If your abusive parents offered you £70,000 - would you take it?

[Thenamechangey]

You don’t talk to your parents because they were very horribly abusive - physically, mentally and emotionally. You haven’t talked to them for three years because of their behaviour.

They get in touch and offer you £70,000 because they’ve sold a property and want to give you the money.

Would you take it?

I'm glad you took the money, I'm glad you have a lovely fiancé and i'm glad you used the money to buy a house. If it's been nine months and you haven't had any further contact, I'd say you're safe. You're in charge. Put them and the money behind you now. It's done. You can move on.

Have you had any counselling? It sounds like you could do with some help coming to terms with it all.

Yup.

Absolutely not. It will be a stick to beat you with forever.

I turned down £250k from mine.
It would have transformed my financial situation, but I decided I was not for sale. The feeling of managing without them is priceless to me.

Hard to say but I’d see it as them acknowledging /apologising for their shitty actions. Take it, Ignore and move on.

In my view, acceptance of the money places you under an obligation. If you wish to continue to have no contact, then refuse the money.
Consider whether circumstances have changed, though, and whether you wish to resume limited contact. Then I might take the money.
In my Opinion, best not to.

Don't feel bad! £70k won't buy back your childhood but it'll sure help your adulthood! So what if it's guilt money? They owe you xx

I understand why you took it and I understand why you feel the way you do. I know you said it went on a house deposit but has this freed up any funds to perhaps explore some counselling or therapy to help you over this hump? You deserve to feel peace and nothing and nobody should take that from you.

I accepted a smaller sum from an abusive relative a few years ago and it was very healing. I had not a single negative emotion. I never once looked back but I know my siblings felt differently and they didn’t get immediate closure. One went through similar emotions to you. It’s not something you can really understand until you’re in that position.

Do take good care of yourself.

I did this - accepted a similar sum as a house deposit (they are millionaires). It was before I went NC which I’m sure some would say is even worse, though it wasn’t calculated. I didn’t expect to ever go NC.

Frankly, anyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to have abusive parents and CPTSD doesn’t get to have an opinion on this. Your parents owed you that money. I’m sure you’d have rather had decent parents like the majority of people do.

I’m no contact with my parents, I’d have taken it too.
On the strings attached… stop feeling depressed over that! It’s not possible to attach stings (except legally!). The strings are only attached if you don’t cut them. They can’t make you do anything.

Of course. They OWE me!