SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

"Parenting your own children has no monetary value."

So what? Nobody cares or even thinks about life in these terms (except you).

We're weren't ripped off at all. That's the going rate for 24/7 childcare. If parents don't want to be around to care for their children, they have to pay others to do this for them. And that's what we had to pay.

Yes, caring for your own children has no monetary value ... until there's no one around to do it for you. And at that point, it is very, very expensive indeed.

Carers are not "parents", that's true, and doing childcare is different from parenting. But it's really a semantic difference at the point that you desperately need someone else to take your child to nursery or look after them when they're sick.

I remember my husband's horror when I was uncontactable in hospital and the school called him to say our son was sick and needed to be collected. He was actually about to start ringing local babysitting agencies.

He’s a partner in a law firm. Most of these people expect to be the sole earners as it’s hard to have two careers or even jobs when he can’t promise to be there, just about ever.

Sorry but nonsense.

All lawyers I know are married to lawyers or other professionals - doctors, bankers, accountants, media etc.

Both partners with jobs with long hours is par for the course these days.

Equally the pp assumes that he was the sole earner in his previous marriage which may not be the case.

@Goldbar

Still missing the point

You are talking about a different type of job. Long hours is different from entirely unpredictable hours when you can't be sure to be home at 7 to relieve the nanny.

No I think I've understood your point quite clearly, I just don't agree with it.

@Goldbar

Clearly you havent as you keep on talking about the cost of childcare which is completely irrelevant to being a sahp

I wonder how many female lawyers with kids have completely 'unpredictable' hours

I’m talking about being a partner in law firm in response to the pp. They claimed such lawyers would expect to be the sole earner which is simply not true.

As to your point - long hours are often unpredictable.

100s.

What century is he living in? He's not your manager.

@Mirabai

I bet they still manage to juggle both though

I agree.

SAHP's are always compared to Nannies on threads like this but it isn't the same thing at all. All parents have to care for their own children, it's just parenting.

With difficulty. They tend to have serious childcare which is where the cost of SAHPing comes in.

I disagree with both of you and agree with @Goldbar

@Mirabai

No, Its where the cost of childcare comes in

I would be telling him to fuck off. You are his wife and partner not his PA.

Well yes, but that gives a monetary value to a portion of the SAHP’s tasks.

Not the cleaning or admin which have separate values.

You're looking after the dd all day, that's one job, house stuff is a bonus. He should probably get a second job too if he's worried about efficiency.

@Mirabai

No it doesn't

It only has monetary value to the employee.

And as has been repeatedly and vociferously pointed out on the thread, the sahm is not an employee

All parents have to care for their children, but if you're not working your not entertaining them, feeding them playing with them when you're at work! Funnily enough if you're with a child you will find it involves some of your time!

If you want to treat the sahm as an employee fair enough but then the oh is right to demand a level of service

But the whole point here is that this isn't the case. All parents don't have to care for their children all the time. Otherwise parents wouldn't be part of the workforce.

And if parents are not caring for their own children (because, for instance, they are working 🙄), then that labour is being performed by someone else, be it nursery, school, nanny or SAHP. And that has an economic value to the other parent because it enables them to engage in activities other than caring for children.

Some people need help.