To have told these pre-teens off in the park?

[peachesandsweets]

Right I maybe be being ABU... but I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my tolerance is minimal at best 😂

Waddled with DD (2 years old nearly) to a local park today. The park is fab, has a closed play area with what I'd consider to be younger children's equipment, and then outside on the field there's a large climbing frame, zip line etc etc.

Was about to let DD on the toddler slide when two pre-teen girls climbed up the slide onto the top of the equipment, effectively blocking it for anyone else - and started taking pictures and putting them on Instagram.

I tried to be patient but after 5 mins of this with my daughter patiently waiting I asked if the girls were planning on staying much longer, to be met with sniggers. I grabbed DD and lifted her off to something else, but grumpily said "these aren't for teenagers are they!" Very loudly.

What followed was these girls telling me repeatedly that they were only 12 and allowed in the park like everyone else.

In the end I just left because I felt like I was about to scream. But AIBU to think that if you're just sitting on your phone, or old enough to have Instagram - you can sit and be a teenager somewhere else!!??

This. I'd have asked them to move

I'd have replied well 12 is old enough to know how to be considerate to other and take turns.

I am with you op. Nothing wrong with teens or pre-teens at the park, but I did once morph into a very strict and bosom hoiky teacher of yesteryear when I encountered a group of them swearing like fucking every like fucking other fucking word fucks sake. I know they don't have many places to go at that age but they still need to behave in an appropriate way for the place they're using

12 year olds aren't terribly self aware and the fact they didn't tell you to f off or similar (which could easily be the reaction in my local park) suggests that had you been a bit more assertive and asked them nicely to move then they would have done. They have every right to play in a park and hanging out and taking selfies is their pre teen version of it.

I think this ^^ would have been the best approach.

I’ve got a preteen. I know she and friends would always move if asked nicely -especially for a little child. I think they would move if tutted at too but would probably feel upset about it and like they were being unjustifiably told off.

12 year olds are still kids and not always as considerate or aware of non verbal communication as grown ups. They are often self absorbed so sometimes you have to be more direct. But we should be polite to them just as we would be to other adults. Also they do have a right to play in the playground too - even if it’s taking pictures.

Sorry, that reply took me ages and I’ve x posted and repeated lots of what Motherofacertainage said.

Why didn't you just ask them pleasantly to move so your DD could use the slide? They would have done.

@Treasureboxkey is spot on - most teens/preteens are lovely with little ones if you approach them cheerfully. I had a similar situation many years ago when DS wanted to sit in the front seat at the top of a bus, and ended up with three 'grumpy' teenagers budging up to make room and singing 'The Wheels on the Bus' with him! 😂He's a grumpy teenager himself now and would die of embarrassment if I reminded him of this, but he would also do the same for a toddler.

I’d have plonked my child on regardless and started a very loud round of toddler talk a la Miss Rachel - Look DD a slide! Wheee! Does DD want to go down the big slide?

They’d have fucked off pretty quickly.

I agree with be nicer, we have the same at our park, usually in the summer evening they all congregate at the top of the slide- I just politely asked them to clear the actual top of the slide so she could get up and down and they did so without any attitude, they even helped her up a few times in the end!

I told off some preteen girls who were taking the swings and throwing them up so the chains got completely wrapped around the top bar. They told me I couldn’t tell them what to do. I replied that they didn’t have the right to make the equipment unusable. They didn’t like that.

You gave all the power to the 12 year olds with your question.

You're the adult. You don't have to be rude about it, just ask/instruct them to move

This age group tends to be pretty decent at responding if they're prompted nicely about how to behave. They seem pretty grown-up when you're used to toddlers, but they're used to being the small ones at secondary school (or may still be at primary if they're big y6s).

There's not much public space for them to develop their independence in. Some MNers would have you believe that they're too old to play in their own gardens. In my area there is a youth shelter, and a single basketball ring/ goal near the toddlers play area. It simply can't accomodate the hundreds of older children living in the area. That doesn't mean they should hog and obstruct the toddler play area, but there is a massive shortage of spaces that are attractive for them to play or hang out around particularly if they don't want to play sports.

The OP said there was equipment for older children outside the area designated for the littles - the older kids had plenty to play on.

Perfectly OK to ask kids to move off equipment if they're just sitting there, not 'playing'.

I am so glad my kids are now too old to cafe about playgrounds as j remember so clearly all the grumpy parents looking at my 9-12 years olds and being so upset that they were there. It was the exception rather than the norm that a parent of a young child smiled approvingly at me.

kids aren’t adults just because their bodies start looking like they are

Why didn't you just say , girls do you mind if my little one has a go on the slide. Just speak to kids like adults and you'll find most are fine.

I think the perception of ‘older’ children when you have younger children is quite interesting.

Your DD will be 12 before you know it and will most likely be a lovely kid who needs a bit of adult guidance every now and then. This age group are mostly awesome (but not perfect) humans and it’s really sad to hear people saying things like ‘they shouldn’t be in the playground’.

They were very being self absorbed but would probably have loved to have played with your little one and helped her up if asked. Don’t be scared of older kids.

I had the exact same situation when my DD was about 2 or 3. She embarrassed me by loudly shouting ‘my go, my go now’. The older, scary looking kids laughed and moved out of her way.

It's probably best to avoid being passive aggressive. Something like, "Hi girls, my daughter is going to have a shot now," would have moved most kids that age.

When they're together, tweens and teens are likely to dig their toes in with a confrontation, particularly if with a heavily pregnant woman and a small child, - they don't want to appear weak in front of their mates, and they calculate they have a fair chance of 'winning', in my experience.

I have found that a breezy but assertive, 'hi, X here has been waiting for her go, would you mind popping off for a moment so she can go'? or something to that affect can work.

Of course, they might then mouth off and mutter, but when some boys did that to my elder daughter, my youngest, two years, tiny, with piggy tails, turned around, glared at them, hands on hips, and said, 'That's MY SISTER', and somehow shamed them into better behaviour, bless her.

I agree with this. Treat them with respect and they respect you back.

It’s how you do it…..I’d have got all chatty with them, overly so, would have asked to see their photos etc, basically bored (freaked them out) them with annoying questions and someone their Mum’s age being pally. Then I’d have said ‘right girls, it’s Imogen’s turn now’ firmly and got out the hobnobs and offered them round.

This would be really inappropriate and confused them. That's not cool. Just ask them to move politely.

You didn’t really tell them off. I’d have said ‘If you’re not using the slide, you need to move so that kids can play on it’.

why on earth didn’t you just ask them?

”Excuse me but my little girl would really like to use the slide. If you aren’t using it could you come down so that she could have a turn?”

direct, polite, firm but non confrontational, just as you’d speak to an adult.

I understand it’s annoying but being passive-aggressive rarely gets good results

Oooh you're hard! Those children have as much right to be there as your precious toddler. Would you speak to an adult like that? I very much doubt it.