To have told these pre-teens off in the park?

[peachesandsweets]

Right I maybe be being ABU... but I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my tolerance is minimal at best 😂

Waddled with DD (2 years old nearly) to a local park today. The park is fab, has a closed play area with what I'd consider to be younger children's equipment, and then outside on the field there's a large climbing frame, zip line etc etc.

Was about to let DD on the toddler slide when two pre-teen girls climbed up the slide onto the top of the equipment, effectively blocking it for anyone else - and started taking pictures and putting them on Instagram.

I tried to be patient but after 5 mins of this with my daughter patiently waiting I asked if the girls were planning on staying much longer, to be met with sniggers. I grabbed DD and lifted her off to something else, but grumpily said "these aren't for teenagers are they!" Very loudly.

What followed was these girls telling me repeatedly that they were only 12 and allowed in the park like everyone else.

In the end I just left because I felt like I was about to scream. But AIBU to think that if you're just sitting on your phone, or old enough to have Instagram - you can sit and be a teenager somewhere else!!??

I agree you must have been unlucky. I have also tried this approach many times (because it's just general human - which 12 year olds of course are - interaction) and I can't recall a single time that it's not worked.

Or to move.

If it were you up there taking photos, and (let's give the girls the benefit of the doubt and say) you hadn't noticed someone waiting, would you apologise for hogging the slide and move. Or would you snigger and say no.

The former: oblivious kids being kids 🤷‍♀️
The latter: cheeky, rude kids. 🤨

Try asking nicely, kids respond much better that way. They probably didn’t even notice you, why do people always think it’s ok to be a bitch to kids and then expect respect back?

If you wanted someone to move who seemed oblivious would you (1) politely ask them directly or (2) ask a strange passive aggressive question, followed by a passive agressive comment to a young child.

The former: an adult 🤷‍♀️
The latter: well, you know 🤨

Because they are adults and kids are just kids? I do wonder the same thing, most kids are really nice if you are nice to them. Op’s toddler will be 12 soon enough. Kids are not kids forever..

I think I would have just joked Ok, unless you move a bit you’re in charge of this little one while I’m going for coffee..

YABU.

You sound like you were acting a bit childish tbh and it doesnt sit right with me that you was about to scream. But, i get that you are very heavily pregnant and i know that it is hard work on its own let alone being at a park.

I normally just say nicely 'hi guys, would you mind moving so he/she can have a go). Never have i have a child say no and they are normally very nice. I also wouldn't have been waiting for 5 minutes.

FYI - 12 is still a child and they are entitled to hang around and play in a park. A 12 year old plays very differently from a toddler. But, equally are important and I'd much rather my 12 year old play/hang about/ play on their phones with their friends in a park rather than 'hanging about the shops/town/in their bedroom alone etc'. I also have a toddler so i am aware that they also need to play.

Maybe you are taking it a bit too personally tbh. A 12 year old is still a child and not a teenager in my opinion but regardless, a teenager and ANYONE is entitled to use a public park. It's half term so will be busier than usual.

I also take my neighbour's child with me to the park who is 20 years old sometimes who loves swinging on the swing (she'd do it for hours). Should she not be allowed in the park to have fun because she isnt young enough!?

You didnt tell them off. You were very passive aggressive about them to your child as you walked away. And probably stressed your own child out as you did it.

i work with teenagers so don't hesitate dealing with them in situations like this. You will almost always find they are happy to move for a toddler if asked, as toddlers love children who are bigger than they are and teens love feeling grown up. Maybe even try watch how these big girls do this first!

I would told her that in that case she should already know that all the little kids are supposed to take a turns.

I bet she would move afterwards.

That is dreadful and also a matter for the police.

I don't understand how this has ANYTHING to do with children in a playground taking pics of themselves!?

What is strange about the question, "Will you be much longer?" Seems a normal question to me. And it totally depends on the tone of her voice if it was passive aggressive or not. It sounds polite and friendly they way I say it.

It’s very passive agressive and rude to say loudly to a toddler "these aren't for teenagers are they!". It’s just ridiculous. Just talk to them properly.

What is strange about the question, "Will you be much longer?" Seems a normal question to me

Will you be much longer is adult speak for hurry up and get off. Adults can decifer that question and read between the lines. Its a polite way of getting someone to hurry up or move without actually saying that. You need to me more direct with teens.

But she had talked to them.
She'd waited patiently while they took their photos.
Then she'd asked them if they were going to be much longer.
Their response - they laughed at her.
How come she's in the wrong and those girls were in the right?

They’re only 12, OP. I know when you have a 2yo that seems gigantic, but it really isn’t. They are kids messing about having fun with their mates, causing no trouble.

If you approach them in that spirit, you will get a much better outcome.

Why did you not just politely say could they please make space for your child to use the equipment too? Problem solved. No drama needed.

They understood. If they'd taken it literally, they would have politely said, just another couple of minutes instead of laughing. They knew they were being asked to move. Same as if you said to them, what's your coat doing on the floor? They'd know you want them to move it.

That question, to a child, means hurry up and leave. Like they argued, they did have a right to be there too. They knew the rules which is fair enough as they were doing something that was fun and important to them there and then. And op’s way of directing her sourness to her toddler after suggests she didn’t say it in a nice tone.

There are just better ways to talk to children which will end with everyone being happy instead of grumpy.

Because as the adult in the situation, it is reasonable to expect that she would have communicated more effectively than she did.

Because they are kids, and not adults like op. And they had a right to be there, it’s a playground. They giggled. They didn’t say fuck off or anything. Where are kids in that in between age supposed to go and do their thing?

I think she communicated very politely actually.
She and her child waited patiently.
They messed about.
She asked them politely.
They sniggered.
The girls were rude to mess around on the slide while someone else wanted to use it for what it was meant for. And they were rude to snigger at her when she asked them politely how long they were going to be.
If she was then rude back, well, they deserved it.

Thanks all - yep, I do think being this pregnant is making me a bit of an arse! Noted to be nicer next time 😂

Op has already nicely acknowledged that she might try and be nicer next time (when she is less pregnant, fair enough!)

Op has already nicely acknowledged that she might try and be nicer next time (when she is less pregnant, fair enough!)

Of course she said that. Because shes a nice person. And she was nice to those 12yos. Any nicer and she'd be taking them cake. 🙄

OK, you think she communicated well. I disagree. The OP has already acknowledged that she could have communicated more effectively.

You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but if that's your idea of effective communication, then it's hardly surprising that you don't always get the response that you might hope for. Sadly, I think your approach makes it much more likely that you will go through life thinking that other people are unreasonable because you don't know how to communicate with them in a way that actually works.

Whatever you say.