To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

As your personalities are so different, i don't think you are suited anyway.

The things OP with stuff like this is that it's never about the actual thing which was forgotten.

It's about an impression that is given that the person can't bring themselves to complete very simple tasks at the request of a loved one. As a one off it doesn't matter at all whether he had blueberries or strawberries.

But I strongly suspect this is a pattern of behaviour in which you are a bit flaky about stuff like this as a habit and then shrug it off saying it "doesn't matter". When it obviously does matter to him. To you it isn't important and in the scheme of things it's not hugely important but the impression it leaves him with is that you couldn't prioritise thinking about his requests over listening to your audiobook or daydreaming or whatever. It just leaves the impression that his needs are constantly secondary.

I don't think it justifies him being shitty with you and I think sulking over a couple of misplaced items is childish. But he no doubt thinks it was a very simple task, he gave you the option of letting him join you (which would have guaranteed the mistake not being made) and you said no. I can understand him feeling that you just couldn't be arsed to think about what he wanted.

It's a bit like when people are routinely late or never respond to messages etc. The person doing it will always say "I forgot, it was a mistake, it's no biggie". But if you know you have a tendency to do this and you know it irritates people you love, it's kind of on you to be strict with yourself and not let it happen just because you CBA to worry about it.

It does sound like you're not suited to each other.
I'd get annoyed with DH if he did this as it's just thoughtlessness. In fact DH DOES do this sort of thing a lot and it drives me nuts. He just "doesn't do details" but actually he's just being a knob. And I tell him so!

She was mainly going for milk. She got the milk and some type of yoghurt that he has been known to eat. Big whoop: she forgot 1 thing, which is easily done without a list. If he’s that bothered, he can go to shop himself, not sulk like a toddler!

@Peachy2005

Really?

It's easy to forget 1 thing of 3 2 minutes after leaving the house?

To be fair the OP said the day was ruined because of her mood now. She feels sad because her partner called her out on being thoughtless and that's ruined her day. She didn't say thay her partner would ruin the whole day.

I like to think I wouldn't sulk all day but I'd certainly be pissed off at someone who put me off going to the shops with them because my presence would interrupt them finishing their audio book on a 2 minute walk, and then returned with neither of the things I asked for, yet seemed to expect a thanks nonetheless.

The fact you think it's no biggie and he should just get over it suggests to me there probably IS a pattern of behaviour here and that you don't sound very compatible.

No you come across as an “I can’t be arsed” person from your post, sorry! My sister pulls this forgetful/just going with the flow shit all the time & she thinks she’s cool to boot but actually it’s just put people off visiting her because she “forgets” to buy the ingredients she needs for lunch, (after she’s invited people over for lunch.) She might come along in the get together that I’m waiting for numbers for so I can go book a table……or she might not. She forgets to buy family members presents or a card on their birthdays but will be right there on time if something is organised for her and accepts all gifts given.

I’ve begun to realise that everyone else in her life (including her lovely DP) is an afterthought and I’ve distanced myself a bit from her as a result along with some others in the family who can see through it.

He wanted to go to the shop, OP didn't want him to and he has expressed the view that she makes it impossible to insist. Only OP knows if that's true. So either he's telling her something important or he's making a fuss over blueberries.

If he finds it impossible to say no to you and you expect him to say thank you when you got the order wrong, are you really such a go with the flow person as you think you are? Telling him you want to go alone and not going back to the shops to right your mistake are not signs of go with the flow. They are signs of a person, who wants to do what they want to do.

I agree with this. If I cocked up like the OP did and the shop really is only 2 mins away I would have said shit, sorry and ran out and gotten the things he asked. I would expect the same of him(and he would do the same). Instead you minimised it, thought nothing of it, expected a thank you for not getting the things he wanted and have a you know where the shop is attitude. It's clear you were being thoughtless, i think that's why you are so upset by it because you know that it is true.

He might be an arsehole but on the basis of this one story, I sympathise with him. He was going to go himself (if you want a job done, do it yourself?) and then you got back with no blueberries and the wrong yoghurt and you note that he didn't say thank you

For context, if my son or daughter went to the shop to get me two things and didn't manage to tick off either, I wouldn't say ''thank you''.

If it’s only two minutes away and I hadn’t got either of the two things my husband asked for, I’d probably go back to the shop and get them if this was me.

Firstly I find it absurd he even contemplated going with you to the cor er shop which to me implies you are probably generally incompetent if left to your own devices.

You got the second preference Yoghurt and forgot the fruit. You were only asked to pick up two things.

You sound thoughtless, incompetent and a lazy - the minute you realised you should have gone straight back to the shop.

I feel for your partner.

Did you get anything else for yourself? Or just the milk?

He's your 'DH' but you talk about 'breaking up' after what seems a fairly minor tiff. Is he your husband or just a boyfriend? How long have you been married? How old are you both?

I don't know, I'd be annoyed if DH forgot something and would have asked him to go back for it straight away when it's the corner shop.

In your place I'm certain I would not have forgotten the blueberries so soon after leaving the house and with only 3 items to buy and would have either texted DH to check which yoghurt to buy, or bought both.

In your DH's place I would have been irritated that you forgot the blueberries and that you chose the large tub of strawberry yoghurt over the vanilla muller corners. But, instead of sulking like a child and pretending that my wife physically prevented me from accompanying her to the supermarket, I would have rolled my eyes at her, probably made a comment about her memory, and then nipped to the shop myself and bought the blueberries and vanilla yoghurt. Job done, no nastiness, whining or sulking and we both get on with our day.

Am missing the point here, but both of those are weird subs for a big pot of vanilla yogurt especially if it's to go with the blueberries — strawberry wouldn't really work, and little synthetic yogurts with unwanted extra sprinkly bits is faffy. Wouldn't you just buy a big pot of plain, and add a bit of vanilla extract and sugar?

And now I really fancy a pot of vanilla yoghurt, and I'm not even that keen on yoghurt.

I say husband/DP is being a pillock. Has so much love gone out of their relationship that he can so easily upset his wife about not going to the shop with her, and the wrong bloody yoghurt?

@CharlottenBurger

Has so much love gone out of the op she couldn't be arsed to get what he asked for?

I feel for OP.

I don't understand a lot of things in this world, and this sort of tale is one of them.

Why didn't the OP let her husband walk with her? I mean, how do you finish listening to an audio book during a two minute walk x2 and an approximately 1 minute shop? Why would you want to listen to a book's denouement while rummaging about in the milk cabinet?

How could someone forget such a small list?

Why didn't OP text or ring her husband and ask about the yogurt?

Why the Relate-worthy debrief drama upon her return?

Why didn't she go back to the shop that's only 2 minutes away? Why didn't he quickly go to the shop? Why are people so bloody weird?

How did Free Spirit come to be married to Sulky Blueberry Man in the first place? How did OP remember to turn up to the ceremony with the right clothes on at the right time?

Who needs a list for 3 items, 2 minutes from home. Usually yoghurt and milk are in the same area too which makes it less likely to happen. Probably went to the dairy section, picked up the milk and the first yoghurt seen and then thought fuck it, I can't be bothered going to the fruit, it's not in this aisle. Especially when she made a point of telling him there were strawberries and bananas that need used. Hardly a great substitution for a blueberry. The yoghurt also just happened to be strawberry, which would go better with both types of fruit already at home more than the blueberries would. How convenient.

Yeah I’d be annoyed if I asked for two things and my partner didn’t get either - especially if I was willing to go to the shop myself.