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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or overreacting?

125 replies

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 18:51

Usually lovely partner just looked at me and said 'can I say something? You might want to get rid of that before work tomorrow'
I was confused
Turns out it is a tiny black hair near my lip less than half a centimetre.
This sounds daft maybe but we don't say things like that to each other and I was too surprised to reply the million ways I wanted to.
I did say 'can I say something? No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'
I think he's now offended, he said he was only trying to be considerate in case I hadn't noticed.
So AIBU to still be offended and surprised by this? And what should I have said?
Sorry I know it's not the most dramatic AIBU but life's not that exciting all the time.

OP posts:

bellsbuss · 04/06/2023 18:52

I would be glad if that was me

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 18:54

bellsbuss · 04/06/2023 18:52

I would be glad if that was me

Yep me too

pinkdelight · 04/06/2023 18:54

Would you categorically not want to know about it because you're chill with it? If so then you're not overreacting and he should know your stance on such matters. But if you are more likely to get rid of it and not be chill with it, then I can see why he mentioned it. So it comes down to whether he felt he was genuinely helping or whether he's being an asshole letting you know it's an issue for him.

TidyDancer · 04/06/2023 18:55

Yeah you've overreacted. Just apologise and move on. All over and done with.

Azandme · 04/06/2023 18:56

I'd rather he told me than have my colleagues see it.

Aprilx · 04/06/2023 18:56

I think it is a fairly normal thing to say to a partner. I might suggest to DH that he needs a shave or his hair is sticking up or whatever. Also if a black hair on my face was that noticeable to another person, I probably wouldn’t mind being told.

GoodChat · 04/06/2023 18:56

Would you not tell him if he ate an egg sandwich before work and got some yolk stuck in his beard?

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 04/06/2023 18:56

He should be able to be honest with you. And you should be able to see it was said with good intent.
Personally I wish dh had told me I was getting fat 2 stone ago....
Would you prefer people sniggering at you?

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 18:57

He'd probably be unsure about if he should mention it or not. Maybe just let him know you dgaf about your facial hair

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/06/2023 18:57

I tell DH all the time if he has a spot or if he's missed a bit shaving or whatever. I know he wouldn't want to not know if you know what I mean!

IAmAnIdiot123 · 04/06/2023 18:58

I'd be annoyed if dp didn't tell me and let me go to work with it.

Cheeseandlobster · 04/06/2023 18:59

Come on. He was trying to help. Why make such a huge issue about absolutely nothing. He was considered in how he raised it too. Yabvu

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 04/06/2023 19:00

Total over reaction! I saw a massive nose hair I hadn’t noticed and was sad my husband hadn’t told me 😆!!

Original poster

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:00

Yeah I'd tell him about egg because it's not part of his body. I don't comment on anyone's face or body at all and he's never commented to me either.
I'm totally fine with it, I couldn't see it without my torch and yes I'll be leaving it 100%. I work with a variety of women of all ages it's not something relevant at work at all.
I won't apologise as I mean it, no comments on facial/ body hair are needed to anyone or by anyone. But I won't mention it again to him.

OP posts:

PuffinsRocks · 04/06/2023 19:01

YABU. He cares enough to stop you embarrassing yourself. Would you rather your colleagues saw it? You're probably just overreacting because you're embarrassed that you didn't notice it first.

Original poster

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:02

Cheeseandlobster · 04/06/2023 18:59

Come on. He was trying to help. Why make such a huge issue about absolutely nothing. He was considered in how he raised it too. Yabvu

With respect I don't think replying calmly is making a huge issue out of it lol. I merely said 'opinion not needed or wanted' but in a politer way

OP posts:

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 04/06/2023 19:02

A stray hair isn't actually part of your body unless you intend to grow a beard op?

PuffinsRocks · 04/06/2023 19:02

X post. I still think YABU and he was trying to help.

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 19:02

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:00

I tell my husband when he could do with a shave

Original poster

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:03

PuffinsRocks · 04/06/2023 19:01

YABU. He cares enough to stop you embarrassing yourself. Would you rather your colleagues saw it? You're probably just overreacting because you're embarrassed that you didn't notice it first.

No, I'm genuinely not embarrassed it's not a long noticeable mane it's literally less than half a cm and I think it's been there a while. It's face fuzz but one a bit darker
I've tried to get a pic, camera not picking it up

OP posts:

PuffinsRocks · 04/06/2023 19:04

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:02

With respect I don't think replying calmly is making a huge issue out of it lol. I merely said 'opinion not needed or wanted' but in a politer way

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It actually reads like you have serious communication issues in your relationship and that there's an awful lot you don't say and don't want to hear for fear of giving offence/being offended.
I couldn't live like that with a life partner.

Original poster

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:04

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 04/06/2023 19:02

A stray hair isn't actually part of your body unless you intend to grow a beard op?

It's growing from my body so I'm guessing it's part of it

OP posts:

PartyFarty · 04/06/2023 19:05

I think its how it was said - you might want to get rid of that - as though it's something no one else should see. It is just a hair, and I'm sure you'd have noticed it soon enough anyway and if you were bothered by it, then you'd remove it 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:05

@PuffinsRocks gosh, that's a lot from two sentences no, we're just nice to each other and don't tend to have much bad to say.

OP posts:

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 19:05

Why start a thread asking if you're overreacting, when you've already made up your mind you're not? Sorry I just don't understand

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