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Original poster

Is having children that miserable

123 replies

yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:15

Not ATAAT but noticed lately a lot of people complaining about annoying children and how miserable parenting is.
I have 4 adult children.
What are peoples true thoughts of being a parent.

OP posts:
ChequeredPastel · 03/06/2023 20:17

Sometimes it’s miserable. Sometimes it’s excellent. Like literally all important things in our lives.

W0tnow · 03/06/2023 20:18

Best thing that I ever did. And I have 3 teens and am menopausal.

CupEmpty · 03/06/2023 20:19

I wonder if it trying to parent in this modern world. Incredible pressure, unobtainable ideals of what a parent should be, no village. I follow some parenting accounts on IG and the doctrine they spout is unobtainable, trying to gentle parent and never loose your cool and always emotionally validate. It’s very different parenting from the way I was raised, where my parents just didn’t try as hard/ care as much.

Blueskysunflower · 03/06/2023 20:19

I was miserable without them. I wanted them. I would never give them back. But large parts of having a toddler/preschooler were fairly rubbish and at times during that period I regretted them. I really like having primary school aged children though.

PlantDoctor · 03/06/2023 20:19

ChequeredPastel · 03/06/2023 20:17

Sometimes it’s miserable. Sometimes it’s excellent. Like literally all important things in our lives.

This. I was thinking the other day how it would be nice to have a lazy weekend, but I definitely prefer having my little DD!

CreationNat1on · 03/06/2023 20:20

Love mine and would hate to be childless. Parenting is very rewarding to me, love have other beings who love me and we will be connected for life, they bring me joy and reasons to do many things, they trigger needs that I wouldn't consider in their absence.

Tinybrother · 03/06/2023 20:21

What do you think OP? Do you think parents are feeble whingers or do you think many parents have different experiences, there will be ups and downs, and some parents like to vent when they are having a really shit time of it?

MintJulia · 03/06/2023 20:21

The best thing I've ever done.

I have one ds, and split from his dad, so have raised him on my own. It can be hard work but ds is now good company, can be very very funny and I wouldn't be without him. 😊

Sissynova · 03/06/2023 20:22

No, personally I steer clear of people who only complain about everything, including their kids.
Complaining about holidays with kids, days out, summer holidays, days that are hot, days that are rainy, all the things they feel forced to do with them … I just don’t get it at all. What a miserable existence.
I enjoy spending time as a family.
A lot of people seem to really hate their own children.

Scuttlingherbert · 03/06/2023 20:22

I'm only 2 years in but I love it. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I wasn't sure if I wanted children and felt it was biology that made me want to.

I think it helped that I had really low expectations so was pleasantly surprised at how good it is. I work full time which I also think helps as I don't have time to get fed up with my child.

When we're apart I spend ages long at photos of her. She is very entertaining and fun. I know a lot of the negatives about being a parent are temporary, like having less time for my hobbies and social life. At some point she'll need me less and I'll pick those things back up.

I do wish I could run without weeing though

Original poster
yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:23

The younger years were hard for me. Then I had 10 years of happiness with them.
Now the problems they're having as adults are putting me back to stress of worrying and wondering if it will ever end.

OP posts:
Schooldinners1 · 03/06/2023 20:23

Blueskysunflower · 03/06/2023 20:19

I was miserable without them. I wanted them. I would never give them back. But large parts of having a toddler/preschooler were fairly rubbish and at times during that period I regretted them. I really like having primary school aged children though.

I would say the same. Love my kids now they talk and are fun. I was so depressed and struggled through the first year and probably two.

After 3 is where the fun really begins I think.

Dacadactyl · 03/06/2023 20:23

Tbh I was pleasantly surprised when I had kids because I had literally ZERO expectations of it and didn't think it was going to be some sort of great life affirming experience.

I thought "fuck, I'm pregnant, I'm 21 and in no way ready for this" and then (if I say so myself) did a good job of it.

Think it must be harder if you think "right, my life's all sorted and now kids are gonna be the absolute cherry on the top".

I went in thinking "oh shit" and have come out enjoying it for the most part. Although, our 2nd child has been harder to raise because he is similar to me and there's a personality clash there, but both of them are great kids really.

tigger1001 · 03/06/2023 20:24

I love being a parent but I also acknowledge that it does have its really hard moments.

Sometimeswinning · 03/06/2023 20:24

I'd have had more if I could! 3 children all different but all the same laid back, kind attitude. It seems on mumsnet you're not allowed to say this! Apparently its far more honest to moan about it! 😂

DarkWingDuck · 03/06/2023 20:25

For me, I hated being a mother for the for the first few years. Now I love it. My DS brings something very special to life that Is quite indescribable and something I could never have understood before I had children, and something I would find hard to articulate now. I wouldn’t change it for the world but it if I hadn’t have had him, I don’t think I would miss it.

Timesawastin · 03/06/2023 20:25

yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:15

Not ATAAT but noticed lately a lot of people complaining about annoying children and how miserable parenting is.
I have 4 adult children.
What are peoples true thoughts of being a parent.

It can be. Your experience is not everyone's experience. HTH.

bloodywhitecat · 03/06/2023 20:25

It's hard at times but I love being a parent. Mine are fully grown now so I foster instead which is a whole different 'hard at times' but comes with huge rewards.

Tinybrother · 03/06/2023 20:25

yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:23

The younger years were hard for me. Then I had 10 years of happiness with them.
Now the problems they're having as adults are putting me back to stress of worrying and wondering if it will ever end.

Mine are just coming out of the harder younger years. I feel for you, their problems are so much out of your control when they are older.

SpringOn · 03/06/2023 20:25

I adore having kids. Two teens and an under 10. Absolutely love it. Was very hard work when they were younger. In a sweet spot now. But I love it all. Even the washing!

Best thing I have ever done.

Schooldinners1 · 03/06/2023 20:25

yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:23

The younger years were hard for me. Then I had 10 years of happiness with them.
Now the problems they're having as adults are putting me back to stress of worrying and wondering if it will ever end.

I’m going to tell myself that they have to learn from their own mistakes to save myself from the drama as much as possible! 😂

gemloving · 03/06/2023 20:25

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, pregnant with number 3. It can be tough but my life is everything but miserable. These little humans have made me the happiest person and continue to do so. I love us as a family, so no - nothing miserable over here xx

Original poster
yetanothernamechange2018 · 03/06/2023 20:26

My kids are in their 30's. I wonder if it will ever end.

OP posts:
laceydoily · 03/06/2023 20:26

No. I'm not denying it wasnt hard and tiring at times but its also one of the best things Ive ever done and I dont regret it.

I do think there is a bit of a "grass is greener" trap that people fall into in imagining a sliding doors moment where they fantasise that if they had made x or y decision instead, their life would be this perfect, rosy blissful existence and thats not true. Life is hard, no matter what decisions you make and there is no guarantee that if you had chosen another path it would have been wonderful. The problem with this kind of thinking is that you are comparing a perfect, imaginary life that doesnt actually exist, and comparing it to your current life. If you HAD chosen that path, chances are the life you are living now would turn into a perfect imaginary scenario and it goes on and on. I am not saying that some decisions dont cause us unhappiness but its rather naive to imagine that if you hadnt had kids your life would be movie perfect and blissful because you really dont know that at all.

Sunshineclouds11 · 03/06/2023 20:27

It's the hardest thing I've done, but the most rewarding!