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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teens having sex in the next room

125 replies

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 17:39

My son and his girlfriend both live with us (both 18), their bedroom is next to mine.

The last couple of weeks I’ve heard them having sex. I don’t want to hear this. I wear ear buds to bed and turn the volume up. I obviously don’t want to say anything to them as they’ll be embarrassed.

I just wondered if other parents have had to deal with this? Is just ignore the best option?

OP posts:
BTMadmummy · 31/05/2023 20:42

CloudlessSunnyDays · 31/05/2023 20:36

I see this posted a lot, and I'm a bit confused. I never see/notice seeing my wifi title, my devices just work when I'm home. Seamlessly.

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If you change it everyone has to reconnect

CloudlessSunnyDays · 31/05/2023 20:53

BTMadmummy · 31/05/2023 20:42

If you change it everyone has to reconnect

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@BTMadmummy thanks

I hadn't thought about that 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 31/05/2023 20:59

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 31/05/2023 18:03

"night everyone, keep the noise down please, the walls are thin"

It doesn't have to be a big sit-down conversation.

This!

Garrard · 31/05/2023 21:08

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 20:26

The arrangement is out of necessity for her own protection. There’s no other girl friends on the horizon so not an issue. If in the future if this happens we’ll cross that bridge if we need to.

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I think you're involving yourself in a large and very unpleasant can of worms in that case. What are you going to do if your son decides he no longer wants a girlfriend, or if he meets someone else? Relationships of 18 yr olds are not that likely to last. I know someone will now say they have been married for 78 million years to the boyfriend they had at 13, but generally, they don't last.

My children are a bit older than yours, and I have had to help their friends out on many occasions (I dare say their friends' parents have helped them out, too). But having an 18 yr old girlfriend living with you full time is full of pitfalls. I'd be trying to help them to move into a house-share together. In any case, surely they want some privacy and to do the things that young people would normally do at university?

girlfriend44 · 31/05/2023 21:11

They must realise you can here them.

Susuwatariandkodama · 31/05/2023 21:16

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 20:17

Because some of us with older children who were once 18 could not have even begun to think of this arrangement. It's an invasion of your privacy and enabling a relationship that is probably not going to last (so how many girlfriends will he bring home to share your house?)

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That’s not how things always go though.
My DH moved into my parents within 6 months of us dating, we were 19, by 22 we were in our own place, married and had our first baby.
We’ve been together 15 years now.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/05/2023 21:17

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

It’s far more her being noisy than him, I think he is trying to be considerate

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On the plus side, you raised your son well enough that he cares to ensure that his gf enjoys the experience.

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 21:18

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/05/2023 21:17

On the plus side, you raised your son well enough that he cares to ensure that his gf enjoys the experience.

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🤣

OP posts:
Truestorypeeps · 31/05/2023 21:23

Give a 'OOOH YEAHHHH' back at them, they'll get the message 🤣

WildFlowerBees · 31/05/2023 21:26

Bang on the wall and ask if his gf needs an ambulance.

Be honest, I can hear you having sex and I'd rather not so could you keep the noise down.

Deadringer · 31/05/2023 21:29
Ross Gellar GIF

Send them this

cestlavielife · 31/05/2023 21:35

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

good replies- thanks all, I don’t think my son would be embarrassed but I know gf would (and he would tell her) if I was direct about it. I’ll keep it light and breezy with something like keep the noise down I’m up early in the morning for work or I sometimes hear you talking late at night so keep it down.

It s not the tallking tho is it?
Be straight up
I can hear you having sex / your moans are way too loud
Plesse Try to be quieter, or do this when i am out of the house

SlightlyJaded · 31/05/2023 21:44

Draw a massive cock on his wall inside a red circle with a line through it.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 21:46

The arrangement is out of necessity for her own protection. There’s no other girl friends on the horizon so not an issue. If in the future if this happens [ the relationship ends] we’ll cross that bridge if we need to.

Really? So she has no safe home with her own parents? You say she has no girlfriends to help out. Other family? Grandparents? Aunts, uncles etc?

You have got into something with good intentions but it's not sensible. it's not your role to provide care for her as a kind of step-parent (when she's dating your son.)

As a PP pointed out, if they split up then what next?
Your son must feel an obligation to 'keep her safe' and if their relationship goes belly up, he will be in a very difficult situation.

You've actually put your son in the role of her 'carer' by default.

If she is just 18 then SS should have stepped in while she was still at school.

I think noisy sex is the least of your problems.

By housing a vulnerable young woman you are preventing her getting proper help and support.

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 21:50

SlightlyJaded · 31/05/2023 21:44

Draw a massive cock on his wall inside a red circle with a line through it.

This is brilliant, they’d find this hilarious 😂

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 31/05/2023 21:50

It's a bit of a difficult one really because surely it's inevitable at some stage you'll all hear each other. Now if I was staying over at a friends house, or visiting a relative, I'd either give it a miss or have a very quiet quickie....but he lives with you....with his girlfriend.
Do they hear you? If not, maybe don't say anything, just you and your OH make loud 'sex' noises one eve and see what they say.

MrsJBaptiste · 31/05/2023 21:54

FromDespairToHere · 31/05/2023 20:31

When my DD's now ex used to stay over I told her that if I ever heard anything I would do one of two things: if my own DP was there we would start making more noise than them. If he wasn't then I would start singing Onward Christian Soldiers at the top of my voice 😄

@FromDespairToHere This is by far the funniest thing I've read one here in a long time! 😂 😂 😂

Ponderingwindow · 31/05/2023 21:58

this young woman is not being protected. She now has to keep your son happy or she loses her housing. She is incredibly vulnerable, possibly more vulnerable than she was in her original situation.

i’m nearly 50 and I still have regular nightmares where I find myself living with my abusive parents again, not being abused, just living on their house is enough of a nightmare, but providing her housing dependent on a romantic relationship is not a solution.

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 22:02

Ponderingwindow · 31/05/2023 21:58

this young woman is not being protected. She now has to keep your son happy or she loses her housing. She is incredibly vulnerable, possibly more vulnerable than she was in her original situation.

i’m nearly 50 and I still have regular nightmares where I find myself living with my abusive parents again, not being abused, just living on their house is enough of a nightmare, but providing her housing dependent on a romantic relationship is not a solution.

Please stop speculating, you know nothing about this situation and you’re trying to make this thread about something you want to talk about.

if you want to talk about other stuff start your own thread

OP posts:
GladitooktheHighRoad · 31/05/2023 22:11

Just tell them you can hear everything and they need to keep the noise down.
They can’t be that embarrassed about it or they’d keep it down.
Hope they’re washing they’re own sheets too 🙃

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 22:12

GladitooktheHighRoad · 31/05/2023 22:11

Just tell them you can hear everything and they need to keep the noise down.
They can’t be that embarrassed about it or they’d keep it down.
Hope they’re washing they’re own sheets too 🙃

Yes totally washing their own bedding- I ensure there is clean bedding put in their room at least once a week so they can change the bed.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 31/05/2023 22:13

Littlemissprosecco · 31/05/2023 18:43

🤣🤣🤣
Bang on the wall!

Cheer and give a round of applause when they've finished, '2 minutes longer than last night, well done', they will soon get the message.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 31/05/2023 22:18

Haha - our DS’s bedroom is next to the living room. We go and watch TV in bed when his GF stays over. 🥴
I know I should tell him, but I can’t, I just can’t!

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 31/05/2023 22:18

Deadringer · 31/05/2023 21:29

Send them this

I actually did snort a drink down my nose!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/05/2023 22:19

Just tell him; if they are old enough to have sex they are old enough to talk about it.