My mother called the police

[Mooshamoo]

My elderly mother can be overbearing. However she has reached new levels.

I told her I would call her last night. However something came up and I didn't. I decided I would call her today instead.

Because I didn't call her last night.

She called the police to come round and check on me this morning. I opened the door to a police woman this morning. The policewoman said "your mother rang us and said she was worried about you".

On top of that, she did something else.

I am selling my house. My mother rang my estate agent this morning aswell and asked him to ring me to check on me.

It was so embarassing. When he rang me I thought he was ringing about the house. He rang and said "your mother called us".

When I spoke to her later I said "why on earth did you ring my estate agent". She said "because he had a key to your house".

I felt so harassed and stressed this morning. like it's way over the top. I mean come on!

Really? What about a woman that I know. Her mother let me rape her for money. Should she be happy that her mother is alive?

I just read Demi Moore the actress's book. She said that her mother sold her for sex when she was a child. Should she be happy that her mother is alive?

You have no fuckig clue of what people flgo through

What an awful typo.

In my last post it should say " her mother let me rape her for money"

Omg why does this same typo keep happening.

My last post should say "her mother let men rape her for money"

It’s weird behaviour but she’s 75 maybe she’s struggling with her memory? My dad is 81 and says some terrible things I don’t think he really knows what’s he saying.

In your situation I'd go Lc
Call her on the 1st of every month at the same time.
If not, then definitely NC
Hugs

I was just thinking sometimes I'd rather be dead than have to deal with my mother anymore.

You can escape an abusive partner. It's harder to escape an abusive parent.

I tried to go low contact with her before, I then had my aunties texting me saying your mum is elderly - why aren't you here with her etc

What a stupid thing to say. Your mother was someone else.

Three children are killed by abusive familes a month in England. Do you also think those children should have been grateful to have their parents around before they were killed.

Do you think it would be appropriate for someone on a thread where a woman is being abused by her husband for someone to say "I lost my husband years ago and I'd give anything to be in your position right now"

The OP is being abused by her mum. Im pretty sure you would not give anything to actually be in her position right now.

Not all mothers are good mothers. Some mothers use control and abuse instead of care.

Sorry but wtf are these emojis are that statement?

Sad then a hug for support? Not sure the smiley hug one goes with the statement though!

@Catchasingmewithspiders Yeah it’s… not the right tone I think. Set my teeth on edge massively.

I’m so sorry @Mooshamoo. It’s clearly control and not worry and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this.

Time for a long talk with mom.

I think this is the biggest hurdle people face when wanting to go NC with a toxic parent. The guilt trips from relatives. Not flying monkeys sent by the abusive parent, but the 'well meaning' phone calls from people who have no idea of the real situation, or if they do they're choosing to downplay or ignore it. And then the hard decision as to whether or not to tell other family members and risk them not believing you and possibly taking the abusive parent's 'side' because it's easier to believe than acknowledge an ugly truth. In many cases the abused 'loses' more than just the abuser from their life.

Have you talked to a therapist about going NC? It may help you sort the wheat from the chaff and make the right decision for you and then give you the tools to deal with any 'fallout'.

My mother was awful, also. But in order to handle her, I set up a regular time to call her once a week, so that she knew in advance I would call on that particular morning every week. It seemed to corral her somewhat.

My mother is a diagnosed narcissist. She has always wrapped up control as just being concerned.
Thankfully not everyone has a parent like this but don’t dismiss it just because it’s not the case for you. Would you dismiss the affect of domestic violence just because you haven’t experienced it - I think not. Just count yourself lucky that when you think of a mother it’s not the nightmare that some people have to live with.

To the OP. I’m sure you’re fed up of people putting their oar in but please consider:
Setting up a password with your estate agent, just in case she escalates & contacts them pretending to be you (if she’s gone this far I would dismiss it)
Never tell her a day/time that you’ll ring. When (not if) she demands this, tell her that you won’t sue to her behaviour on this occasion.
Good luck

Did you just blame someone for being abused as a kid?

The OP doesn't have to do fuck all to help her either.

I think this thread is weird. It started off with an OP about a mum who was worried about her daughter not answering the phone and called the police. The OP implied they still love and care for their parent. The OP implied this was recently escalating behaviour. It appeared to many posters that maybe the mum has dementia or worsening MH and it felt like OP sounded a bit cold and cruel.

Then the thread turns into something entirely different, which is that the OPs mum is abusive and always has been. Neither OP nor her mum like each other. The have a cold and distant relationship. OPs mum is a terrible woman and OP wants to go NC, but hasn't.

Now it's moved on to the OPs mum being basically evil, being compared with the OPs friends mum, who would let her dad rape her and gave her date rape drugs. OPs mum is cold and verbally abusive and generally horrendous.

It would have been better if the original post, and the title, had been 'how do I go NC with my abusive mum?' rather than, basically, my mum was worried about me and called the police.

Step 1: Block her. You don’t owe her a relationship.

Step 2: Let her call the police. Tell them it’s vexatious, they’ll then ignore the fuck out of the stupid calls.

Step 3: Inform your estate agent/place of work/sibling that you have zero desire for any information regarding her. In the case of the estate agent, threaten to cancel contract if they act on anything she says.

Step 4: Try to enjoy your life.

(Before anyone tries the guilt bullshit, my mum died five years ago. She was awesome, but if she hadn’t been, I would have done what I’ve suggested here if needed.)

Another trite and insensitive comment. From someone who has not bothered to read any of OP’s comments despite this thread being hundreds of posts long.

I will never understand why people don’t even read at least an OP’s comments when a thread is a certain length.

Really? Could the mother not have phoned or texted her grown up daughter?

How I do it is fast forward in my head and imagine being 84, like my Dad living alone, not working , sad at the loss of my mother and in a house silent where it was once full of a loving wife and 4 children - it must hurt like hell - I text good morning and goodnight and make a video call each afternoon - I text if I cant make the video call or need to move it - just imagine what I would wish for myself

Her anxiety must be through the roof. Sadly it will get worse as she ages. Could she have dementia?

I had this with my mum when I was in my 30s. Mum always worried about me and yes can be quite infuriating.
one incident had gone away for new year , with husband and 3 children to visit his family in Ireland on ferry, weather had been bad and no communication available, so hadn't been able to inform mum had arrived , oblivious to me , Mum started ringing round members of family in various parts of UK and then Ireland to check if anyone knew if i was OK and eventually got message from random Aunty saying mum had been ringing, Another time summer evening I'm late 30s / early 40s ish, went for walk with eldest Sis and dogs + 4 children in tow, Mums ringing worrying we are late, it was still light at 9 🙄
As parents we worry but yours and mine to us a nuisance , when they get overly concerned that they are ringing the whole world . Your Mums issue may well be that something isn't quite right with her to go as far as ringing police and clearly letting her know that you would ring next day would have been the best thing to do in hindsight, and now in future to be sure even in a text if you don't ring let her know you OK. Could well have been something she'd watched on television that made her worry.
Totally understand your frustration basically but please appreciate too that your mum cares. I would watch for anymore behaviour likd this and maybe check meds etc

This is very emotionally manipulative, not all mother daughter relationships are black and white like yours.