Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

I think it was more that ambitious young professionals wanted to meet people with sexy jobs who they could milk for kudos and favours. A poor reflection on them, definitely not a slight on librarians! It saved me from many a social climbing user back in the day.

I knew someone who used to say "I work for GCHQ but I'm not allowed to tell you what I do." Cue everyone wondering. If he'd said I'm an administrator in the civil service nobody would have asked anything else.

@BlackberrySky I’ll remember that if I ever get tempted to pretend I’ve got a sexy job. I’ll stick to the books 😊

Eh? I love finding out what people do because it's sometimes really interesting! And can give you a sense of who they are. Some people have the most random or surprising jobs. And for me, it's nothing to do with ranking anyone.

Had no idea that people dont like this question, eek.

Yes, I agree with this. I would say that I don't judge, but really evaluate what I might have in common with someone new I am talking to.

I wonder if the posters on here who are complaining that asking means being judged is because that’s what they do themselves? If you judge by own standards then maybe that’s why you (not you personally of course) are offended by the question?

I agree with you @willWillSmithsmith

Someone ought to tell Bradley Walsh as not only does he ask everyone on The Chase he doesn’t listen. He asked someone today and she said she wasn’t working and his next question was “when you’re not working what do you do in your spare time”.

Plutonium7000
I'm also really interested. There's things my friends do that I find really interesting.

You must be very high up the social ladder if you’ve been inundated with social climbing users. At least having average jobs with average salaries has saved me all that bother😁

Not at all - I am talking about being a young professional in 1990s London. There were quite a few people my age at the time (ie mid twenties, recently graduated) who were really only interested in talking to people who had jobs they judged to be high career potential that might help them progress themselves. I didn't like many of them.

I hate this question too, I'm a stay at home but that answer is never enough. Oh, what did you do before that?

I got asked about my educational background. That was in a social setting. I was surprised

Of course we all have thoughts about people and make judgements, but for most of us it is a fleeting thing - we don't spend hours/days/months re-hashing it in our minds. Seriously, a lot of people on MN need to get over themselves, they think they are so important that others are constantly judging them and thinking about them all the time. As I've said previously, MN seems to attract the socially inept! It really isn't a funny thing to believe - however, I don't live in the UK and I suspect that maybe there is more judging going on there, due to class issues etc.

Well now you've stolen one of my small chat lines, it's hard enough chatting to people post covid we all seem to be out of practice!

Honestly OP why are you letting something like that get to you? If someone is judging you poorly then that sounds like a them problem not a you one.

I find it funny when people find out what I do...it's very niche and sometimes a conversation stopper although not as much as when I was a funeral director, I think some people thought I had a magic powers and would kill them off there and then.... probably didn't help when I got the tape measure out 😉

Years ago I went to a very posh dinner party with DH and DH’s parents. All the older men asked DH about his job. But they didn’t ask me. Because they just assumed I wouldn’t have a proper job as I am female! And none of their wives worked. And this was before we had kids. I was so offended.

Good god - isn’t it just called making conversation?! Why do you think someone is out to Judge you by your skill set or guess your pay grade?! I mean of course people don’t just ask this question then suddenly leave when you tell them the answer surely?!

I dislike small talk so I choose my answer to make people stop talking to me as quickly as possible. Sometimes I give the weird job description and sometimes the boring one.

I think you're right. People are trying to place you.

I have a pretty impressive job now but generally downplay it a lot when asked. Partly out of genuine modesty,. partly because I had some "lost years " in my twenties (due to illnesses) and I hated how some people looked down on me because I didn't have a high status job, so now I feel quite cross about how people use the question to "place " you. I am just as interesting and valuable a person with or without my job

Rude, othering and almost always done to pigeonhole someone and for social climbing purposes. Actually only social climbers do it.

When you are trying to make conversation you have to think of something to ask, unless the person you are speaking to is brilliant at coming up with their own alternative topics of conversation.

What kind of things do you say to people when you meet them that makes them feel welcome, included and won’t risk them feeling socially inferior? People could judge someone by their name, so is that rude to ask as well?

Just say you work in "media" or "sales" or "healthcare" or just the general industry. No need for a detailed or accurate explanation.

Read a fair bit of this thread and am a bit torn tbh......

I run a bricks and mortar shop, on my own, since DP died nearly 18 months ago. What with trying to get round the headfuck that is unexpected bereavement I have still not managed to go on-line, and I'm struggling massively.

So when I'm asked what I do, obviously I want to publicise my shop. The first question is always "Are you on-line" followed by "how's business ".

Which leads to a lot of awkwardness - if I'm honest I get fifty billion suggestions of things I've already tried and which have not worked. If I brazen it out with "positive thinking" I get requests for charitable donations, selling space for other people's stuff, and the expectation I'm rolling in it. Which I am definitely not. In fact I'm in debt to my eyeballs.

I get that it's a normal sort of "getting to know you" question but when I find myself delivering a rant about the general state of the economy over a drink and watching people slink away in horror I just wish they'd never asked.....

OP, so what do you do?

Well, yes, people who ask this question want to learn more about you. I think assuming it is to ‘judge’ you is taking it a step too far though.

I am a doctor, which usually results in interesting conversation. People also often ask me far more personal questions, including “are you married / do you have children?” and I answer them honestly that I do not. If they want to judge me on any of my career or family circumstances, that’s on them. I’ve no reason to be ashamed so why act like I have something to hide?

There will always be people who judge you on your age, dress, accent, education, job, family, friends, etc. The answer is not to hide away all information, but to just be yourself and allow people to get to know you beyond the stereotypes.

I want to know what you do! :)