SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

There's no need to be mean OP might need a bit of time to process. Tbf it must be hard to read your husband is a complete dick.

Fuck that shit. He's not the boss of you!

Do you live on Wisteria lane? I’d hand in my resignation!

Omg! If you're playing the nanny / housekeeper then who's playing wife? 😔

Monday 07.30..... DH. Here's your list of this week's duties wife.
Monday 08.00.....wife. Here's the quote for the work you want doing.
Monday 08.02...DH. I'm not paying that!!
Monday 08.03....wife. looks like it's going to stay wanting then. Have a good day dear.

Tell him to make you the list and you will hire the people to do it and supervise them.

What happens if you fail his daily checks?

I think I would be telling DH that he isn't earning enough to keep the family in the style which you would like to become accustomed to living. IOW, there is not enough output from him to register enough input for the family.
Every day he will have to do extra job(s) until his output increases to your satisfaction. A few PT jobs would be good for him and make him appreciate the people in his life to a deeper degree. I am sure he can manage working 16-18 hrs/day for the family, amirite? He can consider those extra jobs the rest of his "duties" and "routines".

I was just about to type exactly the same!!

@ToeJammed

Dh - here's your chores list

Op - nope

Dh - good luck paying the mortgage lol

I may have missed the point of this thread but I think mowing the lawn every Monday is excessive. Maybe every fortnight or ten days. There aren’t any leaves to sweep as it’s June. He’s a fanny isn’t he.

Have you told him your rates yet?

@BadNomad

He's already paying them

If my husband ever tried this approach with me I’d ask to see his work chores and then I’d categorise them for him and audit him at the end of each day. Then I’d laugh in his face and that would be the end of that stupidity.

By that measure, he would give her a bill for the house she lives in, the food she eats, the clothes she wears, the vacations she takes etc and all the other things he contributes to the family without compensation.

Then they’re all twats, not just him

The more i read the OP the more irate i get. This man is a vile specimen. He needs to employ a servant if he's too bone idle to do the most basic of tasks. Fuck that shit saying his wife is responsible for it all.

Doesn’t matter what his colleagues do or don’t do, I’d tell him to fuck right off or I’d be turning up at his work to check he’s doing everything correctly. And giving him lists for the weekend which would be so long and detailed he’d wish he’d never opened his sorry mouth.

'Duties' is chilling in itself

This! Twice over!

Do you agree with the tasks he suggests need doing every week? And if so, are you already doing them? If yes and yes, he can keep his chore lists to himself. If yes and no, some kind of routine may be helpful? If no to the first one, tell him to do the ones you don't agree with himself!

Why? He's the one trying to make her into an employee.

Well if he wants to write a job description with key performance indicators, tell him you require an employment contract. You wont be working more than a 35 hour a week and certainly not weekends, you expect 25 days annual leave and a good pension scheme. Outside of your 9-5 mon-fri you wont of course be doing anything, so he will have to pick all that up.
Or just go and get an actual job that will enable you to actually leave this micromanaging monster.

My DH works in the City. When I was an SAHM he did not give me a chore list or a list of duties. At the most, he would say "Can you take my jacket to the drycleaners?" None of his colleagues do either. Your DH is lying.

@SummerDuck a SAHP runs the house like a small bussiness - you are leading that small bussiness as you see fit. you are the one doing it, living it, running it.

If he wants to be the boss of you, that makes you are an employee, which I would strongly suggest you bill him at £25 per hour.
Remember - as employee all the problem solving lies with you manager.