SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

@randomfriends

No I havent

Not my fault if you cant grasp it

Now that I'm done 🤣🤣🤣...

Are you generally lazy, and he comes home to an unkempt house with badly behaved children; no washing, cooking or tidying done etc?

I ask, because I've seen threads about SAHD that make me wonder if there's any point to them at all.

If that's not you and your 'output' is as it should be, then he's probably hinting that he'd like you to get back to work.

If not and he's just lost himself for a minute, a sharp 'pull yourself together' from you to him is in order.

In any case, once this bullshit starts, I don't know how you continue to stay at home without it becoming a high conflict situation.

It depends - is the house a tip? Does he carry all the mental load even though he works? As others have said, if this had been posted as you working and him a SAHH who wan't pulling his weight, the responses would have been different.

If not then it is ridiculous. And why would you even need to ask? Are you being abused and your sense of what is normal is really skewed by him?

I was a SAHM, and my then-DH would not have dreamed of giving me a list of chores for fear for his arse and the pain involved in plating it up for him. But I ran the household and sorted everything except he mowed the lawn, cooked if he felt like it, and parented when he was home.

So are you pulling your weight? If so, just ignore the whole thing, tell him it doesn't matter what anyone else does, and ask him what this is really about.

If he's being a twat, remind him how cheap a cleaner and gardener are compared to a divorce.

Seems to me that you can't grasp anyone disagreeing with you.

I can't remember what your point was because you're all over the place.

I've noticed that it's often minimised, being a working parent. Especially if there's a SAHP at home.

SAHP is 24/7
Look at how much SAHP could earn if it was paid (usually with a ridiculous link stating a huge salary)
Going to work is a break
Going to work is the easy option

It's often overlooked how stressful it can be financially providing for your family, especially if you're the only person doing it.

I don’t believe this post at all

That level of control I would run for the hills but otherwise I would tell him that you will be looking to return to work and give him a list of how ALL the household tasks and childcare will be divided equally between the two of you and ask him how he is going to manage to do his share.

Wow - did he actually use the word output that’s so bad! He sounds controlling

@randomfriends

People are free to disagree with me all they like. And I'm free to disagree with them.

I'm not all over the place but am responding to several points at once

I guess it's easier to pretend you can't follow my point than counter it though

😂😂

He clearly doesn't think the split you have is fair. I wouldn't know if that is true or not but he is telling you he isn't happy with how things are. Do you think you are pulling your weight so to speak. You have one whole day to yourself a week. What gets done that day?

Oh FGS it's not an English comprehension assignment. It's obvious she's's married to a misogynistic prick. It's inferred can you not see that @ToK1 😂

The clue is in the stereotypical finance man with Big Important Job treating his W clearly with disdain and a breathtaking nasty arrogance. Not much else to note here.

@randomuser2020

Who cares if it's made up?

Got you posting though eh?

Does he have a list of duties of things he has to do? For example?
Pay the mortgage?
Pay the utlities?
Pay for food / clothes / necessities?
Pay for vacations?
Pay for activities for the children?
Build up a savings account?'
Contribute to retirement funds?

Is there a list of duties that it is expected he will do as part of his responsiblity for the family?

Do you have expectations that he will do these duties and do them on time?

Do you try and have input into how these duties and responsibilities are performed?

Do you expect a certain lifestyle and that it is his duty to provide it?

@randomuser2020

No more bizarre than you posting on a thread to criticise other people for posting lol

I'd be asking if his partners have any recommendations for good divorce lawyers

I'm almost certain it's made up. I said so yesterday.

Made up or not, some of the comments have made interesting discussions.

Tok and SouthLondonMum - you are (yet again) doing your best to twist this into your very own and very weird SAHM v WM agenda. You have been at it for years and years now. Just get over it please. Every. Single. Thread. Why do you care? It makes no difference to you. Your obsession with categorising SAHMs and your whole mindset around this is the most peculiar thing on MN.

I’d tell him to get fucked. No way any man writing a list of jobs for me to do when I’m jusghling 3 children and cooking and cleaning.

I'm simply responding to comments/replies. Which is how this thing works.

If I'm obsessed then so are the several people who have repeatedly responded so why don't you tell them to give it a rest too?

Oh, that's right. It's because you agree with them.

How I comment or what I comment about isn't of your concern. I'm not forcing anyone to engage with me.

Fuck all to do with the the status of a WP (this thread is not about you). It’s simply a fact to say that parents are not always the sole sources of financial provision.