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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or overreacting?

125 replies

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 18:51

Usually lovely partner just looked at me and said 'can I say something? You might want to get rid of that before work tomorrow'
I was confused
Turns out it is a tiny black hair near my lip less than half a centimetre.
This sounds daft maybe but we don't say things like that to each other and I was too surprised to reply the million ways I wanted to.
I did say 'can I say something? No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'
I think he's now offended, he said he was only trying to be considerate in case I hadn't noticed.
So AIBU to still be offended and surprised by this? And what should I have said?
Sorry I know it's not the most dramatic AIBU but life's not that exciting all the time.

OP posts:
HelloThereChatGBT · 04/06/2023 19:55

YANBU OP.

Men telling me what hair I need to remove from my body can get tae fook.

You weren’t offended, you replied well, I say brava! He may have been well-intended, now he knows your hair is your call so all good.

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:55

I think I just must be wired differently to the people posting here.
I love my partners beard, really love it and if he shaved it I'd be gutted but I wouldn't say that because it's his face and It shouldn't matter what I think. But I can see many here feel differently and that's fine, each to their own!
Now I have to keep this hair whether I want to or not since I've thought about it this much Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:56

HelloThereChatGBT · 04/06/2023 19:55

YANBU OP.

Men telling me what hair I need to remove from my body can get tae fook.

You weren’t offended, you replied well, I say brava! He may have been well-intended, now he knows your hair is your call so all good.

Thankyou, i appreciate that!

OP posts:
hotinthesun · 04/06/2023 20:03

okay 1) he had to ask you if he can tell you something hes`s a man your partner he should be able to talk to you without asking .
2 ) He said nothing wrong .
3) You sound like bloody hard work .
4) get a grip and grow up .

KStockHERO · 04/06/2023 20:03

Jeez, OP, I think you'd actually have heart failure if you heard the way me and DP comment on each other's appearance!

I mean, you two do you two but the idea that you can't comment at all on each other's appearance is really bizarre to me. He's your DP, not some random bloke on a bus.

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 20:15

KStockHERO · 04/06/2023 20:03

Jeez, OP, I think you'd actually have heart failure if you heard the way me and DP comment on each other's appearance!

I mean, you two do you two but the idea that you can't comment at all on each other's appearance is really bizarre to me. He's your DP, not some random bloke on a bus.

Yeh this is exactly what I don't understand. It's odd that your partner, the person who you're presumably wanting to spend the rest of your life with, can't comment on anything at all, ever.

Thesunnymood · 04/06/2023 20:23

Maybe it's just me then, I just personally don't take it upon myself to point out something on others that's growing

Lucky people don't keep with this considering quite a few serious conditions present with something growing.

Partners can and should be able to talk about bodies of each other as long as it's not nasty. I mean, you enter each other bodies , why not talk about them...

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 20:29

These replies make me quite glad we are how we are with each other, I'd hate to be in a relationship with all the physical comments!
But if it works for you that's great, just not my thing or his usually.
It takes all sorts

OP posts:
BCBird · 04/06/2023 20:37

I have a real.problem.with facial hair and have spent thousands on laser but if I had a stray I would want to know. I think you are overreacting.

GracePalmer33 · 04/06/2023 20:40

Surprised by the comments suggesting that we ought to be embarrassed by a colleague ever catching a glimpse of a facial hair. And one commenter even insinuating that colleagues "sniggering" would be a normal reaction to seeing a hair?? Who on earth do you people work with that can't handle a hair on a woman's face. It's normal. It happens. I certainly would not think anything if I saw a hair on one of my colleagues faces. I do all the time. Because woman are not hairless creatures and don't need to obsessively remove all their hairs if they don't want to.

Womencanlift · 04/06/2023 20:41

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 20:29

These replies make me quite glad we are how we are with each other, I'd hate to be in a relationship with all the physical comments!
But if it works for you that's great, just not my thing or his usually.
It takes all sorts

You are making out that everyone is being nasty to their partners and talk down to them about their appearance

Your AIBU was about a rouge hair, such a mundane thing. Hardly a topic that would register with most people, never mind cause any angst

IMustDoMoreExercise · 04/06/2023 20:54

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 18:54

Yep me too

Show quote history

Me three

ExitChasedByAMemory · 04/06/2023 21:09

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 18:51

Usually lovely partner just looked at me and said 'can I say something? You might want to get rid of that before work tomorrow'
I was confused
Turns out it is a tiny black hair near my lip less than half a centimetre.
This sounds daft maybe but we don't say things like that to each other and I was too surprised to reply the million ways I wanted to.
I did say 'can I say something? No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'
I think he's now offended, he said he was only trying to be considerate in case I hadn't noticed.
So AIBU to still be offended and surprised by this? And what should I have said?
Sorry I know it's not the most dramatic AIBU but life's not that exciting all the time.

He was just trying to be helpful and clearly he could see it. But it’s not the end of the world as it’s not a big deal so it doesn’t matter how long the hair grows or doesn’t grow because you can keep it or remove it as you wish. Your reply to your partner was overly dramatic.

Hopefully you’re no longer still offended and surprised. But as you have asked what you should have said, I would have just ‘That was nice of you to point that out to me. I know you were trying to be considerate but I really am not bothered by these things so no need to bring it up if you see it again. I appreciate the thought though’. But I’m usually polite and considerate when I talk to my DP and he’s also the same. And we don’t comment negatively about each other’s appearance or that of others.

I think communication is important but there is no need to shut something down and be rude and say, 'Can I say something? No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'. It’s a bit odd and confusing. Does a woman have the right to comment or is it just men who aren’t allowed? Your retort was a little uncalled for so hopefully he’s now over the hump.

piedbeauty · 04/06/2023 21:10

I think it all depends on the tone he used. Did he say it in a kind way?

hotinthesun · 04/06/2023 21:11

can he say you look nice in that dress your hair looks good bit of your lipstick is smudged you get where im going with this or your really unwell and he says you dont look well ,
i mean if he can't say that WTF.

mumtroubles · 04/06/2023 21:16

In the last year or so I’ve developed a nice cluster of chin hairs. Fortunately I have a DD who talks to them so I know when they need attention. I wouldn’t be offended if DH pointed it out, I’d rather he said than someone else sat through a meeting transfixed by it. I might think oh god now he also knows I’m turning into Captain Jack Sparrow. DH is also a kind soul so I’d think it must be a belter if he’s moved to comment.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 04/06/2023 21:17

He said it nicely, and to be honest a half-a-centimetre black hair will be noticeable. If you're cool with it that's fine, but I would have wanted someone to tell me so I could pluck it should I choose to.

Also sadly, this is what other people will be thinking but not saying. He's just voiced it.

philautia · 04/06/2023 21:38

Oh my god, how dramatic?! In my house, I've been asked if I'm growing a moustache (I'd prefer blunt and jokey to formal as you received it, but maybe he was worried you would overreact, as you have).

You've been a dick and he's learned now not to be open with you about things like this. You could put it right if you apologise but might be a bit late.

Pigstrotter · 04/06/2023 21:47

I think he was horrified by the hair because he couldn’t even mention the word, & only referred to it as that. This in turn has made you so defensive about the hair, & you are now being unreasonably stubborn by saying you will not remove it. What if he snips it off in the night?

Dacadactyl · 04/06/2023 21:48

YABU and odd.

I'd have been glad too.

Panteranoir · 04/06/2023 21:50

HelloThereChatGBT · 04/06/2023 19:55

YANBU OP.

Men telling me what hair I need to remove from my body can get tae fook.

You weren’t offended, you replied well, I say brava! He may have been well-intended, now he knows your hair is your call so all good.

Yeah this! Can't believe the fucking misogyny on this thread.

Of course you shouldn't be embarrassed about a tiny hair on your face OP!

Your partner was trying to subject you to the male gaze. Well done for not submitting. Women don't have to be the male idea of pretty little hairless things or achieve a certain look. We're just people.

I have a cheek hair I don't bother with. Why should I? My DH has THOUSANDS of cheek hairs. I have one massive wiry eyebrow hair that I do remove because it tickles me. I don't give the tiniest fuck what anyone thinks. It's my face and if they don't like it, that's a them problem.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 04/06/2023 21:51

Nobody to blame but yourself when you are sporting a Billy goat's beard and he says not a word...
2 beards are going to be like velcro I imagine!

KarmaStar · 04/06/2023 22:02

Wow! Precious.

Createausername1970 · 04/06/2023 22:07

OMG. I would love my hubby to point this out. Its usually my son 🤣

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 22:24

Like I said earlier, each to their own Grin
I do love AIBU, full of rage 🤣
If everyone's relationship is working for them then that's the main thing👍🏻
We are great, it actually caught me off guard to have an out of character comment like that, I'm not bothered now; we've had a nice evening.
Twas not mentioned again
Now, I'm off to comb my beard. Goodnight all

OP posts: