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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teens having sex in the next room

125 replies

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 17:39

My son and his girlfriend both live with us (both 18), their bedroom is next to mine.

The last couple of weeks I’ve heard them having sex. I don’t want to hear this. I wear ear buds to bed and turn the volume up. I obviously don’t want to say anything to them as they’ll be embarrassed.

I just wondered if other parents have had to deal with this? Is just ignore the best option?

OP posts:

Dorisbonson · 31/05/2023 22:22

Why do people put up with thin walls? It doesn't cost a fortune to put insulation up.

Original poster

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 22:23

Dorisbonson · 31/05/2023 22:22

Why do people put up with thin walls? It doesn't cost a fortune to put insulation up.

Err we don’t have thin walls

OP posts:

Dorisbonson · 31/05/2023 22:25

Sounds like you do really. Two layers of tecsound and insulated plasterboard or 100mm of insulation roll helps.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/05/2023 22:33

Dorisbonson · 31/05/2023 22:25

Sounds like you do really. Two layers of tecsound and insulated plasterboard or 100mm of insulation roll helps.

Or the young'uns can keep it down and then the OP doesn't have to lose a minimum four inch strip of one of her rooms to insulation. I have extra insulation on my party wall and it mucks up the electric sockets because the cables are too deep in the wall.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/05/2023 22:34

Dorisbonson · 31/05/2023 22:25

Sounds like you do really. Two layers of tecsound and insulated plasterboard or 100mm of insulation roll helps.

Or the young'uns can keep it down and then the OP doesn't have to lose a minimum four inch strip off the edge of the floor area of one of her rooms to insulation. I have extra insulation on my party wall and it mucks up the electric sockets because the cables are too deep in the wall.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/05/2023 22:35

ffs mobile browser

Sprinkles211 · 31/05/2023 22:35

Just have loud sex yourself one night before they get chance guarantee you will get the point across 🤣

Hawkins0001 · 31/05/2023 22:38

@Plumspearsbanana
You could always shout, bravo bravo

DeadbeatYoda · 31/05/2023 22:40

Bang on the wall and tell them to keep it down. Repeat each time until they learn to be more considerate.

brunettemic · 31/05/2023 22:57

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 18:33

Tell him! He should be embarrassed because he's not being very considerate.

If they can't keep the volume down then they'll need to find somewhere else to shag. If they want to do it in a comfy bed in his room, then they need to learn to be quieter.

Maybe he IS being very considerate, hence the noise? 😉😂

PopcorningPancakingWheeking · 31/05/2023 22:58

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 31/05/2023 18:03

"night everyone, keep the noise down please, the walls are thin"

It doesn't have to be a big sit-down conversation.

I like the sound of this. Non confrontational, no blushing.

ballsdeep · 31/05/2023 23:00

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 18:40

good replies- thanks all, I don’t think my son would be embarrassed but I know gf would (and he would tell her) if I was direct about it. I’ll keep it light and breezy with something like keep the noise down I’m up early in the morning for work or I sometimes hear you talking late at night so keep it down.

If she was that embarrassed she wouldn’t be having sex loud enough for her bf mother ear through a wall, ear plugs and loud tv!!

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 01/06/2023 08:31

I find it slightly odd that she would be embarrassed to be told to be quieter, but clearly feels uninhibited enough to pant/sigh/moan/scream when in the moment.

However I think there's more to unpack here with the GF living there, and them sharing a room together FT, which feels very inappropriate given their ages and the GF's vulnerable housing situation. But OP's made it clear she wants no discussion on that point....

towriteyoumustlive · 01/06/2023 08:41

Have loud sex yourself or have some fun with a dildo to make the point if they can hear you then you can hear them...

Justlovedogs · 01/06/2023 08:52

I've scan read the thread, but some of the replies - projecting, much?
OP - you or his dad have a quiet word. Had the same situation when I was 18 and then BF (now DH) was 21. They (she) just may not realise how much can be heard. Yes, they'll be embarrassed but it's your house and you're entitled to a good sleep. In my case, that conversation happened some 30+ years ago, I've never forgotten it and we now laugh about it.

SparklyBlackKitten · 01/06/2023 09:09

Make the same noises back at them
Really... really... loud

I would 🤭

Or just tell them

Guys i can hear you guys through the walls when you have sex

keep it down or no more sleepovers

Xrays · 01/06/2023 09:21

I know people will come on and have a moan at me for being some sort of pearl clutcher for this but I can’t understand why people allow their teenage kids to have their girlfriends/ boyfriends sleep over, let alone live with them. I’ve got a dd aged 20 and she’s never been able to have anyone sleep over except for the odd group sleepover as a young kid. I just feel really strongly that this is my house, I don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my own home around people I don’t know very well or who aren’t my own family and when dd moves out it’s one of the rights of passage that she can do what she likes. There’s no way I’m going to be lying there trying to sleep or relax listening to my dc getting it away with someone. Dd and I are very close, we have a great relationship but I think our views on this encouraged her to go to university as she knew she’d have more freedom! And that’s a good thing. Even if she hadn’t been able to go to university or hadn’t wanted to I’d still have the same views.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 01/06/2023 09:25

AliMonkey · 31/05/2023 18:05

Choices are (a) you say nothing, you find it embarrassing and if they ever find out you could hear them multiple times they will be really embarrassed, or (b) you say to your son now something like "by the way, the walls are quite thin and I can hear quite a lot from your bedroom, and I'm sure we'd both rather that I couldn't" then walk off so he knows he doesn't have to respond, as that would be more embarrassing for both of you.

This

lailamaria · 01/06/2023 09:30

@Xrays that's good for you but that's obviously how you differ from op then, my mum let us have sleepovers 16+ you'd probably tell her off if you ever met her, she could also be a right fuddy duddy about other things like drinking or suchlike

Xrays · 01/06/2023 10:08

lailamaria · 01/06/2023 09:30

I guess we’re all different. My mum was really liberal with me - I was basically allowed to do what I liked, drank alcohol and went clubbing all night from a young age, was allowed to bring people back etc. I grew up in a really rough area of south london, so I’m not fuddy duddy at all. I guess in some ways I don’t want my dd to make the same mistakes as me. I am not strict in other ways though - from about 16ish she was allowed to go out and have a life (!) and as an adult of course she can do whatever she likes but I really value having my own space at home and I won’t share that with anyone apart from family. I think there’s a lot of pressure on parents to just agree to teens having people over but it’s absolutely fine to just say no and I think it’s important people realise that there are people out there like me who do do that!

Mangogogogo · 01/06/2023 10:13

Littlemissprosecco · 31/05/2023 18:43

🤣🤣🤣
Bang on the wall!

This is what I was thinking!! I’d have been banging on the wall from the first noise!

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/06/2023 17:38

My DCs never had anyone to sleep over (in the same room) until they were in their 30s and living with the person. And as one DC has a single bed in their room, they sleep in separate rooms anyway if they visit. This was their choice.

I couldnt even begin to imagine teenagers having loud sex in my house. It's just not how we behave. I've never ever had sex in my parent's house when we've stayed over. It's just cringy and impolite.

I know the OP doesn't want to discuss why this girlfriend is staying with them as some kind of 'safe house' but on the surface (as a few of us have said here)it doesn't seem sensible. If her boyfriend dumps her, she's on her own presumably and homeless. What a weight for two young people to shoulder!

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/06/2023 17:39

I'm with you on this @Xrays

user01082312345 · 01/06/2023 17:56

speakout · 31/05/2023 19:36

Not a pearl clutcher but I wouldn't allow my 18 year old to cohabit with their teenge partner in my home.
Why would anyone open their doors to another random teenager to stay?
I have no issue with my adult children having company on the odd occasion, and if that involves sex in the privacy of the bedroom, then I can turn up the TV.
But I don't have space or headroom for a lively couple in my home, hoggjng kitchen, bathroom and having noisy sex.
If they are old enough to cohabit then they are old enough to pay their own rent elsewhere.

This!

If they really want to live together, they should save money and find a place of their own. My brother and his now wife dated long distance for over a year when he lived in Norwich and she in London. If the relationship is strong, then a couple doesn't have to be living together to stay together.

lailamaria · 02/06/2023 15:31

@oldblighty27 but then when posters mention their child is in a long distance relationship it's choruses of 'they're too young' or 'they should live a little' same with teen relationships that have been together since they were 14, i don't see the problem of them having sex, it's op's house she just wants them to be quieter

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