If your abusive parents offered you £70,000 - would you take it?

[Thenamechangey]

You don’t talk to your parents because they were very horribly abusive - physically, mentally and emotionally. You haven’t talked to them for three years because of their behaviour.

They get in touch and offer you £70,000 because they’ve sold a property and want to give you the money.

Would you take it?

Makes sense. The question was vague so I guess I agree it depends.

Transferring into my bank account with no expectations = 🤑🤑🤑 for me

Versus

Long time dealing with inheritance and them wanting regular contact (before and after getting the money) = 🤑 but also 😒🖕

Thank you for the responses, so many of them spell out what I think.

I took the money. After weeks of consideration I took it.

So far they haven’t been in touch, but I feel deeply depressed about accepting it.

@Travelfan2021 taken as a purely hypothetical (without the practicalities) yes I'd be surprised if most people wouldn't take it.

No. I’ve been no contact with my mum for 8 years now. I know damn well there would be an ulterior motive And that’s coming from myself who is really struggling financially at the moment.
it would come back and bite me in the ass somehow.

I am NC with my dad, not for the same reasons. I would have taken the money! Enjoy the money. You don't need to have a relationship with them and start having contact but maybe it's the only way to show that they care in some form.

Either way, use to the money and enjoy it. Think of it as a lotto win if it helps.

Yes

Thank you but no.

My father, with whom I am NC, sent me a cheque (for a substantial amount, although not as much as in your scenario). He would have thought I’d never stoop so low as to cash the cheque and then fail to resume contact. But that’s exactly what I did. I felt no guilt or sense of obligation. I really enjoyed spending that money. Some time later, my father arrived uninvited on my doorstep and during the ensuing conversation, he mentioned my taking the money, clearly annoyed. I told him to think of it as shit parent tax. That felt good too. There have been no further negative consequences of taking that money, but I am very firm in my boundaries.

So yes, I’d take the £70,000.

No because it would come with strings attached.

It’s the least they owe you. Why do you feel bad about that?

Absolutely

I'd 100% take it. You deserve it

I took the money. I think I switched off a bit and viewed it as something I could use for myself and my partner. I saw it as being useful, I didn’t have any more contact with my parents. But I now feel like a “sell out”.

Definitely. Compensation. It might not compensate for an abusive childhood but its something

100% I would take it and I'm glad you did OP. I'm also NC with my father and cannot have that man back in my life, but I'm also a struggling single parent and money always helps. That's how I would see it, we deserve it!

My feelings are that they don't owe me that. The owed me a childhood. They owed me some love. They owed me the very most basic care. They gave me none of that. That's what I needed. Not money.

Tough one.I could definitely do with the money but have zero interest of ever having contact again.

If I didn't want the money I would take it, go NC again and donate every penny to a children's charity. But a good one not one of those crap ones filled with pedos and rich CEOs and shit

OP - in my experience; people who are abusive to their kids are extremely self delusional. I imagine that not taking the money wouldn’t have proved anything to them that they couldn’t twist to their own narrative anyway. They’ll probably always think how they want to about themselves, whatever you do.

You’ve taken the money, but you’re under no obligation to spend it. Give some thought to how you might use it to bring you peace. Therapy? Charity? Treating loved ones? Funding a dream?

You have suffered at their hands and deserve peace. They might as well pay for it.

Yep exactly how I think of it.

i’m v v low contact with mine and nowadays they’re giving me money and I’m happily taking it. I do not make any more effort as a result and do not feel bad. Why should I? I don’t owe them a thing and if their intention is to influence me in some way then that’s their problem, not mine. Honestly no amount of money would touch what they put me through during my childhood and adolescence and how it’s affected me in adulthood so I sleep easy taking it. I know what they give me is pennies compared to what they give their nearest and dearest anyway.

Only if there were no strings attached.