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Original poster

Would you let your 4 year old wear a bare midriff top to nursery?

172 replies

Miya24 · 31/05/2023 23:08

Received a top and short set from a bag of hand me down clothes. It's aged 3-4. My daughter loves it, it's waterproof material so it's great for water play in the garden. Nursery is having a water play day tomorrow and my daughter is desperate to wear it. It sits right above the belly button and has cold shoulders as well.
Would you send your daughter to nursery in it or would it raise a few eyebrows? I'm thinking it may be more beach wear but I have no idea. I may be overthinking but I'd love some more opinions.

Would you let your 4 year old wear a bare midriff top to nursery?
OP posts:
SparklyBlackKitten · 01/06/2023 09:10

Put a tshirt underneath

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 01/06/2023 11:21

My girls always wore loose T-shirts for nursery, mainly because they were £1.50 in primark, but also because it made the sun cream situation easier to stay on top of, so I probably wouldn't have put it on one of them.

My 9 year old now loves all things cropped, sweaters, T-shirts, sports tops. She's been wearing sports style bikinis for the last few years when on holiday/at the beach. I absolutely let her get on with it. She has never chosen to wear anything which I deem inappropriate, although I'm sure some others might.

I think it depends how people perceive certains fashions themselves. I've never put on an off the shoulder top and felt sexy.

I also don't think that what my child wears is the issue - if someone is disturbed enough to be attracted to children, they'll be attracted to them in jeans and a jumper too.

AlltheFs · 01/06/2023 11:43

When my child is a teenager she can dress as a teenager-I won’t be objecting to whatever is in fashion then if that’s what they want to wear.

At 4 it absolutely is ok for me to decide what she does/doesn’t wear. I don’t want her dressing older than her age. That’s my choice as a parent. Nursery rules though happen to be covered shoulders but that is for sunburn etc-they can’t wear a vest top either. I avoid logos and branded stuff too where I can but have conceded to some Peppa sodding Pig etc too.

7 is different to 4, 11 is different to 7, 16 is different to 11.

Phoebo · 01/06/2023 11:44

JMF83 · 01/06/2023 07:58

Crop tops are a no for me, but I'm very strict with what my children wear. I like children to look like children and not sexualised. Crop top, bikini's, short shorts etc are all a no.
I'm sure this is just me overthinking things.

Short shorts are offensive on a 4 year old?! This thread is seriously disturbing, perhaps let's just cover them from head to toe 😳

MissTrip82 · 01/06/2023 12:13

MRex · 01/06/2023 06:00

A proper swim top with long sleeves has high sun protection, which would be much better.

I also think that style is ugly and inappropriate on little girls. She's only a kid for a little while, there's really no need for sexualised clothing and it's unclear to me why you would want it for your child.

Nothing on a four year old is sexualized. This is a young child , she is never sexual, no matter what she wears. Your post is actually sick. Disgusting.

The only reason to avoid it for me is sun protection.

Mydusa · 01/06/2023 12:17

No, she needs shoulders and tummy covered for what's likely to be a full day playing in the sun. I would let her wear it over a rash vest.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 01/06/2023 12:30

No.

roarfeckingroarr · 01/06/2023 12:33

Absolutely not.

Poopgal · 01/06/2023 12:47

chortler · 01/06/2023 07:58

Good luck to some of these parents when their child hits the teenage years and they can't control what they wear.

Must be tough living with all that internalised misogyny every day….

Poopgal · 01/06/2023 12:51

SparklyBlackKitten · 01/06/2023 09:10

Trashy 🤐

Did you just call an adorable child’s top with cartoon fruit on it trashy? 😂

SURELY this thread and the pearl clutching is one big joke right?

LolaSmiles · 01/06/2023 15:13

Phoebo
On a slight tangent from your post, it does bother me that from a young age girls' clothes are cut substantially different from boys' clothes.
The shorts are usually shorter, and tighter, often hinder movement than the boys' clothing. There's often more embellishments and ruffles and things that will get in the way when playing. Tops are also cut tighter as well.

Clothing aimed at girls will usually have prey animals on it, whereas clothing aimed at girls tends to have predator animals.

Slogans on clothes for girls tends to be focused on being kind, dreaming, looking pretty, being passive. Slogans aimed at boys tend to focus on boys having agency and doing things (and problematically also being boisterous and tough).

I do think there's a lot of drip drip drip on how girls, and in turn women, are socialised and the way clothes are marketed at young girls is part of it.

Cam22 · 01/06/2023 15:30

No way.

Hannahsbananas · 01/06/2023 15:32

No. But then I’d never have bought it in the first place, it’s awful.

LlynTegid · 01/06/2023 16:37

No, indeed not to school when they are older.

Phoebo · 01/06/2023 20:57

LolaSmiles · 01/06/2023 15:13

Phoebo
On a slight tangent from your post, it does bother me that from a young age girls' clothes are cut substantially different from boys' clothes.
The shorts are usually shorter, and tighter, often hinder movement than the boys' clothing. There's often more embellishments and ruffles and things that will get in the way when playing. Tops are also cut tighter as well.

Clothing aimed at girls will usually have prey animals on it, whereas clothing aimed at girls tends to have predator animals.

Slogans on clothes for girls tends to be focused on being kind, dreaming, looking pretty, being passive. Slogans aimed at boys tend to focus on boys having agency and doing things (and problematically also being boisterous and tough).

I do think there's a lot of drip drip drip on how girls, and in turn women, are socialised and the way clothes are marketed at young girls is part of it.

I agree with you on this, both on girls and boys clothes. Very noticeable when shopping.

MumsPett · 01/06/2023 21:03

No my child doesn’t have any clothes like that and I wouldn’t buy them either.

LolaSmiles · 01/06/2023 21:14

I agree with you on this, both on girls and boys clothes. Very noticeable when shopping
It really is.
It's definitely interesting that boys don't have clothes marketed at them with half the sleeves missing and their stomachs out, but that's the elephant in the room when it comes to talking about children's clothing.

It's like girls clothes are priming them for women's clothing, and the same sort of pattern is there re clothing coverage on men/women's clothing, clothing with bits missing in men/women's clothing, practical and durable materials in men's clothing Vs poorer quality items in women's clothing because women are expected to keep shopping the trends, women's clothing having more embellishments and impractical details/poor fit.

It feels really uncomfortable to say that children are being sexualised, but there's definitely fairly strong message setting about what the sexes are expected to conform to, which is then reinforced by adults who don't see it and insist there's nothing wrong with it. It doesn't seem a coincidence to me.

Jellos · 01/06/2023 21:21

I’d absolutely send her to nursery in this if it’s warm enough and they’re doing water play, so she will no doubt get changed after anyway.

It looks a bit chavy so I’d rather it was worn at nursery than out and about. I saved all the worst clothes for nursery as it was then okay when they got stained etc.

Phoebo · 01/06/2023 22:12

LolaSmiles · 01/06/2023 21:14

I agree with you on this, both on girls and boys clothes. Very noticeable when shopping
It really is.
It's definitely interesting that boys don't have clothes marketed at them with half the sleeves missing and their stomachs out, but that's the elephant in the room when it comes to talking about children's clothing.

It's like girls clothes are priming them for women's clothing, and the same sort of pattern is there re clothing coverage on men/women's clothing, clothing with bits missing in men/women's clothing, practical and durable materials in men's clothing Vs poorer quality items in women's clothing because women are expected to keep shopping the trends, women's clothing having more embellishments and impractical details/poor fit.

It feels really uncomfortable to say that children are being sexualised, but there's definitely fairly strong message setting about what the sexes are expected to conform to, which is then reinforced by adults who don't see it and insist there's nothing wrong with it. It doesn't seem a coincidence to me.

Yes, that's a very good point. I think it makes me uncomfortable to restrict what a little 4 year old wears as I don't think a 4 year old can be sexualised and it would concern me to start to think in this way. But equally I do see your point. Not sure what the right answer is.
I also think both girl and boy stereotypes are equally damaging

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2023 00:25

summerfinn · 01/06/2023 08:16

I honestly think some people on here and in real life don't realise how inappropriate it is to dress kids in belly tops ect The reasoning behind why it's inappropriate without spelling it out. But I guess if you think mini skirts and bikini tops on children is fine then there is no point in saying anything it's a lost cause.!

If there's a paedophile working at the nursery or peering through the fence, I don't think shoulders and a flash of tummy is going to make a child more vulnerable than the kids showing arms and shins. She's showing no more arm than she would in a sun dress and less tummy than doing a cartwheel in a sundress with shorts on.

MegaManic · 02/06/2023 00:47

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think it's fine op if you put plenty of sun-cream on her under it. She loves it, it's not indecent so who cares. What are you worried about - that someone will judge you. It's not harmful and your child loves it, why not just let her.

It's not something I personally would choose but I do remember a couple of items of clothes I had as a child that I loved so much - in hindsight they were awful but I felt amazing in them.

MrsMikeDrop · 02/06/2023 01:54

@summerfinn Spell it out please. Do people think it's bad because it's teaching young girls to dress "slutty" or is it because they think paedos are looking at them?

Whatwouldyoudo24 · 02/06/2023 06:14

My 4yo has a few tops that are a bit cropped that she loves so when she wants to wear them I pair them with high waisted skirts/shorts etc so that her stomach is still fully covered

chortler · 02/06/2023 07:09

I bet if a boy said he wanted to go to pre school in this then the thread would be full of posters saying of course, he should be able to express his individuality.

Hairbrushhandle · 02/06/2023 07:11

chortler · 02/06/2023 07:09

I bet if a boy said he wanted to go to pre school in this then the thread would be full of posters saying of course, he should be able to express his individuality.

Nope..still needs shoulders covered. Especially with wet play when suncream is likely to wash off after 10 mins of being soaked.