Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teens having sex in the next room

125 replies

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 17:39

My son and his girlfriend both live with us (both 18), their bedroom is next to mine.

The last couple of weeks I’ve heard them having sex. I don’t want to hear this. I wear ear buds to bed and turn the volume up. I obviously don’t want to say anything to them as they’ll be embarrassed.

I just wondered if other parents have had to deal with this? Is just ignore the best option?

OP posts:
PinedApple · 31/05/2023 17:55

Maybe a quiet word with your son (alone rather than including the gf) just to let him know - I think you could be vague and just say the walls are quite thin could you try to keep it down? You deserve some peace and quiet in your own home!!

SirenSays · 31/05/2023 17:59

Tell them to keep the noise down beforehand

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 31/05/2023 18:03

"night everyone, keep the noise down please, the walls are thin"

It doesn't have to be a big sit-down conversation.

TheSnowyOwl · 31/05/2023 18:05

Just let them know. I very much doubt they want you be able to hear anymore than you want to hear them.

AliMonkey · 31/05/2023 18:05

Choices are (a) you say nothing, you find it embarrassing and if they ever find out you could hear them multiple times they will be really embarrassed, or (b) you say to your son now something like "by the way, the walls are quite thin and I can hear quite a lot from your bedroom, and I'm sure we'd both rather that I couldn't" then walk off so he knows he doesn't have to respond, as that would be more embarrassing for both of you.

lousong · 31/05/2023 18:07

I would just say how you heard them talking late and could they not.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 31/05/2023 18:10

Change the title of the WiFi.

BTMadmummy · 31/05/2023 18:14

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 31/05/2023 18:10

Change the title of the WiFi.

🤣🤣 winning reply

IWantToVote · 31/05/2023 18:22

Just tell your son that you don't want to hear them having sex.

I had to do that with one of my kids. It wasn't particularly embarrassing. I didn't see why I should be embarrassed, I wasn't the one having sex loud enough for my Mum to hear.

I was straightforward with what I said. I can't remember exactly what it was but it was something along the lines of 'Can you be more considerate of other people in the house. I don't want to hear you having sex'
Said adult child wasn't particularly embarrassed either but I never heard them again. Thank goodness.

willWillSmithsmith · 31/05/2023 18:32

I’d be quite open about it. I’d say to my son hey keep the noise down. He’d probably be embarrassed but at least they’d be quieter. I don’t see any need to tiptoe around it. Put a bit of humour into it if it helps.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 18:33

Tell him! He should be embarrassed because he's not being very considerate.

If they can't keep the volume down then they'll need to find somewhere else to shag. If they want to do it in a comfy bed in his room, then they need to learn to be quieter.

JulieHoney · 31/05/2023 18:34

“Honey, the walls are thinner than you think and sound carries. Please bear that in mind when X visits.”

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

good replies- thanks all, I don’t think my son would be embarrassed but I know gf would (and he would tell her) if I was direct about it. I’ll keep it light and breezy with something like keep the noise down I’m up early in the morning for work or I sometimes hear you talking late at night so keep it down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 18:33

Tell him! He should be embarrassed because he's not being very considerate.

If they can't keep the volume down then they'll need to find somewhere else to shag. If they want to do it in a comfy bed in his room, then they need to learn to be quieter.

It’s far more her being noisy than him, I think he is trying to be considerate

OP posts:
lailamaria · 31/05/2023 18:42

well at least there's not loads of people banging on about how it's your house and 'it's really not on' and they should go shag in a car instead

Littlemissprosecco · 31/05/2023 18:43

🤣🤣🤣
Bang on the wall!

Newusernameaug · 31/05/2023 18:43

I’d 100% tell them and I have a 19 yr old son.
He told me when he heard me once before.

you should try and normalise these sorts of conversations to keep lines of communication open. I know my son can come to me with anything, and he regularly does, whereas I could sadly never speak to my mum about stuff.

TooJoy · 31/05/2023 18:44

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 31/05/2023 18:03

"night everyone, keep the noise down please, the walls are thin"

It doesn't have to be a big sit-down conversation.

I like this.

Its not directly saying you can hear them having sex but it will make him think about what you can hear.

If they start getting loud then cough and turn over in your bed so they think they’re waking you up.

Sarahtm35 · 31/05/2023 18:45

I wouldn’t let my 18 year old daughter live with her boyfriend. I would be blunt with them and say “I can hear you having sexual intercourse, please be more respectful to those you live with thanks”
and as a side note make sure they’re using BC or you’ll end up with a screaming baby in the next room.

Newusernameaug · 31/05/2023 18:45

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

It’s far more her being noisy than him, I think he is trying to be considerate

Show quote history

Well then you need to explain to him, he’s in charge of his guests and to ensure his guests meet house boundaries / expectations.

please don’t make this a ‘her’ issue and not your son. If he’s able to have sex with her, he’s able to say, keep it down and be respectful to my mum!

Ponderingwindow · 31/05/2023 18:47

Since you have decided to let them live there, this one is on you.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 18:48

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

It’s far more her being noisy than him, I think he is trying to be considerate

Show quote history

You still tell him.

I can hear you both when you are having sex. I don't mind you sharing a bed together when you're here, but I do mind having to listen to all the noise you make. Please can both of you be quieter, because if you can't then <GF name> won't be welcome to stay here overnight.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 31/05/2023 18:57

sarah they are hopefully NT adults and have got birth control covered.
Talk to him on his own and keep it simple, she'll be told if he's any sort of decent man.

IWantToVote · 31/05/2023 18:59

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

good replies- thanks all, I don’t think my son would be embarrassed but I know gf would (and he would tell her) if I was direct about it. I’ll keep it light and breezy with something like keep the noise down I’m up early in the morning for work or I sometimes hear you talking late at night so keep it down.

Why be so wishy washy. Just tell him. You don't have to use the word 'sex' if it's a problem but you need to make it clear what you are talking about.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 31/05/2023 19:00

cream she's not randomly staying over night OP says the couple live with her. If she ousts the gf it could cause problems with her son.
No point causing agro when a simple convo should sort things out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread