To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

I'd be annoyed. It's irritating when your partner doesn't listen.

Then tells you it's minor and you shouldn't be bothered

YABU seeing as you asked.
One nice thing about having someone special in your life is a person who remembers the little things that are important to you.
Set him free you are clearly hold different values.

Ps. You sound like the critical one (gaslighting)

To all the posters on the thread who are being so gentle with their ineffectiveness:
I am also a much more of a go-with-the-flow person, while my BF is pretty uptight and unforgiving.

Why don't you give yourself a big pat on the back for being such an easy person, I'd think you lazy, incompetent and incapable of following instructions but, we're all different.

Yours,
Fed up with your lack of thought, having to keep everything in my head and backstop you all the time.

Puts a different slant on it somewhat.

I agree with the posters suggesting that you end this, OP. Your first move wasn't to zip out for a two minute walk to get what you'd forgotten, it was to write a woe-is-me post on Mumsnet...

"Incompetent" and "lazy" for buying someone's second favourite yogurt rather than their first favourite yogurt 🤪

I agree with other pps, not getting what he asked for when it was just 2 easy things, probably communicates to him that you don't really care about him or aren't really listening to him - both things that would annoy me too. Also, maybe this is the first time you 'forgot' to get what he asked for, but are there other similar instances where you have communicated through your actions that you don't really think his wants or needs are very important?

I'll add 'unable to comprehend really simple requests' to the list.

I don't understand, in what way is she gaslighting?

I really cant understand how in 2 minutes it takes to get to the shop you entirely forgot 2 things your partner asked for. And then tell him to have something else entirely instead of apologising (I would have gone back to the shop tbh). Seems to me you don't care about him at all.

I do think though, OP, that if you think this is an example of why your husband is not the right man for you, then end the marriage. He obviously seriously gets on your nerves and the love is gone.

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here. The part where he said he can't say no to you is the bigger issue here, that's the part he's highlighted as a pattern of behaviour not the forgetting the blueberries. Are you generally not used to compromising?

I just don't feel there's any need to be so critical of what is just human error.

to me this isn’t human error though, he asked for 2 things at a shop 2 minutes away and you got them both wrong? To me it’s about you not giving an actual shit about what he wanted, it shows quite a severe lack of thought and consideration.

sorry op I’m with your oh on this one.

I'm afraid I think YABU.
I think that you're seeing this as one event in isolation, when your husband clearly thinks this is the kind of behaviour you must do often. I think to not get either thing he wanted, and to say its not a big deal he can get it himself, just shows a general lack of care or interest in what he wants. I get it's only yoghurt and blueberries NOW, but to come home with neither thing and then tell someone they're overreacting is a bit much. It would annoy me too, like you're husband. Sorry!

Yeah he sounds like a spoiled, ungrateful child.

But maybe there’s more at play, as others have said. Perhaps he feels as though you’re too controlling and this is just a symptom of that.

Be careful. The fact you are getting critised, you’re treading on eggs shells can just be factors and red flags for things getting worse and him being psychologically and emotionally abusive. These are things my ex would do and my relationship was domestic abuse. They don’t do things overnight some wait for marriage/moving in/financial reliance.
Please be careful. It’s likely to only get worse if you have children because the attention won’t be on him.

@CurlyQueues
In the sense that you set up a scenario to cause disappointment and point the finger of blame at the other party for expressing disappointment and then go on to suggest that they are out of touch.

I think your DH was allowed to be a bit miffed tbh.

Yes this is what I think

Yeah.

If I'd completely got it wrong, I'd be heading back to the shop - not because he would tell me to, but because I would want to make it right. And my shop is a lot further than 2 minutes away!

Haha I was just thinking that - if a DH had royally fucked up the shopping he'd be accused of weaponised incompetence, no longer in love with the DW and obviously having an affair with the shopkeeper

Oh my god just have sex and writhe around in the unwanted vat of yoghurt.

Couldn't be bothered to read it all OP sorry. From your initial post yes , ffs buy what he asks for. I'd just call and say "hey they don't have A would you like B?"

My DH is scatty. I can send him for 3 things and if I don't text him the list at least one will be missing and possibly one wrong. It's not that he doesn't care or doesn't consider me. He went for them for me in the first place. Its just that sometimes he gets distracted by something else, or he goes on autopilot. If I sulked everytime he forgot something I'd always be sulking. It's just a mistake, and who he is.

I think the boyfriend is right at this point. You sounds selfish and inconsiderate. Yes.

I know what it is to walk on eggshells and I just can't believe that you are. If you were you would have been anxious about getting it wrong in the shop or at least running back to make it right.