To have told these pre-teens off in the park?

[peachesandsweets]

Right I maybe be being ABU... but I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my tolerance is minimal at best 😂

Waddled with DD (2 years old nearly) to a local park today. The park is fab, has a closed play area with what I'd consider to be younger children's equipment, and then outside on the field there's a large climbing frame, zip line etc etc.

Was about to let DD on the toddler slide when two pre-teen girls climbed up the slide onto the top of the equipment, effectively blocking it for anyone else - and started taking pictures and putting them on Instagram.

I tried to be patient but after 5 mins of this with my daughter patiently waiting I asked if the girls were planning on staying much longer, to be met with sniggers. I grabbed DD and lifted her off to something else, but grumpily said "these aren't for teenagers are they!" Very loudly.

What followed was these girls telling me repeatedly that they were only 12 and allowed in the park like everyone else.

In the end I just left because I felt like I was about to scream. But AIBU to think that if you're just sitting on your phone, or old enough to have Instagram - you can sit and be a teenager somewhere else!!??

She did ask them nicely exactly what you suggested, whether they were going to be much longer.

after 5 mins of this with my daughter patiently waiting I asked if the girls were planning on staying much longer, to be met with sniggers.

I don't know why she had to turn it into a speech.

She has no idea what they were doing with the photos. My daughter and her friends take pics to share with each other, none of them use Instagram.

I think a lot of those still commenting are forgetting 2 key things.

1. The OP is 39 weeks pregnant with a small toddler added into the mix. I think most of us are understandably short tempered and quicker to get frustrated at such a late stage of pregnancy.

1. The poor OP has already admitted she probably could have been nicer and will try to be in future should a similar situation arise.

There's not much point in copious amounts of posters continuing to point out she wasn't as polite as she could have been, she's already well aware and has acknowledged that.

I think you handled it oddly tbh. Just say "excuse me can y ou move over so DD can use the slide" - rather than passive agressive comments to your DD about how parks aren't for teenagers.... you are an adult, use your adult words and communicate.

Most play areas allow 12s and under.
At that age, the girls probably feel safer in the play area rather than in the open park area - their mum's possibly even suggest it.
Play us about using your imagination and having fun with friends. It is possible to play on a slide without actually sliding. It doesn't sound as though anyone else was wanting to use the slide until the OP arrived.
Just because you are pg doesn't give you the right to be rude to children.
Treat children politely and fairly and the vast majority will respond positively.

To be fair she did ask them if they were planning to move soon. And they just laughed at her. Then she had a grumble. I don't blame her.

You could have just asked them to
move? There’s a lot of problems with teens/pre teens caused by the shitty way some adults treat them.

Why would 12 year old girls be on a toddler slide? That's just pathetic.

But that's a really low status, low energy way to ask someone to do something that you expect them to do. She's inviting them to say no.

I would also have said “excuse me, my little one would like a go now!”

I told some kids off yesterday for being mean to mine. Kids are horrible.

That 'use your words' trope is really getting old and it never doesn't sound rude.

This was a toddler slide. OP shouldn't have had to 'use her words'. These children may be entitled to be in a park, but commandeering a piece of equipment for very much younger children is beyond ridiculous and they shouldn't even need telling.

It will get to the stage where park attendants are needed - or parks will just close when they become abused by the feral.

Yabu

But i get it 🤣

Again though, passive agressive. Just say - directly - can DD get by to get to the slide. Not "when do you plan to move".

I think it's really sad that 12 year old are posing for instagram pictures in the first place. I'd have been down that slide at 12.

But OP should use her words - that is age appropriate behaviour. You can't expect 12 year olds (who are biologically inclined to be self centered at that age) to be aware of a toddler in the park and what they might do next and then not expect a fully grown woman to use her words to advocate for her child rather than making passive agressive comments.

12 year olds sitting on playground equipment aren't "feral" for gods sake. You do you know your lovely little chubby toddler who can do no wrong will one day be 12, and somewhere between adult and child, and figuring out their space in the world.

How very feral of you!

I'd have just smiled and said something along the lines of "sorry to interrupt your fun, girls, but I've got a two year old here who is desperate to have a go on the slide. Would you mind moving for a few minutes so that she can have a go, please?"

I bet they would have willingly moved.

@Nordicrain but only if there weren't any other children around. We didn't have a park to hang around in!

Exactly. A direct and age appropriate way to communiate with 12 year olds.

I honestly feel sorry for kids of this age - too young to really be independent, constantly judging for being - apparently antisocial, criticised for spending too much time on their phones, but then aren't allowed to play at the park becasue that is "meant" for toddlers, or in their own gardens for that matter. What exactly are they meant to do?

Mrsbennets, i've tried that approach in the past to no avail

I was with DNephew in a playground recently and there was a sort of ride where 4 kids went on and were pushed on it (looked like a fairground ride to me). DNephew is almost 5 but looks like a 7 year old in height etc and there was a lovely girl, quite tomboyish, aged roughly 11 who spent ages on the ride with him and other kids, and really appreciated his enthusiasm and interacted with him. She was so nice my SIL (DNephew’s DM) said “we’ve found a new babysitter!” Not sure if she was old enough to babysit but she’d certainly have been invited on a play date.

All you needed to do as others have said is asked then politely to let your DD have a go. I do find that older kids are fine as long as you speak to them politely and nicely.

You have been very unfortunate then. Or else you think you have tried that approach and you have actually been doing something a bit different.

I have worked extensively with teenagers, including some very troubled ones. There will always be exceptions, but the vast majority respond positively when you approach them in the right way.

This. Some people here seem to have less social skills in human interaction than 12-year olds.

But they did need telling. So the OP should hold told them, politely but firmly.

Should have...