Is having children that miserable

[yetanothernamechange2018]

Not ATAAT but noticed lately a lot of people complaining about annoying children and how miserable parenting is.
I have 4 adult children.
What are peoples true thoughts of being a parent.

It's truly great. But just as someone upthread said, it has good and times, just like every other part of life. Partner/work/parents/friends/siblings. Nothing is ever 100% sunshine.

The childfree people posting on here are the sort who give childfree posters a bad name. What on earth in the OP makes you think your input is valuable here? The OP asked for the opinion of parents. You are not parents.

i dont have kids to moan about childfree almost 40 by choice but im sure some parents have them off days .
TBH i think some parents have regrets some dont some love it some hate it me myself im just not that mum type .
i am a auntie of 7 thats as far as it goes as i find kids to loud and want to much the tantrums the teen dramas ive seen it all with my siblings children .
i much rather have a tea and a good book .

Both, it was miserable this morning as I've got a sickness bug and ds decided that it's the perfect day to just not listen AT.ALL. However, this evening has been wonderful, he snuggled with me on the sofa to watch some TV before bed, he asked if both dh and I can do bedtime, so we all got in "the big bed" and dh and I read 4 bedtime stories between us to him and he settled in to sleep. It was lovely 🥰

I cannot believe that I have been blessed with two of the most kind, caring, loving, funny, clever, beautiful children.

Equally, there are days when I cannot believe that this is my lot in life. Morning after morning of them taking their own sweet time whilst I'm rushing around like a prick for the school run. Repeating myself until I finally lose my shit and raise my voice. The constant bickering. thankless task after thankless task for the family.

It's swings and roundabouts.

I wouldn't be without them, and I would chose them over everything and everyone. BUT also, there are times when I imagine how wonderful it might be to be child free (by choice)

It's good to vent. As long as people aren't being absolutely vile about their children, and there's a good mix of positives being said, it's healthy.

To be fair when I talk to my childless friends I don't wax lyrical about being a parent because I know they aren't into that kind of thing. I pretty much avoid talking about them. I'd never bang on about how much fun they are and how much I love having teenagers, that having a gossip with dd after work/school every day is often the highlight of my day, or how proud I am that my 16yo who has asd and adhd is fluent in 3 languages and absolutely killing it with school and friends. They had no interest in having their own kids so I avoid anything but a quick 'haha, they're teenagers, you know how it is!' I'm more likely to talk about my dogs than my kids because that is their level.

Everything is more difficult with children. Literally everything. Want to go visit a friend? More difficult. Want to go for a drive? More difficult? Want to watch TV quietly by yourself? More difficult. Need to have a poo? More difficult. Need to go to work? More difficult. Need to tidy up? More difficult. Need to catch up on some sleep? More difficult.
Everything you can possibly imagine wanting or needing to do is more difficult when you have children. Not impossible and some things are more difficult than others but I can't think of a single thing that is easier now than before I had children.
Also, despite this being pretty universal, different people experience different difficulty levels for different things which leads to constant comparisons which inevitably make you feel inferior when you feel like you are the only one struggling with this whilst everyone else seems to be coping with it just fine.
And that can all feel incredibly frustrating sometimes and as a result make you feel more miserable with children than you felt before them.

That doesn't mean having children is actually that miserable. It is just bloody hard and it's perfectly okay to acknowledge that sometimes and not feel overwhelmingly joyful every second of every day.

I think you can love your children without loving everything about the parenting lifestyle

I have a toddler, a good old fashioned miracle baby who arrived after many years of trying (and several rounds of failed IVF). She was (and remains) the most wanted things in our lives. I love the very bones of my kid, there is NOTHING I wouldn’t do for her but FVCK ME she is also the hardest, most challenging addition to our lives!

She eclipses the joy we thought we might possibly gain, but also stretches us to the end of our tolerance. Perhaps we’re crap parents or perhaps she’s a bit challenging, maybe both, but what having her has taught me is that you can only parent the child you have (and the poor kid can only have us!)

at the other end of the spectrum, I’m one of 5 kids, and I know we were challenging children like I’m experiencing. My mum still says the hardest parts were our teens-30s where we were poor communicators, would get very drunk at times (ooops!) and she was too far away to support.

also, really sorry, haven’t read the whole thread. Now really hoping I’m not totally out of kilter with the thread direction!

3 kids under 2 and a teenager and love it all. But im lucky hubby is hard working and supportive with all. I think maybe the pressures of the world now make it very hard, the expectations or supposed expectations

I wonder the same.
I honestly think the only peace I'll get is when I'm in my coffin.

I love it. I haven't found the early years hard at all. My toddler never really tantrums, says hilarious things, sleeps well - I'm mostly just nervous it will go horribly wrong in the future.

I wasn't sure if I wanted kids but I am happier with my dc. Maybe because I'm older and "lived" already, and don't feel like my friends are doing anything I'd rather be doing. I'm still mostly doing the same hobbies.

I am a sahm and love it. Don't miss work at all.

I know a few other people like me who love it. I know more who complain about it all the time, but they have different children, different partners, different financial situations. It's like anything isn't it. Is working miserable? Is marriage miserable? Yes for some, no for others.

Most people don't go online to say how great their lives are so of course you read the hard stories.

It depends on the child. Some children are lovely (gentle, calm, reasonable, happy, quick to laugh, interested in stuff, etc). Others are a mix. They have their good days and their bad. Some children, however, are a nightmare. There’s no getting round it. And it’s largely down to genetics. Think how often you read posts on here that go something like this: “my teenage daughter is horrible. She’s rude, selfish, lazy and entitled. No one in my family can stand her. God, she’s turning into her father. That’s exactly what he was like - no empathy, totally narcissistic. I have two other kids, a boy and a girl, and they’re nothing like that. They have their bad days, but they’re basically good kids - kind, polite, hard-working. I just don’t know where we went wrong.”

Truth is, you never know what you’re going to get. Just think how amazingly different the kids are in a big family. You can make a difference of course (lots of love and hugs, teaching them good morals, and so on), but genetics have the final say.

I really love all of mine to their bones but being a parent has not been good for me, it's had a negative impact on my physical and mental health to a considerable degree.
I wouldn't choose to have children if I had my time again, but I only know that due to hindsight.

Definitely relentless and anxiety-inducing. I love my kids but am just so tired! I've had two hopeless exes as well , which doesn't help. I'm a 'deeply competent' person which means that I seem to absorb a lot from everyone else in terms of 'making things right' for my DC. Mine are now teens, plus one in early 20s (who has definitely flown the nest though keeps in contact and often wants my undivided attention or for me to go up to uni to be part of something he is doing). I genuinely look at other people caring for young kids and shudder inside at the relentlessness of it and feel thankful that I'm past that time.
I love them but constantly worry that everything will be ok for them and seem to expend a lot of time, energy and though in trying to think forward and make things right for them - but I haven't found joy in doing it tbh.

I agree OP, parenting seems a lot harder now in general. There's an objective standard (or several of them) and just doing your best and what you think is right doesn't seem to be enough.

Then there's all the worries of climate change/AI/pandemics etc and I worry about what sort of world they will have when they are my age 🙁

I feel exactly the same since my kids became teenagers!

My daughter is the light of my life, and was during a very bad time at work that obliterated my mental health, the only reason I limped on through it.

There is nobody I will ever be prouder of, or love more, than her.

But my god she talks like she breathes through her ears and it can drive me mad 😅

My teenagers are polite and well behaved.

However, since they've got to the age that they do things on their own with friends, my anxiety has gone through the roof. I worry about them so much!

I don't want them to know this and I don't want to stop them enjoying themselves with friends.

I appreciate it's my issue and not theirs!

However, if I'd known I'd feel quite so anxious all the time, realistically I'd have thought much harder about whether having kids was the right thing for me.

Mine are 10 and 6. I enjoy them very much…now.

I didn’t cope well with baby and toddlerhood. I’m quite selfish by nature and don’t like having to give so much to someone else for what was essentially quite a small reward.

But it’s SO much easier now they’re more independent, they have little quirks and personalities and family days out are for everyone not just them.

But should I have my time again - I wouldn’t have children.

My child was such hard work as a toddler, he didn't sleep properly for around 8 years. The toddler behavior I found hideous at times. As a teen..he's lazy but an absolute beautiful boy....he still doesn't sleep late!

I adore my two - baby and toddler under two and just want to freeze time 0-18 I think. I can see it going so so fast and I hate it. I look forward to nights because I just get to hold hold hold my tiny one.

I had DD in my very early teens (at 15)- she is 13 now and I'm in my very late 20's (29). Life was difficult for both of us and what made it tougher was that she is "high functioning Autistic" but with significant anxiety. We have our ups and downs. But I cannot imagine my life without her in it. She has taught me so much and I don't think I would be the person I am today if it wasn't for her. I work as a Band 7 Occupational Therapist in the NHS. I would not have become an OT if it wasn't what for DD.