To have told these pre-teens off in the park?

[peachesandsweets]

Right I maybe be being ABU... but I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my tolerance is minimal at best 😂

Waddled with DD (2 years old nearly) to a local park today. The park is fab, has a closed play area with what I'd consider to be younger children's equipment, and then outside on the field there's a large climbing frame, zip line etc etc.

Was about to let DD on the toddler slide when two pre-teen girls climbed up the slide onto the top of the equipment, effectively blocking it for anyone else - and started taking pictures and putting them on Instagram.

I tried to be patient but after 5 mins of this with my daughter patiently waiting I asked if the girls were planning on staying much longer, to be met with sniggers. I grabbed DD and lifted her off to something else, but grumpily said "these aren't for teenagers are they!" Very loudly.

What followed was these girls telling me repeatedly that they were only 12 and allowed in the park like everyone else.

In the end I just left because I felt like I was about to scream. But AIBU to think that if you're just sitting on your phone, or old enough to have Instagram - you can sit and be a teenager somewhere else!!??

I'm not sure why you couldn't have just politely said "excuse me girls, would you mind moving over a bit please so that my DC can have a go on the slide?"

Just because they are pre-teens doesn't mean they deserve to be spoken to in the way your OP and other oysters have suggested.

Show people a bit of respect and in most cases, it will usually be reciprocated.

Too often society's default setting towards 12-16 year olds is to assume they are doing something nefarious and/or to make an aggressive, confrontational approach. And then be surprised when they respond in kind. Firm politeness is much better in my experience.

Nobody has a right to occupy a slide if they aren’t actually playing on it. They were doing Instagram pics not playing. So why do you think they had “as much right” as a child who actually wants to use the slide for what’s it meant for? And if an adult had been doing that I would definitely have told them they were too old yes! Actually I would have thought wtf??!!

They're not too old for a playground necessarily. It's a tricky inbetween age. They are still really young and are often shockingly unaware of what's going on around them. They probably didn't even notice the op and her dc at first. Op...one day your little one will be an older child and go out on their own with friends...even if they're being annoying, I'm sure you'd want any adults around to treat them with kindness and politeness. I have two teenage dc and always am polite to any teenager I may encounter...remember they were someone's baby not too long ago!

But you didn't tell them off! You just said something passive aggressively to your 2 year old. Why didn't you just ask them to move nicely? Something like "hey girls, are you going to be much longer? Have you got all the pics you need? This 2/year old isn't going to be able to wait much longer..."

Why get so confrontational about it?

If you had just asked nicely for them to let your little girl use the slide, I bet they would have got out of the way.

If you'd told them off for their behaviour that would have been fine.

Instead you made unfair passive aggressive comments about their age.

As a result they will just think you were a mean butch instead of perhaps reflecting on their unfair behaviour.

Adulting failure in your part.

It wasn't very nice telling 12 year girls the park wasn't for them. They probably didn't move as you had been rude. Why did you say something that translated to 'you are not welcome here' instead of just saying 'excuse us'?

I wouldn’t argue with teens. Some 12yo carry knives nowadays. Always avoid public confrontation, especially when you have your kids with you.

You should just have directly asked the girls to move aside and let your child use the slide. They would most probably have complied. Your question to them allowed them to enter a dialogue with you, justifying themselves. Best avoid this with pre teens or teens, they like nothing better than being annoying.

What followed was these girls telling me repeatedly that they were only 12 and allowed in the park like everyone else interesting, I bet this has happened before, sounds like parroting of CF parents I'd say. I'd have actually told them to let someone else have a turn now. Bloody rude!

This 💯

Children feel so entitled these days. Far too lippy for their own good.

Next time shout "it's WATER SLIDE TIME!!!" and squirt them with water like feral cats. If they complain explain that you thought they were in the park to play.

🤣🤣🤣

Ugh, you really were horribly passive aggressive OP.

'Excuse me, I'm going to give PFB here a turn he's been waiting awhile. You might need to move over a bit. Thanks.'

At 12 they’re old enough to be considerate towards a toddler. I’d have just help dd up to the slide and asked the girls to budge over so she could go down. I’m sure they would have. No need to get stressed about it.

I told some boys of a similar age who were wizzing down the pavement on their bikes (small children and elderly people with walking aids were also using the pavement) that they needed to use the cycle path over the road. They obediently crossed over. They’re just kids.

It's really interesting that that's your takeaway from this thread.

Mine is that kids typically react in a negative way to poor adult communication.

They do sound like future CF, but yes I agree with this. You should have just asked.

Mrs Bennett, poor adult communication, are you for real? I've spent alot of time in playgrounds over the years, and I've encountered this kind of bratty entitled behaviour several times. I always start off polite, but older kids in groups are brave and bolshy and don't give a fuck. I would be mortified if my kids behaved that way.

Perrymenno, 'you might need to move over a bit' , doesn't really do the job round where I live!

Yes, I'm for real. In this instance, the OP didn't communicate effectively at all.

I usually find that, if you ask nicely and respectfully for what you want, the vast vast majority of kids/teens are generally quite obliging. If you're encountering that many bolshy ones who don't give a fuck, then that might say more about how you're approaching the matter than it does about the kids themselves.

I think people can often be a but rude or grumpy with teenagers....who are a just like giant toddlers in that they only think of themselves and of course can be very righteous when they feel wrong told off. It might be a bit annoying that they were there but if they weren't smoking, swearing or vandalising things then they were probably good kids and didn't need telling off.

I think a cheerful comment to your daughter like 'Don't worry, these big girls won't mind you sharing the slide will you girls?' Along with a big smile, would have been a much nicer approach and they would've automatically moved and encouraged your daughter on.

Exactly this! You didn't tell them off, you asked a question and then made passive aggressive remarks under your breath.

You are the grown up. All you needed to say was 'girls, could you move please so that my daughter can have a turn on the slide?'

Yeah, not my takeaway at all.
You see people waiting, you move on. Don't be disrespectful of other people's time. Don't snigger when someone asks a polite question.

They were cheeky girls who thought themselves to be clever when in fact they were just rude.