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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teens having sex in the next room

125 replies

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 17:39

My son and his girlfriend both live with us (both 18), their bedroom is next to mine.

The last couple of weeks I’ve heard them having sex. I don’t want to hear this. I wear ear buds to bed and turn the volume up. I obviously don’t want to say anything to them as they’ll be embarrassed.

I just wondered if other parents have had to deal with this? Is just ignore the best option?

OP posts:
DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 19:52

speakout · 31/05/2023 19:36

Not a pearl clutcher but I wouldn't allow my 18 year old to cohabit with their teenge partner in my home.
Why would anyone open their doors to another random teenager to stay?
I have no issue with my adult children having company on the odd occasion, and if that involves sex in the privacy of the bedroom, then I can turn up the TV.
But I don't have space or headroom for a lively couple in my home, hoggjng kitchen, bathroom and having noisy sex.
If they are old enough to cohabit then they are old enough to pay their own rent elsewhere.

Agree 100%.

Why are her parents allowing her to live with you? (assuming she has parents.)

The only partners my DCs brought home to stay were their long term partners they ended up buying homes with.

No way at 18 would they have lived with us (not applicable as they had left home for uni) but definitely would not allow this.

BrutusMcDogface · 31/05/2023 19:53

CovetedAsFuck · 31/05/2023 19:19

This post reminded me of the MNer whose GP called condoms "the sheath"

I'm imagining it with extra-clear enunciation: "I can hear you having sex-u-al in-ter-course"

Show quote history

😂

speakout · 31/05/2023 19:54

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 19:47

Maybe not what you want to hear, but why are they living with you?

I'd never have allowed that in a million years - for the very reason you say.

If they are old enough to live as a couple and they work, they are old enough to rent a place of their own (or live at home, single until they can.)

At 18 it is unlikely they will remain a couple forever ( they just might) so is he going to be allowed to live with every girlfriend he has in your home?

I agree.
It is more to do with the living arrangements than the fact they are having sex or making a noise.
Seems they are having adult priviledges - living with each other as a couple within a family home- and having the benefits of being children.
They can't expect both.
II they want to be grown ups then that means they can be grown up enough to get their own place.

MsRosley · 31/05/2023 19:54

No bloody way I want to hear my kids having sex, any more than they would want to hear me at it with my DH. Somehow we've all managed not to put anyone else through that particular trauma over the years.

Just tell them straight.

BrutusMcDogface · 31/05/2023 19:54

Do what my housemate at uni did and write a note on the fridge saying “Brutus, please have quieter sex in future!”
😂

icelollycraving · 31/05/2023 19:55

Shout sevennnnn like Len on Strictly.

scoobydoo1971 · 31/05/2023 19:59

If it was me listening to the zoo next door, I would get into Meg Ryan mode from 'When Harry met Sally'...then start laughing. They won't do it again!!

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 20:01

CovetedAsFuck · 31/05/2023 19:19

This post reminded me of the MNer whose GP called condoms "the sheath"

I'm imagining it with extra-clear enunciation: "I can hear you having sex-u-al in-ter-course"

Show quote history

'Coitus' surely Grin

Garrard · 31/05/2023 20:03

Don't pussyfoot - tell them straight that you can hear them.

Never mind the girlfriend being embarrassed - if she's living with you, she can be treated like the rest of the family.

Why is she living with you, anyway?

JenWillsiam · 31/05/2023 20:04

play a sex tape at the same time louder.

Jk987 · 31/05/2023 20:04

I understand them staying over but why do they live together at only 18 in your house? If they're that committed they should rent a room in a house share. You shouldn't have to put up with the sex noises!

viques · 31/05/2023 20:09

Mischance · 31/05/2023 19:08

I'd be totally pissed off with this after no doubt decades of striving for silent sex in order not to upset son when he was young!! His turn to suffer!!

A very valid point.

Tots678 · 31/05/2023 20:09

How can you not know that your gasps/squeals/ banging headboard, squeaking springs aren't heard by the others in the house.
Of course they might be.
If they were going to bed at 1am when they think you are asleep maybe excuse it but otherwise - I'd do a bit of the same - Meg Ryan in when Harry met Sally.

I think they'll be horrified that his DP's have sex but they are old enough to expect that surely.

Bluebells1970 · 31/05/2023 20:11

Jesus wept, some of these replies. Our DC were all welcome to have their BF's stay over once they were 18, I'd far rather they experimented at home in a bed than in the back of car. Just tell him you can hear them and whilst you're very happy he's in a relationship and doing what's normal, some things need to stay private!

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 20:13

Why are some asking why gf is living with us? Sorry can’t see the connection with the op

OP posts:
DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 20:14

Sorry but this situation is of your own making OP.

I can't get my head around an 18 year old girl's family allowing her to live with her boyfriend's family (presumably free of charge) when they are legally adults and could get a room in a house share.

As PP said, they are being provided for as children but with all the perks of adults (but without the responsibility.)

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 20:17

Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 20:13

Why are some asking why gf is living with us? Sorry can’t see the connection with the op

Because some of us with older children who were once 18 could not have even begun to think of this arrangement. It's an invasion of your privacy and enabling a relationship that is probably not going to last (so how many girlfriends will he bring home to share your house?)

Rosebel · 31/05/2023 20:22

Littlemissprosecco · 31/05/2023 18:43

🤣🤣🤣
Bang on the wall!

My mum actually did that to my brother. Tbf they were really noisy and she tried the light and breezy way first. When nothing changed she started banging on the wall. I was about 14 at the time and I certainly didn't want to hear my brother having sex!

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 31/05/2023 20:25

This happened with Dd and her Bf once, only once as I later told her I'd heard and could I have a repeat!
Just tell them ffs.

Original poster
Plumspearsbanana · 31/05/2023 20:26

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 20:17

Because some of us with older children who were once 18 could not have even begun to think of this arrangement. It's an invasion of your privacy and enabling a relationship that is probably not going to last (so how many girlfriends will he bring home to share your house?)

Show quote history

The arrangement is out of necessity for her own protection. There’s no other girl friends on the horizon so not an issue. If in the future if this happens we’ll cross that bridge if we need to.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 31/05/2023 20:31

Just be honest. "I can hear you having sex, tell gf to keep it down"

FromDespairToHere · 31/05/2023 20:31

When my DD's now ex used to stay over I told her that if I ever heard anything I would do one of two things: if my own DP was there we would start making more noise than them. If he wasn't then I would start singing Onward Christian Soldiers at the top of my voice 😄

Notimeforaname · 31/05/2023 20:31

You've felt uncomfortable a few times now, they can feel uncomfortable once. Then it should stop.

CloudlessSunnyDays · 31/05/2023 20:36

BTMadmummy · 31/05/2023 18:14

🤣🤣 winning reply

Show quote history

I see this posted a lot, and I'm a bit confused. I never see/notice seeing my wifi title, my devices just work when I'm home. Seamlessly.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 31/05/2023 20:39

Do as a previous poster suggested, but don't wait until the time it's happening, just send him a text while he's out in the day, and say 'I heard you two shagging last night, in future can you tell GF to keep the noise down, after all, you wouldn't like it if you could hear me and your Dad doing it!!!' That should do the trick, and he doesn't have to comment unless he wants to, hence saving you all embarrassment.