Is having children that miserable

[yetanothernamechange2018]

Not ATAAT but noticed lately a lot of people complaining about annoying children and how miserable parenting is.
I have 4 adult children.
What are peoples true thoughts of being a parent.

Mine are only 5 and 2, so I'm only really at the start of the road, but I find it astonishingly good. I am very aware that I think I probably having the best years of my life right now. I never, ever say this to anyone in real life because I know what a smug twat I'd sound but parenthood has fulfilled me and made me content in a way I didn't know I could be. I'm not saying I haven't had hard patches - they both went through a period where sleep was a real issue - but having them is the decision in my whole life that I feel most totally sure was the correct one.

Mine are fine, other people's not so much..

@thebigbattle I found parent my children as babies and toddlers easy. Some challenges through school years.
Loved them as teenagers.
As adults when I can't protect them any more I've found most difficult.
Just wondered after reading a few threads if it was just me or did anyone else find being a parent relentless.
I suppose it is quite relevant to age.

Completely agree with this and think it's very well put!

@Dacadactyl it's my child with financial and mental health problems. I'm the one trying to support.

Easier not to have any. World has enough humans on it already

I adore mine but trying to parent a 4 year old and 1 year old, working full time with very little family support is tough sometimes.

Primary school age for mine and I love it. Yes there are hard parts but I wouldn’t change it. We struggled to conceive so feel so lucky to have children. No denying the lack of sleep when younger nearly killed me but it did end! I love my family, can’t imagine life without them.

I'm 39, have a 15 month old and can honestly say i've never felt happiness like it. Pure joy, pure love, she's turned me into a soppy mess. I never imagined I could feel so happy. The first few months were very hard but still worth every second. I'd love another. I had a full life before her, travelled the world etc...but nothing compares to the happiness she brings me. Althoughhhhhhh....she is sleeping well at the moment which makes everything a million times easier! Touch wood touch wood touch wood

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but having children (mine are now adults) is the one good decision I made. It is the best thing I have ever done, hands down.

Which is not the same as saying it's easy - not least as two of mine have (different) additional needs. But when I had them, everything that had previously mattered just fell away.

And God, toddlers are worth every second of the rubbish bits. Toddlers are the absolute best.

My life is soooooo much better for having DC. Best decision was to breed. That said im too busy with life/work/home/school runs, I alternate by not wishing primary years away and eagerly looking forward to DC getting themselves to school. Im frazzled/over stretched but it’s not forever. Im determined we have the best life we can along the way.

I am very ambitious, push myself hard to earn a great salary for my family, to my own detriment. If I was single, childless I wouldn’t have that drive.

I love it. It's relentless but I've got the best little chums and now I have significantly less free time it's actually given me more focus on how to spend it.

I miss the baby years, well baby DC, I look at photos and swoon

I love it most of the time. I occasionally hate it. It being parenting, I never hate them personally.
I do think it depends on your circumstances. I work full time, have one in primary school and a one year old. Weekdays are hard. 2 drop offs, a full day at work, 2 pick ups, followed by rushing through tea, baths, bed, getting everything ready for the next day. It can feel relentless and overwhelming. But weekends are generally very enjoyable because of my kids. We've had a lovely chilled day today and I couldn't be happier. I know that it won't always be this full on and stressful.
My grandmother was married at 17, had her first child and 18 and never worked a day from then. She has openly said how much easier it was for her, not worrying about childcare and juggling all of that. I personally wouldn't want to stay at home all day and would find that very difficult. It's easy to compare and feel the grass is greener but often that's just not the case.

You’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.

If your children are naturally relaxed, easy going, confident, resilient etc then your life will be easier than someone whose child/ren are anxious, highly strung, neurodivergent, etc. Having children also triggers past memories, good and bad, and a parent’s own traumas are interwoven with their child’s character / personality / behaviour. What one parent would find stressful, a different parent would not bat an eyelid.

So many parents of “easy” kids think badly of those who struggle because their kids struggle. Or they simply take it for granted that they can do “normal” family things like trips, holidays, school plays, theme parks, movie nights, sports days, school residentials…. It’s heartbreaking when you cannot do things that other families find so easy and fun.

I say this all as a devoted mum of two neurodivergent, bright, lovely boys each with various disabilities (and contradictory needs) that make life hard for all of us a lot of the time.

Probably true. Because one thing that having children tells you is that however much you love your partner, he is completely dispensable compared to your children.

My parents have been happily married for over 50 years and get on brilliantly, laugh all the time etc - but if my mum had ever had to choose between us and our dad, she'd have chosen us a million times over.

I'm surprised that none of your friends has anything positive to say about having children, though. Maybe they're just being polite.

@yetanothernamechange2018 I've found adult children harder than younger ones, too.

I love it in the main, especially now they are teens. But enjoyed most ages. Was relentless when little especially as we never had any help.

I could have written that myself, I too have 3 teens and am menopausal. I have loved parenting ( even the tough stuff). Am now starting to look forward to a new life when they have flown the nest.

My DD is a baby so I don’t know if I’m qualified to comment but the last few months with her have been the best of my life.

She’s an IVF baby and extremely precious to me.

I have 1 DD, have parented alone for pretty much the whole time due to DH working abroad, then leaving !
DD was never a very good sleeper and being on my own meant it was just easier to co sleep (and the only way I actually got any sleep!)…. But I’d happily turn back the clock and do it ALL again!!
I have pretty much loved every minute of it… I now have a beautiful funny 12 year old who I love more than life itself!! I’d never change a single thing!

I think in some ways it was easier in the past because having children was what was expected and so women just got on with it because that was life. But now, it definitely is more of a choice to have them, and so when people have them and find it rough, it hits harder and they can have more regrets because they know there was another option. Plus there are a lot more expectations on women in general these days. Whereas men just carry on being men.

I have one child and a second one on the way. Not miserable at all, really happy to be adding a 4th person to our family!

I bloody love being a mum to my three and two are teenagers. I've never done anything as good in my life (other than meeting and marrying their dad). I've never found it hard (past the first born newborn stage when we were fucking clueless and she did nothing but scream the house down wanting held 24/7) and am still loving every minute.

Its incredible, scary and rewarding in equal measure.

I want to add that DS1 was an extremely high maintenance (aka miserable) baby and toddler, and primary school was awful for him (undiagnosed Autism and a crap uncaring school)…. but he is now nearly 14 and he is just the absolute best! I am finding him so awesome, great company, we have really close, fun and affectionate relationship, he tells me everything and confides in me, he laughs at my jokes, he still gives his dad a daily bear hug… I always worried about what his teen years would be like based on the traumatic and frankly miserable early years, and I needn’t have worried at all!