CF or me being tight?

[TheSnootiestFox]

Please can you help me decide? I've posted this on relationships but I'm putting it here for traffic! I've actually drafted the final WhatsApp saying how upset I was but given he's been a little star up until now I would welcome a few more opinions.......

I've been seeing someone for a few weeks. All has been great until Friday night when I felt properly sussed out financially. So for example, I was asked if a diamond ring I wear was real. Then, in the past when we've eaten out we've always bought drinks in rounds and taken turns on main courses of around 16 or 17 pounds. Last night I said it was my round, and suggested a different pub which was a bit more expensive just for a change but I was only expecting to have a main course (mine was £23, his £30.). He then proceeds to order 3 courses and extra drinks, the last of which he took 3 mouthfuls of the pint and said he didn't want it and didn't know why he'd ordered it so left it. Obviously I then picked up a bill of over £100 that I hadn't budgeted for. He knows its my son's birthday and my cars MOT and I'm paying for an overnight stay later in the month for us both, and although this is him coming along to help me with something I am funding the whole thing for both of us.

Am I just being tight here and if I invite him out I should be prepared for every eventuality 😆 or was that a bit cheeky?

Re the ring, was he trying to work out if an ex had bought it for you? I don’t think I know any women who wear expensive stoned rings unless they are engagement rings. It’s something which is one-in-a-lifetime for most people. That’s why I think he asked when you got it…

But could you resist your people-pleasing tendencies enough to do it? Or are you reading it as a joke, not something actually to think about doing?

My DH and I would do this on a trip away. We both like to be careful with money. Not stingy, but not careless. It could become difficult later if you have very different attitudes to spending.

Thank you all, and yes it is my engagement ring he was asking about 😉 I'll definitely move our jolly to the travelogue and suggest he buys dinner!

You think he’s really lovely - but he has just shown you he might not be as lovely as you think … just proceed with caution and make sure that ring of your doesn’t disappear !

Maybe he was checking your ring as he’s secretly bought you some blinga ching ching to go with it!! 💍😉😂

Yes, see where he takes you next time or suggest a place with about equal cost to the pub. Then order what you want (get something roughly at same price he spent with you), including drinks. If he mentions that "we take turns with drinks", mention that you figured it had changed since you paid for the last drinks, all of them. Also, watch what he orders and does he say anything about what you order.
That will tell you all you need to know.

Don't break it off until you see what happens on the next date.

As for the ring? Yes, it was rude, but I have had friends and acquaintances ask me such things as "what did that cost?" "Is that real?" "Did you pay full price for that?" and other totally rude questions. Some people just do that but it is something to watch and see if he does it with other things too.

And I repeat, if you take him with you on the night away, tell him in advance that food and drinks are each your own purchase. Not even 50/50 and hopefully there isn't room service or a minibar fridge. Yikes!

NOT a tightwad!!! A tightwad would never want to pay or would always pick the cheapest places to eat when it's their turn to pay.

If anything, you are generous and have a good heart and try and see the best in people.

Go on the next date, let him pay and measure his mettle by how he handles it. Then, take it from there. If he still gives you a feeling of being cased, dump him. If he rises to the occasion, maybe there is hope.

I wouldn't end things over this immediately.

I would however take it into consideration and see what happens next time, when it his turn to pay, and you order two or three courses and extra drinks.

If he is a dick about it, if he swerves 'next time when it is his turn', then you have your answer.

If he laughs and says 'fair enough I did go a bit nuts last time' then he's fine, he just forgot himself that time.

@TheSnootiestFox

At the very least I'd 'friend zone' him for right now.

My dad used to say "Say little, look much" when we needed to 'evaluate' a person or a situation. He told us to just file actions in the back of our minds instead of engaging in a lot of conversation. Rather, watch for trends and actions. Normally who a person is becomes clear with a bit of time. This may be a 'one off' or it may be a 'trend'. Time will tell.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't 'test' his reactions by ordering up a 'feast' or changing to a budget place and judging his reactions. Nothing wrong with that. And from now on you should definitely go 'Dutch'. It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to that.

And it doesn't mean you don't 'talk it out' if you decide you still want to pursue a relationship. Once you've 'said little, looked much' and arrived at your conclusion, then is the time to really talk.

I'm from the other side of the pond and even I knew that it was just a FoS. Just like, "I am so steamed I might blow my top off!". I guess some PP would be wondering how that would happen, what would I do after it happened, and why did I get so steamed that I put my life in danger?
Imagine the horror if someone is about to drop dead from exhaustion! Utter panic!😅🙄😉

That's for the best since this seems to be upsetting you.

I read her posts, and it wasn't exactly rocket science to see she was using a FoS when you read all of her posts. Yes, people are always needing food banks here, there and everywhere. I guess no one should use the phrase "taking the train to nowhere" now since that might trigger someone. ffs🙄

😁🤣😘 thank you xx

If you are insisting on meeting him again then you need rock solid boundaries. Be prepared for him to take the piss. He's copped on to the fact that you just get the wallet out without saying a word whether he meant it or not. Don't ever appear desperate, even the nicest of men will take the piss out of someone who will put up with anything.

This is why the guy you’re dating isn’t concerned about being careful about how much he orders whether it’s your turn or his.

when you say things like this people assume that you have a decent income, reasonable savings and can afford to buy dinner.

Yes, but I see them as two different things. You can't literally be dead to the world, whereas some people genuinely can't afford anything but beans on toast.

So if I was "just" a bit broke and watching the pennies, then that's what I'd say.

But I am autistic and take things very literally

It's absolutely not a saying. I'm having to cut my cloth this month is a saying. I'm having to eat toast this month is not a saying, hence why multiple people took it literally.

This what I was referring to.
Not upset or triggered just that Op has changed tack.

If £50 isn't that much of a big deal why spend the first few replies saying it was?

Tight vs CF was the thread title.
Sounds such fun going out and not being allowed a starter!
Bit of both I'd say 😂

I wonder what they think when someone says, "Livin' on a prayer"?

They don't realize that when someone says they "don't have two cents to rub together" that:

A: Yes, they do have more than two cents.
B: They are not talking about mixing two perfumes (scents)
C: They don't mean they only have two sense (hearing and speech?)

You even talked about the fact that you do have money in the bank, but didn't want it frittered away. But then, I have more than two "cents" to rub together. Speech, sight, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting and common sense.😉

Oh right. So it's OK to be cheeky with other people's money just because they may have it? Wow.......

It absolutely is!

CF and he is testing to see how much he can push his luck

Yes, it's becoming quite obvious that a few love to "kick someone when they are down".

Oh my, now people will actually think the OP is being kicked.

OP--do NOT "kick the dude to the curb" or some PP will call the authorities on you for battery!

I've never heard of "living on toast" as a figure of speech either, only "living on baked beans". Maybe it's a regional thing? Google doesn't seem to recognise it as an idiom though.

I think you should give him another go, just keep your eyes open for any CFery. If he is a CF, you will find out soon enough. If it's just a misunderstanding, you are dumping a good guy for nothing. Besides which, you might as well let him lug all your furniture around for you if he is a CF 😂

Hence why many other posters have used the same expression if you read the thread. On this side of the pond, when someone says, "Guess I'll be eating bologna sandwiches for the rest of the month", only a daft person would think they were only going to eat bologna sandwiches. The rest would know that they were going to have to watch the wallet. Not literally sit there watching their wallet either. ffs.🙄

’Living on thin air’ means I’m a bit skint this month, and ‘driving on prayers’ means having a very empty petrol tank. Neither to be taken literally!