It’s a Schofield question - don’t click if you’re fed up with it!

[Schofe99]

I know there are lots of other threads. I haven’t found anyone asking/thinking what I am.

I watched the interview. The way he softened when mentioning the young man and emphasised several times that he’s the one he’s most concerned about.

Was it just me thinking WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE??? When Amol asked why it was wrong/what he regretted, I assumed he’d say “well, mainly I was unfaithful to my wife. That was wrong. Im so sorry about that.”

And when he was asked about other gay experiences/relationships he shut that down. Which left me thinking, again, WHAT ABOUT BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE!!!

He’s talked about “us four” before and mentioned it again in the interview. But it’s not ok for him to have all the cosiness and support of a family unit when he’s being unfaithful, surely?

So my AIBU is am I the only one who is seeing this mainly through the eyes of his wife who is watching her husbands infidelity playing out in public? Maybe they’re not sexually intimate and haven’t been for years. But they’re clearly emotionally intimate, spend a lot of time together etc. How UTTERLY GRIM if she didn’t know that her husband was shagging young men. (I really don’t think she did know - I believe him when he says he lied to her).

Op I thought exactly the same thing…surely the biggest apology should’ve been to his wife…

I think his wife probably knew well before everyone else, if not right from the start. It may well have suited her to stay married too.

But the whole interview is a misguided attempt to minimise things. It reminded me a lot of the Prince Andrew one.

It's really not about him being gay, it's about vulnerable (very) young adults being exploited by people in positions of power/influence.

Wtf are you having a go at me for? I'm not a gay man nor do I condone it ffs.

Tbh I think she's known all along and just enjoys the lifestyle that comes with his income. Got to admit, when I heard about him coming out, my response was, I thought that was common knowledge? I hadn't realised he was married. But yes, I reckon she knew.

I was hoping and was very disappointed when he was asked why this situation had come out now that the interviewer never said something alone the lines of….

maybe this would not have got so big of you had not admitted to knowing your paedo brother abused a child and you stood back and did nothing to safeguard that child.

it’s very easy to believe he groomed and abused his power with this young lad given how he covered for his brother.

he has now portrayed himself as the victim while still showing predatory behaviour.

paying for the man’s legal team - grooming involves financial as well so he is still controlling him! This poor guy is still under his influence and it will probably take years for him to realise

Not saying that this is the case here, but let me give you an idea of the script that goes on in a dysfunctional sexual relationship/marriage with a narcissist..

"You are the only person who understands just how complex I am"

"I need this, you have to understand this is what I need to live"

"Everyone else does it, at least I'm 100% honest. Everyone else is having affairs, but I just fall in love. I'm 100% honest ".

"You promised. It's your duty. I'll die without you. I'll die without this. Hiw will the children feel when I'm dead".

"It's actually your fault, because you are not adventurous enough, you are not trying hard enough "

"I am special, I am so precious, Everyone agrees, look how popular I am. I need to be nurtured and loved, otherwise I will die...and that will be your fault!"

Not saying that's his situation, but it explains how people get away with it over and over, and their spouses just seem to tolerate and accept, whilst they slowly die inside.

Maybe his wife found out he was gay and decided to continue the marriage as more of a partnership for convenience and for the kids. Fair enough if it works for her. That doesn't mean she knew exactly what relationships he was having with other people or that he was grooming young boys. I suspect he kept that pretty quiet.

Yes I don’t think it needs to be anything so sinister as a contract and turning a blind eye from the get go in order to help his career.

Maybe they had a romantic relationship within the context of a marriage, and then over the years that changed more into a friendship / co-parenting one. He comes clean to her about his sexuality at some point and that side of their relationship is over, but they remain a family unit and noone is that keen on hiring expensive divorce lawyers? - they continue to share assets, the family home, family life.
Plenty of marriages in the past worked like that.

It might well be that there was a huge amount of pain and hurt there but in the many years since, they’ve moved on?

Wow yes I'd completely forgotten about him covering up for his brother and that it hasn't been mentioned for a while. It shows how well that's all been swept under the carpet, and he still obviously has plenty of clout if he's able to command interviews containing only the questions he is prepared to answer.

I always assumed she knew he was gay for a long time and accepted he had gay lovers. And I think, if both people are happy with that it’s no one else’s business.

However, it’s really obvious he has had multiple gay lovers. But is talking about being unfaithful in this instance. Is he lying and trying to pretend he has been with other men? He has talked in the past, in judgement of people who have affairs.

The only way this can be an affair and others not, is if he was emotionally involved and that was a boundary set when his wife accepted he would be sleeping with other men. But he says he wasn’t emotionally involved. They were just mates.

Why lie to her about this man he was sleeping with, if she was fully aware he had gay lovers? Because he knew it was wrong given the situation? Why was she so angry/upset when he admitted it to her, if it’s an open marriage? It can only be because he has always known the situation with this young man was wrong.

It’s like he wants to present ‘married family man with loving wife and 2 beautiful daughters’ when it’s to his advantage. Then present as strong and brave gay man when it suits

Their marriage is their business. But the whole thing exposes big holes in his story.

like a lot of other stuff he said in that interview, I don’t believe she didn’t know. Maybe she didn’t know about the person in question but did she really think her gay husband (obviously gay to anyone with a brain cell) was living a life of celibacy for decades? Maybe it suited her to beard for him?

I think it didn't occur to him to mention her because they haven't been a normal husband and wife for a very very very long time.
He doesn't see her as a partner (likewise with her I assume) and therefore, it wouldn't occur to him to apologise to her.

Its because the outrage isn't about how he treated her. Nobody cares. That's why he was 'brave'. I doubt she knew at the beginning, but who knows? It's awful that the impact of this on her is ignored. But a 'sign of the times' where the women are suppose to shut up be supportive.

They are loaded. their daughters are grown up. It is strange that she still wants to carry on being his wife for the memories of the "Four of us". That was tainted knowing what she knows now and they are on the next phase of their relationship so it is not clear what she is trying to hold on to. It would do her self-esteem the world of good to forge a new life without him.

Firstly he’s a complete top end narcissist and doesn’t care a jot about anyone but himself. Secondly, there’s no way his wife didn’t know, it’s not possible! Everyone knew he was gay so there’s no way she didn’t know.

I don't understand why she didn't divorce him when he came out. Just totally bizarre.

But you've just argued that women are happy to be 'beards'. A beard refers to a wife who is used to hide a man's sexuality while accentuating his masculinity. Suggesting that wives are happy to be used in this way is the same as condoning it no?

I feel bad for his wife. No doubt he went off sex with her very very early on in the marriage, never made any effort to figure that out, never talked about that, let her feel unattractive and undesirable for 30 years. I'm glad she knows now that it was NOTHING to do with her. my very first bf was gay and i went through my 20s thinking that any man who was attracted to me was doing me a favour, so it does leave a mark on you. I would really like to hear his wife's story. all of her emotions.

I think PS is a narc who has dismissed her experience to ''well, I supported her and she has the kids'' and while that's true, she could have had a different life but he cast her in the role of his beard.

She doesn't want to get in there with her side of the story, but I'm curious. But then, plenty of other women whose husbands turned out to be gay have told this story and it wasn't a walk in the park for them.

100% agree. It’s despicable he’s trying to use what happened to Caroline Flack to make people soften up.

It was acted.
it was practiced
it was directed
The soft voice, the looks to the side, upwards, the slightly unkempt look, not his usual glossy made-up self, the black and white contrast, even the lighting. EVERYTHING was very carefully planned and managed by very clever PR people, they’d worked hard on this. He said what he was told to say to for damage limitation.
His wife has already been discarded ( by PR) as collateral damage and they don’t want to keep reminding the public that Schofield was a serial cheater for many years.

Bexx87

I was married to my ex for 30 before he admitted he was gay and had been having an affair with his best friend for six years. We had two children together and were having intermittent sex even that late into our marriage.So, no, Schofield's wife didn't necessarily know he was gay. Many of our friends guessed but never said one word to me. At least my ex didn't cheat with a teenager, AFAIK. But his deceit destroyed our family and our children have been damaged by his actions and lack of remorse (same as Schofield.)

married for 30 years

I fear that HE will dump HER now that he is certain his career is over and he doesn't need to use the marriage as a way of promoting his family guy image.

Chispazo No doubt he went off sex with her very very early on in the marriage, never made any effort to figure that out, never talked about that, let her feel unattractive and undesirable for 30 years.

Not necessarily so, in my experience. My (gay) ex husband was always full of compliments to me (should have been a red flag, in retrospect - my current partner never compliments me!) and we continued to have sex throughout our 30 year marriage. He is now married to another man.

I feel sorry for her having to go through this in public because her husband came out as gay on tv and now is also on tv discussing his cheating whilst married. The This Morning doctor who came out as gay didn’t do this on tv and divorced his wife without a media storm. Difficult situations managed differently.