SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

Ahahahaha. Yeah, his colleagues at work TELL him this is the case.

I bet they don't tell him what their wives response was to such an idea... or that they're mid divorce as a result.

Tell him you will manage household chores and your day to day routine as you see fit, as he manages his.

If a job wants doing that is outwith your remit or timeframe, delegate - in this case, hire someone in. On his dime of course.

Some actually helpful advice here as opposed to people jumping up and down

this is really simple , either you are staying home as your part of a team effort to run your family in which case no list and equal share of family funds or you're an employee of him in which case in addition to a list of duties you need a salary....which is entirely yours and regularly re-negotiated based on workload.... I suspect once he realised how much of shared funds are due to you under his plan he might reconsider...

I’m a lawyer and worked in two magic circle law firms. I can confirm he’s talking bollocks and should fuck right off.

ToK1 ·

"You think 'domestic support'

Out earns a finance lawyer?"

Oh ffs. Not this poster again.

Has he been reading this?

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/may/31/white-supremacy-trad-wives-far-right-feminist-politics

q. What if it rains on a Monday? Do you still have to do the garden?

Not many things MN shock me but this is outrageous behaviour. Looking after your three year old IS your job. And a hard one at that! You are not some kind of unpaid maid and I'd be telling him where to stick his comments.

omg your DH is a complete idiot. i hope you laughed at him

I’ve had three children and they do, but you can get plenty done. I’ve reported this post too as I think this not…,

You have no more knowledge of what she does each day than I have the knowledge of whether or not you are a twat-waffle. But, I can sure guess that she does a LOT each and every day and that I am correct in my thoughts on you.

Divorce is what would be working for me in this situation.

It sounds like he’s mixing up a conversation with his colleagues and The Stepford Wives.

🤣 what qualifications do you think you need to get yelled at on the phone because they haven’t done what they’re supposed to or aren’t where they’re supposed to be?

🤣 what qualifications do you think you need to get yelled at on the phone because they haven’t done what they’re supposed to or aren’t where they’re supposed to be?

It is just me thinking op is a journalist? She certainly has everyone wipped up. Look out for this thread on a future FB thread!

My first husband tried this.
I found Alleycat To Do lists stuck on the fridge. I ignored them and after about a week I put my own enormous note on the fridge:
Husband To Do: FUCK OFF!
He never mentioned it or did it again.

NO ONE is saying that it cannot be discussed. NO ONE knows what the OP is doing everyday. The problem is the NVDH wanting to give duties and routines and inspections. And NO, I doubt very, VERY much that there has been any overwhelming support for a working Mom to pull that with a SAHD.
Duties? Routines? Inspections?
Does she get to comment and dictate his work? Can she demand he make 500K a year to pull HIS weight?
Or are the misogynists out in full-force today making sure the "little woman" knows her place?

Yeah the poster above re "trad wives" could be on to something. I wonder if he's been reading about the "manosphere" or "red pill."

It's possible. Especially as she isn't engaging with comments and has just basically repeated her OP in the responses she has given.

I know quite a few wives of lawyers- most of them are pretty intelligent and sparky individuals themselves and would tell their H to shove his outputs where the sun doesn't shine.

In all fairness with kids that age though you should be able to reasonably keep home ok- but the thing is we don't know what his standards are-if it's. Constant Showhome condition then that's fairly impossible with kids of whatever age. The biggest issue I see is his language and communication skills - using words like 'outputs' is enough to make the hairs on your neck bristle - if he's a lawyer- how about if it's not up to his standards he gets a cleaner in once a fortnight for a few hours ??

PERFECTLY PUT! 👏💯

My dh has the same job. I've been sahm for 14 years. I do whatever i like, and at home mainly washing and cooking. Have a cleaner and gardener. Au pair too when kids were little.
It's not normal for his job, what a silly claim for him to make.

This thread is a Friday-night wind-up most probably.

Want a AIBU thread to kick-off? Mention SAHMs, private schools or "high earners" in a title. Brings the usual out.

Ask him if you went back to work and hired a full-time Nanny……. Would her job description include mowing the lawn and doing the gardening every Monday (alongside taking care of the child), cleaning the bathrooms every Tuesday (again with a three year old alongside her)……. Or is being a Nanny and taking care if a child and general house duties a full time job already? PS I used to work as a Nanny and no Nanny would accept this job!

Will you have to wear a collar and chain? Just to make sure you don't stray too far.