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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or overreacting?

125 replies

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 18:51

Usually lovely partner just looked at me and said 'can I say something? You might want to get rid of that before work tomorrow'
I was confused
Turns out it is a tiny black hair near my lip less than half a centimetre.
This sounds daft maybe but we don't say things like that to each other and I was too surprised to reply the million ways I wanted to.
I did say 'can I say something? No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'
I think he's now offended, he said he was only trying to be considerate in case I hadn't noticed.
So AIBU to still be offended and surprised by this? And what should I have said?
Sorry I know it's not the most dramatic AIBU but life's not that exciting all the time.

OP posts:
Gabbies · 04/06/2023 19:22

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 19:05

Why start a thread asking if you're overreacting, when you've already made up your mind you're not? Sorry I just don't understand

I think you over reacted and you should be able to say these things between partners. But as this PP said I don’t think you want opinions as you have already made your mind up

JMSA · 04/06/2023 19:22

Oh, for God sake. Who needs common sense when you've got Mumsnet feminist bingo on the go.

OF COURSE it's better to be told. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. YABU.

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:22

@Amuseaboosh I have practically zero facial or body hair just tho one tiny one apparently Grinand I'm very happy about that as it's no muss no fuss

And yes to pp, I'm certainly not worried about embarrassing myself at work 🤭😂

OP posts:
PinkDaffodil2 · 04/06/2023 19:23

Obviously you were massively over reacting in a weirdly aggressive way (what has him being a man got to do with it?). Unless he knew that you are particularly upset by men including him commenting on your appearance - if he knows that was a big deal / red line for you within the relationship then fair enough with the response. But if that wasn’t something that had been previously established, YABU.
Also it doesn’t really matter how you feel about it - you were still unreasonable in your response unless you had already established a clear boundary about that sort of thing. It’s unreasonable to expect him to magically know that you would be upset by that, and unreasonable to speak to him like you did. There would be much kinder and less offensive ways to tell him about your issues, presuming you have an otherwise healthy relationship.

Haywirecity · 04/06/2023 19:26

it's literally less than half a cm and I think it's been there a while

This is unlikely because It doesnt stay at half a cm for a while. If only that were true.

However it's happy news that you don't mind having black hairs sprouting out of various points of your face because that's your future. Along with very wiry grey ones.

All good stuff. 😪

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:28

Haywirecity · 04/06/2023 19:26

it's literally less than half a cm and I think it's been there a while

This is unlikely because It doesnt stay at half a cm for a while. If only that were true.

However it's happy news that you don't mind having black hairs sprouting out of various points of your face because that's your future. Along with very wiry grey ones.

All good stuff. 😪

No it really is, it's tiny. He pluses odd ones out of his face so maybe it's thing for him. It's not for me though, besides the minute I do that it will probably morph into a full tache Grin

And yes pp, he's aware that I think people commenting on appearance, make or female isn't needed.
Particularly male to female as it happens too much

OP posts:
Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:28

*pulls

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 04/06/2023 19:29

He tried to be delicate and you were pretty rude in return. You could have said 'yes but it doesn't bother me" and asked him politely not to comment again so - yes, you owe him an apology.

Psiaspops · 04/06/2023 19:31

How long have you been together?

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:34

And not to 'split hairs' but my AIBU wasnt 'should I be offended' it was 'AIBU to still be offended'
It should have been surprised or taken aback rather than offended I suppose but to the posters saying I've already decided; that's not what I asked.

And pp, been together a few years

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 04/06/2023 19:35

Yes - yabu

Aprilx · 04/06/2023 19:42

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:34

And not to 'split hairs' but my AIBU wasnt 'should I be offended' it was 'AIBU to still be offended'
It should have been surprised or taken aback rather than offended I suppose but to the posters saying I've already decided; that's not what I asked.

And pp, been together a few years

You have asked should you still be offended, you have overwhelmingly been told that no you shouldn’t be offended, or still offended if that makes a difference. But you are still arguing because, as said, you have already made your mind up.

Haywirecity · 04/06/2023 19:43

He's not just a random man, though, or colleague. He's your partner. It's not like he was rude about it. He was just informing you it was there in case you'd not seen it.

In your op you say you're still offended:
So AIBU to still be offended

But in another post youvsay you're not offended:
Im not personally offended

So who are you offended on behalf of? Just about everyone has said they'd thank him for telling them. So clearly you are unreasonable for being offended on behalf of the world who are not offended.

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:43

There's the brute
(Zoomed in and with flashGrin)

Or overreacting?
OP posts:
GoodChat · 04/06/2023 19:44

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:43

There's the brute
(Zoomed in and with flashGrin)

OP I'm sorry but that's not just one and it's longer than you think!

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:44

@Haywirecity just covered all this, may be a x post

OP posts:
Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:45

It really is one and I had to zoom a lot, I wish I could just post my face 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:45

I'm quite acne scarred you may be seeing that too

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/06/2023 19:47

No man has the right to comment on something like that to anyone'

Can a woman?

What an odd thing to say.

We all have the right to say something we notice.

It can hurt you and bitbother but you cant tell someone they have no right to notice or speak. How bizarre

GoodChat · 04/06/2023 19:48

argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:45

I'm quite acne scarred you may be seeing that too

Oh it looked like a second hair slightly above and to the right but it might be a flash blur!

Anaemiafog · 04/06/2023 19:49

AIBU...yes. No I'm not. Why ask?

changeyerheadworzel · 04/06/2023 19:49

Maybe if 2 more grow you could plait them and wear them with pride on Monday into work.

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:50

🤣yeah I think it's a line or crease I do see what you saw but it's definitely not hairGrin
Sadly age and scarring but guess that's just my face lol

OP posts:
CharlottenBurger · 04/06/2023 19:51

If my husband needs a shave I sometimes say 'I see Captain Birdseye has come ashore'. Last time, he had a shave and say 'Guess what? Captain Birdseye has had a baby! Don't ask me how! Would you like to feel its bottom?'

Original poster
argh1588544 · 04/06/2023 19:51

@changeyerheadworzel ok thinking I might order some biotin and then maybe braids and bows 🤗

OP posts: