Baby only wants DP. I'm so upset.

[alwaysthesame12]

We have an 11 month old baby.
Same sex couple. I gave birth but went back to work after a really short time. My wife has had the shared parental leave.
I work 3 days per week. So I'm with the baby 4 days per week. And in the mornings, evenings and then sometimes for an hour during my working day because I work from home.

Recently the baby hasn't really been wanting me that much. She holds her hands up to my wife so much more for her to pick her ip. She cries when my partner leaves the room sometimes. This morning, I went to get her from her cot and she didn't want me to pick her up. Then as soon as she sees my wife she smiles and her hands are straight in the air.

I feel awful. I already truly regret going back to work. I wish I'd had more time off. And now I'm just so upset that the baby doesn't feel as attached to me as my wife. I know my wife has obviously spent more time with her and the baby probably depends on her more than me. I just feel truly heartbroken.

Yep very normal but as a first time parent, it can be really upsetting. My oldest DD was a complete Daddy’s girl from birth and very noticeably preferred him to me- I once walked into my Living Room and she told me to go back to the kitchen as she was taking to Daddy (she was just about to turn 2 😂). She’s almost 8 now and while still a Daddy’s girl, wants me around as well. Her younger sister is the opposite- Velcro baby and very much a Mummy’s girl from the start so swings and roundabouts.

This.

Evil aliens from Planet Baby, who ruthlessly toy with our feelings.

It is very, very hard but you just have to not mind (genuinely not mind, and I think they can tell the difference!) and it will pass - it may even reverse for a time.

I promise that this phase will pass and then they’ll be glued to you 24/7. Try not to to be anxious about it. It’s nothing to do with you going to work, they are like little dictators with their ever changing whims.

Yes same here! And now she's starting to have tantrums, DH just needs to walk into the room and she magically just snaps out of it.

It's kind of infuriating but cute really.

I'm sure (hope) it will change in a few months!

Please don't feel guilty/regret going back to work as these phases would have happened regardless, I'm proof of it!

We both called our baby "the baby" and we absolutely adored her. And I miss not being able to call her the baby now she's at school. And sometimes I do it anyway and get a massive eye roll.

They definitely go through phases, OP, first they're velcro'd to one of you and then the other. The pendulum will swing back to you again (but you're allowed to find it difficult in the meantime!).

I know how this feels, but please rest assured it’s not because you’ve went back to work. Me and my DH both WFH, I do the majority of childcare but he’s also heavily involved. My DD now three has only really now stopped pushing me away as such, it’s hurt so much at times and it’s lasted about a year. The only real things that made a change was my DH used to praise me for things, isn’t mummy great because, let’s see if mummy wants to play with us etc She recently started nursery and has really turned a corner with wanting me, although she’s still very much glued to DH. Although it’s hurtful, as others have said it is just a phase!

Very normal.

DD could wait for DH to be home and I wouldn’t get a look in, so I’d slope off an read a book! Make the most of it!

My LB, who’s 7 months always shouts on his Dad and as soon as his dad is home from work wants him right away and I’m ignored. I’m on mat leave still as well so am home with him and his Dad works full time. I try not to take it too personally but it can be hard.

Our kids all preferred me as long as I breastfed, I'm still feeding the youngest. The older 2 flipped and started to prefer my husband more, they are 7 and 5 now and have been all for daddy since I stopped around aged 2. I don't actually care too much to be honest as we have very defined roles, I'm their mum, he's their dad, he can't replace me and vice versa. In many ways I'm glad they have an amazing dad and that they worship him as they do, I'd be very upset if they just hung off me and didn't want him.

I think in a same sex couple the dynamic is very different (a few of my uni pals are lesbian and have had babies so I have noticed this sort of thing). I guess it's harder in that 1 of you isn't related, it isn't clear if you are the bio mum or just carried, I imagine if your wife is the bio mum it will feel awful in that you would feel effectively like a surrogate. But then I imagine it's hard if you are the bio mum and your baby prefers the other mum, I guess the baby hasn't got the memo that it has 2 mum's yet! Either way kids go through phases and as your baby grows an attachment with you will form like it does with any straight couple where the mum has done over a year on mat leave. With our kids the solid dad bond only appeared once they were toddlers.

All my kids are like this with DH, he hates the attention but it drives me mad that I seem to be the 'punchbag' for their anger.

Its because I'm the one thats always here though, I'm not fun because they get sick of me 24/7 but I'm also always dependably there when they do need me no matter how bad they treat me.

Thats what being a mam is... being unappreciated by the tiny humans you yourself created.

Hi OP. It’s a really hard phase but it is just a phase. My daughter (15 months) still has phases when she only wants her dad, and has had these on and off since she was tiny. She’s recently starting to want me more now. I’ve found that since going back to work, after a bit of an adjustment period, she’s wants us both equally more often, so hopefully as this becomes more of her routine, this will happen with you as well.

The phase will pass and it’s not an indication on who she loves more or less. I know it’s hard but try not to let it affect you hugs

DD was just like that...fickle with me. I was full-time teaching and she really picked up on my after work stress of planning and marking. It really is a phase and they often yo-yo from one parent to another.
Just relax a little after a stressful day before you spend time with her and she will soon be back X

@alwaysthesame12

My ds preferred my dp from about 9 months-and I was at home with him and dp worked long hours outside the home. It was awful. But it was nothing I had done, and nothing you have done. It will change-don't worry. But I feel your pain!

As others say definitely a phase ...my youngest (3.5yrs) always wants daddy to do her bedtime etc .... I think I'm lucky if I do her bedtime once a week!

On the plus side ...when we are out and she needs the toilet etc I say to her who do you want to take you mummy or daddy and she always chooses daddy 😂

Don’t agree with those questioning the use of ‘baby’. Not sure what else you’d say, and I doubt you’d use an actual real name here.

My baby is 9 months and does this with my DSD. His eyes light up when he sees him. He didn’t even want to be held by me yesterday when he was in the room. Sometimes doesn’t even look in my direction. I have also been googling and the from what I’ve read so far, it’s a phase and a healthy one because they feel secure in their attachment to you. Sending solidarity, as it does sting sometimes!

My daughter is going through this phase right now! She’s not interested in me whatsoever.
I’m trying to make the most of it because it’s so tiring when they solely want you.
It will pass.
Take care and you’re doing a great job.

When I had my second DS he used to have projective vomiting and so I stank of baby milk sick all day as I breastfed him and he vomitted on me but DH would come home in the evening and pick him up and he would be all smiling for him. It passed though. Now DS is an adult and far closer to me than my exh.

My two year old wants whichever parent she hasn't got. So to me it feels like she is constantly asking for daddy, but my husband says when I'm not there she's constantly asking for me too!

It isn't patronising at all.

All three of mine flip flopped through phases of preferring me or DH. We did laugh about it and just let them get on with it. We still can laugh about it now, 20 - 30 years later. With the perspective of hindsight, it was just normal baby behaviour.

If a grandparent appeared in the room they would change again and want nobody but them.

It can be hard at times, but it is normal and best not taken seriously.

Mine was like that and I had a year off.

Magic Dad. They go back and forth. Honestly, don’t stress over it.

SAME.

All three of them!

😂😂

was it you who wrote a post a while ago about feeling forced back to work by your partner or something along those lines???
babies are like this - it’s not because you’ve gone back to work. Please let go of that idea!! There will be many many many times when you are the hounded parent. And it won’t last. Your baby absolutely loves you please don’t take it personally xx

My granddaughter was really clingy to her dad, if he was around she had to be with him. She's now at preschool and happy with anybody

Ignore the silly fuckers picking at semantics. But yes, it’s just a phase. Mine went through this with her dad, she has several times. Honestly don’t worry about it, it’s hard but you’ll realise it’s just one of those things.