SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

Which is the point I've been making from the start.

If he wants to treat the OP as an employee at his beck and call, then he needs to respect her rights as an employee - to minimum wage, overtime, set working hours, paid holidays, sick leave etc.

@Tok1 You’re going round in circles.

Pay has monetary value both to the employee and to the employer.

We’re all aware that a SAHM is not an employee other than OP’s DH.

And I wonder why there is such a gender imbalance in the partnerships of top city law firms?

Goldbar - honestly, don't waste your energy trying to explain the obvious.

Yep.

Caring for someone else's child in a professional role isn't the same as caring for your own child. It just isn't.

And?

@Mirabai

Right.

So a sahp is not an employee. They are not being paid for a service.

So they can't charge for a service they are not providing

And if I'm going round in circles so is everyone else

Doesn't bother me

@Goldbar

Except he can't

Because she isn't providing a service you can charge for

There is an imbalance in genders in top roles because women keep enabling sexism

No they’re not an employee but if the partner wants to treat them like one with, they’d better pay them and respect their rights as an employee too.

Yes. And?

Not normal. I can understand him wanting to ask you to improve something for example if the garden’s looking neglected. But micromanaging you, no.

These threads put me off being a SAHM

@Mirabai

They can't because they can't be an employee so it's a moot point.

Being a sahp is just parenting/a lifestyle choice

The op doesn't have to agree to his demands but she also can't charge him for something she isn't providing and should count herself lucky her lifestyle is paid for

Part of the services she provides can be charged for: childcare, admin and cleaning; one in particular cannot - motherhood which is priceless.

Childcare, admin, cleaning - do not have to be done by the mother. And in many families one or more is not.

@SummerDuck if by ‘wives’ he means ‘housekeepers’…

I’d be concerned he thinks you’re free labour tbh. If he’s got such an amazing senior level job then he should have the budget to hire in labour to do those jobs he wants done. Or, you know, he do as most people who work full time do and do them himself at the weekend.

@Mirabai

Part of the services she provides can be charged for:

Not by her they can't.

It’s simply not true that they can’t be an employee. There’s nothing to stop anyone setting a company and putting the wife on the payroll for her services. Many spouses work in the family business.

Of course elements of the service she is providing can be charged for. Cleaning can be charged for, gardening can be charged for, caring for children can be charged for, admin and PA services can be charged for.

If the OP walked out tomorrow, her husband would either have to quit his job or he would have to outsource certain aspects of the services she is providing. And that would involve paying someone else to provide them.

This whole 'parenting your own child has no economic value' nonsense is completely disingenuous and ignores the reality. Which is that parents frequently contract out aspects of parenting (in particular, the everyday care of children) to allow them to engage in other activities of economic value (or simply leisure activities) which cannot be undertaken simultaneously while caring for children.

Only if they are caring for someone else's child or cleaning someone else's house in a professional role.

A SAHM is caring for her own child and cleaning her own house. No one is charged for that.

She could charge for them, although it might be the end of the marriage. But if it was the end of the marriage he’d have to pay someone to provide her services anyway.

Exactly.

Completely agree.

@Mirabai

She could only do that if he was willing to pay in those terms

And who would lol

Duty #1: take the whole man out to the trash and leave him there.