Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

I guess because I’ve never had a high paying job (always around average or below) my hackles don’t go up if someone asks me what I do as there’s not much in it for them financially. I’ve never in my life asked someone what they do because I want to know their salary so it wouldn’t occur to me to feel annoyed when I get asked. It’s just chit chat to me. You could be a milkman, deep sea diver, doctor, checkout cashier I don't judge character on your financial status but I might show genuine interest in your job regardless of your salary slip.

And the paranoia and overthinking continues.

Goodness! Life must be exhausting for people who think being asked about their work is someone categorizing you/working out how much you earn/deciding whether you are worthy enough for them to deign to talk to you. It really isn't that important. It is just a conversation opener.

It is just small talk. If you don't like small talk just don't go to places where you might get into conversation with people you have never met before.

I'd expect the person to follow up their answer with a 'how about you?' or other question to me, in accordance with conversational etiquette. I'd then answer and add another opener for them. Anyone who answered with a closed statement of what they did, regardless of whether they were telling me they were unemployed or the director of MI5, without passing on the baton would be potentially hard work conversationally. I'd probably move on for lack of anywhere else to go, not because I'd judged their employment status.

I think that is one of the standard making conversation type questions. Generally people don't really care what you do. They may become engaged if your occupation is something slightly out of the ordinary, but otherwise bit is just a time filler.

It is interesting though that some people seem so defensive about the question. What do you mean when you ask that question? To me, it is just a cut above "how are you doing today?"

I obviously don’t move in the circles where people judge you as being a worthy friend depending on your job. Maybe it’s an upper class thing (not middle as I know lots of middle class people who don’t judge their friends by their jobs, they can’t do as I’m working class and have middle class friends).

It isn’t safe to ask anyone anything these days, for fear of them inventing a subtext for you. How you interpret a very basic question says one hell of a lot more about you than the person asking it. You have judged and stereotyped the questioner in exactly the way you do not want to be judged yourself, and have revealed all your own securities, not theirs, by your interpretation of the question.

*insecurities

Oh people judge alright. I purposefully don’t ask people what they do, it stops me having a predetermined view.

I eventually will discover this about someone, but actually getting to hear people is much easier without a possible pigeon hole.

It’s just a normal way to find out about the person you are talking to. It’s an easy way to build up a picture of who the person is.

If they say they are an art historian you can continue the conversation about their interest in art.

You might discover they work in the same industry as you or it might be someone with contacts you could use further down the line.

Seems to be a lot of chips on shoulders here. I can’t work it out if it’s because they think their jobs are too bland/boring or too high end and everyone will be jealous and after their money.

I agree with this ^^

@Receiverofrage my dh once asked a bloke we’d met on holiday (young children playing together) what he did.

‘I’ve got 16 sex shops in Soho.’ 😂.
He was driving a Rolls.

It’s because their husband has the ‘big’ job and their identity and social standing is wrapped up in that. It’s embarrassing for them to say what they really do because their ego is bigger than their job is.

I just want to stress that I will ask this question because I am genuinely interested in what people do and more often the story behind it.

In retail, when I have been working in the shops you often find that the 'shelf stackers' are in retail as it supports their lifestyle e.g. I have met retired company directors who want to get out a bit more, rocket scientists studying at uni, taekwondo European champions, SAHP who wanted to gain confidence & a role to get them back into full time work, ex-prisoners...................

On one of my work trips to the far east, I was one of 3 women in this room full of business men. One of the women was my boss; the other woman was being ignored so we went to have a chat. She was saying the men were ignoring her as they thought she was 'just a wife' - turned out she was a sex therapist hired by one of the companies! That was one of the most fascinating chats ever!

Ah I think you might be on to something 😁 I just couldn’t work out why all the offence. From what I’ve guaged in life if someone has a high end job they usually love someone asking (or maybe that’s just men). What man doesn’t want to be asked so he can say he’s an airline pilot or a brain surgeon 😁

It is called converstaion. People are looking for common ground. This is a basis for small talk, etc.
I am always interested in other people's jobs. Not because I want categorise them, but because I find it interesting.
There is a whole world of different jobs out there, many of which I know nothing about.
When I started my first job, a weekly magazine came round, advertising internal jobs, with appropriate qualifications. I was not qualified for the jobs, but I never knew these jobs even existed (or even the qualifications!)

I agree with this. I don’t know how people get through any normal human interactions without being able to say what their job is!

it’s small talk - very few people actually care and if they do more fool them!

I was a SAHM for many years. Never minded being asked. Often asked.

Mind you-it's much worse when people ask what my children do. One has a job I don't understand, can't see the point of and which wasn't even a job when I was her age. The other has four!

Crikey. We're not supposed to ask if a person is married or has a partner, we're not supposed to ask if they have kids or grandkids and now we must add asking what someone does for a living to the list.

Yes, some people might be looking to judge you based on your job, but most aren't. If they're anything like me, they're desperately trying to think of something to say or ask, and not seem awkward, shy or standoffish.

If it makes you uncomfortable, why don't you have a stock phrase or question ready so you can change the subject seamlessly.

I ask people that frequently. No judgement whatsoever, just conversation. And I couldn’t give a stuff if people judged me because of what I do - it reflects on them as strange, not me!

Get over yourself op 🤣
Its not rude

Its just conversation

If you dont wanna talk about your oh so complicated life then you say that
And problem solved 🤐

Have you never asked anyone "how was your day" . For some people THAT might be an invasive question

Or "how are you"

Seriously. You can't tiptoe around everyone and every question in life just because people might have a complex life.

Don't we all 🤔?

I have a friend who gets annoyed if anyone asks her what kind of music she likes. I mean really annoyed! She assumes that the person asking has already decided her music taste will be "basic" and "not interesting or cool enough", and so they're only asking to confirm their suspicions and embarrass her. So this offends her, but she doesn't get that her assumption that the person must be a pretentious twat, and not just making small talk, is equally offensive.

I hate te