself, but I’m just physically not attracted to him at all. He’s not my normal type, and if I hadn’t worked with him before, I don’t think I would have ever spoken to him outside of work. The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about him, and I'm imagining a future with him. I’ve spoken to a few friends and work colleagues about him, and they all think I’m mad. I try to tell them about his personality, and they normally just laugh at me and don’t take me seriously.

I just wanted some opinions from you all. Can a relationship work if you’re not physically attracted to the other person?

I hope I'm not coming across as a stuck up b! I'm no supermodel either.

OP posts:
ReluctantFishLady · 05/06/2023 01:40

Honestly, if a relationship is going to last, there are many things that will gel it together, but a real priority to get you through any hard times, is that you fancy the pants off him.

MavisMcMinty · 05/06/2023 01:50

My OH and I were friends for about a decade before we got together, and I nearly bottled out of getting into a relationship with him, as I didn’t see him in a sexual way at all. He’d been with a friend of mine when we first met, and so it simply wasn’t allowed for me to fancy him, not that he was my usual sex-god type anyway. Well long story short, we shared a bed one night, I happened to see what a lovely big cock he had and that was that, we’ve been together for nearly 30 years.

However, the fella before him was a deliberate choice to stop going out with cheating sex-gods and try a nice man for a change, and that didn’t work out, I ended up despising him.

Worth giving him a try, if he makes you laugh that’s a very good start.

moonskye · 05/06/2023 01:52

I think relationships can work if you're not physically attracted to somebody at first because physical attraction can grow. But I don't think it would last long if you don't start to find them physically attractive soon. I once dated a guy back in uni that I wasn't attracted to at first. I liked his personality a lot, but I didn't find him attractive because he wasn't my usual type. Weeks after we first started hanging out, I remember an occasion when I went around to his flat as we were due to go out somewhere together and planned to meet up with our other friends, and he answered the door to me without his top on. I just saw him in a different light. He had quite a nice body and I just hadn't really thought about what his arms and chest looked like until then. After spending time together I realised that I quite liked him and that maybe the attraction could grow. We went on to have an on and off again relationship and were intimate a few times. I found after then that I didn't really want to carry on a relationship, but not because I wasn't attracted to him, but more because I didn't think we were compatible in the bedroom. I don't mean for that to sound harsh, but there needs to be a spark there that brings you together in that way, but that spark wasn't there for us and we were better off as friends. I don't regret giving it a go though, it was worth exploring as there could have been something more in it for us both - I don't think you'd know unless you tried.

greenspaces4peace · 05/06/2023 02:01

looks change and it's one trait that's unlikely to last.
just like most of us: a good haircut, taking care of any dental and skin issues, followed by dressing nicely, fixes up the most unique features.
add in an improved diet with some exercise and you may have an adonis in disguise.
now you've not said that the issue is, full on facial tattoo's might now respond to the above treatment.

minipie · 05/06/2023 02:04

Not physically attracted to him because he’s not your usual type? Or because (at least in your eyes) he is bad looking?

There’s a big difference IMO. Your type can change. If you think he’s reasonably good looking just not in “your usual type” way, then you may well come to appreciate his looks. But if you think he’s basically quite ugly, there’s always going to be that thought in the back of your head.

BallandBoe · 05/06/2023 02:12

Please give this guy a chance, because it sounds to me like there is a definite spark.

I'm intrigued to know why your co-workers think you are mad? In what way? Because you are 'opposites?'.

PerryMenno · 05/06/2023 02:13

minipie · 05/06/2023 02:04

Not physically attracted to him because he’s not your usual type? Or because (at least in your eyes) he is bad looking?

There’s a big difference IMO. Your type can change. If you think he’s reasonably good looking just not in “your usual type” way, then you may well come to appreciate his looks. But if you think he’s basically quite ugly, there’s always going to be that thought in the back of your head.

Yes I agree with that. If you're fairly neutral towards his looks then if he really is a lovely person who treats you well, in time you will probably find he appeals to you more. You might notice little things about him to admire even if the whole package is not what you would normally go for.

If you're actually put off by some aspect of his looks I don't think that's likely to change!

Aussiegirl88 · 05/06/2023 02:13

I've been with people I wasn't attracted to however the attraction grew during the dating phase and to me became extremely attractive.
It's weird how it works.

Same way when I think of an ex he was the hottest thing when we were together now I can look him and think what an actual disgusting pig, how was I ever attracted to that!

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2023 02:19

I'm thinking your friends and colleagues are arseholes. Real attraction is almost entirely mental and emotional. That being said, if his looks really are a deal breaker, end it now. He deserves to find someone who fully appreciates him.

BallandBoe · 05/06/2023 02:23

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2023 02:19

I'm thinking your friends and colleagues are arseholes. Real attraction is almost entirely mental and emotional. That being said, if his looks really are a deal breaker, end it now. He deserves to find someone who fully appreciates him.

Agreed, they sound unkind and certainly not the type of people that I'd want to be hanging out with!

Throwncrumbs · 05/06/2023 02:24

Really, how shallow that his cock swung it for you !

Mrsmillshorse · 05/06/2023 03:17

There are different kinds of sexual compatability tho. Someone can look good but have 0 spark. Someone can be not your type but unexpectedly end up electric in bed!

I don't think it's shallow to have penis size be a factor. Some women don't like PIV so wouldn't care, some women absolutely do so penis size is a part of sexual compatibility then. I mean even penis shape is a thing, not all big cocks are equal 🤷

Iouisa · 05/06/2023 06:49

Are you sure you're not attracted to him....the fact that you say you can't stop thinking about him possibly suggests otherwise!

nahwhale · 05/06/2023 06:50

Do you think about having sex with him?

FrostyFifi · 05/06/2023 06:53

If you can't stop thinking about him then you're attracted to him though surely? Or do you mean he's not objectively attractive? But if so who cares as long as you're feeling it?
If you genuinely don't feel actually attracted to him though then he's just a friend.

Ohwowza · 05/06/2023 06:55

Reminds me of Married at first sight USA, the first series, one of the couple the wife really, really wasn't attracted to her husband and she nearly said no at the alter.

For a good while she was literally repulsed by him and didn't want him to touch her/be close.

He was such a lovely guy and they were well matched, years and years later they're one of the very few genuine successes and they have kids together now! It took time for the attraction to grow. So it can happen!

BitFat · 05/06/2023 07:10

Attraction is all in the head really. If you’re attracted by his personality and can’t stop thinking about him, it sounds good to me!

StemStem · 05/06/2023 07:46

I’m all about the looks. A personality isn’t going to rock your world on the wedding night.

dudsville · 05/06/2023 07:52

I disagree, personality could really rock one's world on a wedding night. What if he's really romantic, funny, thoughtful and considerate, sharing the same ethics and values, hopes and aspirations? The world isn't one thing or another, but if it this was the package I'd take it.

Chispazo · 05/06/2023 07:53

You can't stop thinking about him??? Do you ever think about having sex? If you do then what your friends think doesn't matter, but if you agree, if he's unattractive and you can't visualise having sex then it's just going to end up hurting both of you if you prolong this connection, and it sounds like you have connected..

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/06/2023 07:56

Napoleon was quite short, but he did okay.

Darby3785 · 05/06/2023 08:02

I'm also wondering if deep down you are attracted to him but you are worried about what others think?

When I met my husband, sparks were flying. We could feel it. My husband was not what I was looking for at all. I fought the attraction for a bit but in the end i lost the fight. I absolutely love my husband to bits. He's my everything. It's not his looks that make me feel that way, it's him, it's what he gives me and our connection. Turns out he is exactly what I was looking for. I do fancy the pants off him and think he's gorgeous but if he was horrible and nasty to me that would soon change.

You need to do what's right for you! Not others, real connections don't come around everyday

Oysterbabe · 05/06/2023 08:06

If you are not attracted to him you will in time start to HATE having sex with him.

Amispringy · 05/06/2023 10:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

OneMoreCookieMonster · 05/06/2023 10:44

taylga · 05/06/2023 01:35

Long story short, I’ve been speaking to this particular guy that I used to work with a lot more recently, and I feel like things could be taken to the next level soon. We get along really well, and he has an amazing personality. He's caring and kind, makes me feel good about myself, but I’m just physically not attracted to him at all. He’s not my normal type, and if I hadn’t worked with him before, I don’t think I would have ever spoken to him outside of work. The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about him, and I'm imagining a future with him. I’ve spoken to a few friends and work colleagues about him, and they all think I’m mad. I try to tell them about his personality, and they normally just laugh at me and don’t take me seriously.

I just wanted some opinions from you all. Can a relationship work if you’re not physically attracted to the other person?

I hope I'm not coming across as a stuck up b! I'm no supermodel either.

What is it physically about him that you're attracted to?

Are you constantly thinking about him because of the atte tion and how he makes you feel?

Personally, I've done it. Been with someone who I wasn't attracted to sexually. He wasn't my type at all. He had a tiny cock and small hands which use to cringe me out plus more attributes im not keen on. I put it to the side, thinking about how lovely his personality was. I didn't want to seem or appear to be superficial. Turns out I am. I couldn't over get over it. Weird thing about him...he was always with beautiful women, I felt like he went beneath himself for me. He was a total asshole in the end. I should have followed my gut. But, when it did end one of my first thoughts was...at least I don't have to be touched by those hands ever again...