Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

It depends who is asking and what the tone of the conversation is. For the most part I find people are trying to work out ‘class.’

Sometimes they are trying to make polite conversation.

I come from a background where my father didn’t have an ‘impressive’ job and my mother didn’t work. When I was a teen I used to hate it if people asked what my parents did as I always felt they were trying to work out class and I did find it quite rude.

Its funny because I love my job and happily talk about my job. But it also sounds like not much (and doesn't earn much) so in some circles I feel it's looked down on. I sometimes meet people who try the "let's not talk about work, what are your hobbies?" And I hate it because I don't have any. They then assume that I have no personality or interests, and the whole conversation burns. I often just take something I sometimes do and claim it's in my hobby.

If the question is to make a conversation, then tell me how qould you evolve the conversation If I reply I am a data analyst. Then I ask you what you do and you say you work in retail, now the next question will be about retail or data or would we qui kly jump to weather or some other topic.

It is one of those things we don't think much about and ask but usually it does not do much for conversation unless we are in a professional event or work in the same field.

It is a bit like unconscious things we do without thinking much.

And depending on your answer, people will make some judgement.

Eg a poster here said they dont care but then went on saying if you say you are data analyst, they will think you do boring work. So there is some degree of opinion formed after, why else it would be part of knowing a person. A person is more than a job they do.
You can be a cleaner and a very interesting person, you maybe a highly skilled doctor but very boring person otherwise.

Some people don't care, some people judge.
It is naive to say nobody cares when all you know is you don't.

This. I'm amazed by the paranoia on this thread. I genuinely like people and am interested in their lives without a hidden agenda. I just want to chat with you. I've had a chequered job history too and have had times when I wasn't working or was freelancing and don't think anything less of people whatever they do. I just think it's interesting.

I agree. Often on these threads a dim view is taken of that though. To be satisfied, even proud of your work, and see it as part of who you are is typically dismissed as sad, materialistic and so on. Conversely a lack of interest in career/not having a career is touted as the higher minded more interesting choice. Which is equally as bad as judging the other way round, and seems to be uniquely applied to women who find meaning in their employment, with it being perfectly acceptable for the 'DHs' to love their jobs.

Sorry for typos and lack of question mark in the first para.

My answer, which works for almost everybody (except fellow IT bods), is 'computers' (and make typing action with hands). IT guys sometimes ask for more detail, but it's rare enough I bump into someone who's as deep in the weeds as me, and that we could have any conversation about it.

It is a totally normal question but one that I dread as I'm 'only a secretary' and feel embarrassed at having such a lowly job.

I'd love to have the type of job some of you hate talking about!

You need a broad industry as a one word answer and move the conversation straight on

Food
Finance
Retail
Tech
Pharma
Caring
With Animals
For the council
Health
Justice

any of those work?

Or admin

I tend to presume the asker has simply no personal or conversational skills whatsoever. If you have to resort to asking someone what they do for work as a way of getting to know someone, then you’re probably not that enjoyable to be around anyway.

It just tells you the only thing of importance to the person asking. They don't actually want to know about you. Just make a badly informed guess at your financial worth. A very British concern.

I wouldn’t really class your job as personal info (like your health or finances). Whenever I’ve been asked I’d just say admin. It covers a lot of ground and if they asked further I’d say health sector or finance sector or whatever sector it was in at the time. You don’t need to be specific. It’s really not a big deal.

@CovetedAsFuck

I am sure we would have a lovely conversation.

The vast majority of people who ask that question are genuine and we have a good chat.

The reason why I start at 'retail' is that some people are trying to work out which box to put you in. Trying to work out if you are worthy enough to talk to. I just find out it a useful filter, because let's face it, not everyone is nice.

It's a pretty normal conversation line, are you not happy with something? What does it matter as most people aren't arsed, they are just making polite conversation. Unless they run up to you in the street and demand 'what do you do?!!' ?

I have a job that invites comment and I hate this question, as it always leads into something else.
I'm not a nurse, but I'll use that as an example... I say I'm a nurse and then you get:
Ah! Can you have a look at this weird rash?
I'm waiting for the hospital to get back to me about an appointment, can you hurry it up for me?
I met a nurse in 1992 who was rude to me and not I want to tell you all about it at length...
And so on...

Anyway, it depends on context etc doesn't it.

That’s silly. It’s probably one of the most asked questions when people are getting to know someone.

Goodness I’m glad I’m not your friend or in your social circle! Tell me I’m silly then line up to judge me about my career choices, sounds like a jolly evening!

Wouldn't saying you're in a financial position possibly mean you'd be charged more by tradespeople too though? Some equate financial services with big 💲💲💲

Well I’m glad we’re not in the same social circles too 😁 it’s not a question I use as an opening but it’s certainly a question that can and has been asked (by me and to me). I’ve never asked to see how well off someone is but I really can’t see what’s wrong with it unless the recipient thinks everyone’s after their money🤷‍♀️

What are your personal favourite/acceptable conversation topics when meeting people? What do you ask them and what do you like them to ask you?

Those who ask this to start a conversation, what would yoy say next if the person says - stay at home parent, not working due to illness, etc? Would you make a quick exit because they didn't provide you the content to work with to develop a conversation.

It is just a lazy way to start conversation. But OP, you also need to accept that you need to follow some social norms and answer politely if someone ask this question, rather than saying you do this and that. It is strange thing to say. Say what you do and don't think much if other party will judge or not. Remember, if they judge you for this, then problem is with them.

For people saying it’s a normal question.. it’s only normal in middle class Britain. Up north and among more working class communities, you won’t be asked this.

its also not a question asked very often outside of the UK. I’ve lived in many places and it’s definitely more common in middle- upper class Britain.

Normally if I am taking interest in someones job, it's because I think they might give me some useful info on something I didn't know something about, or give me some perspective that I hadn't thought of before. Everyone has the ability to do this. Even jobs that people might consider mundane, so long as they are significantly different to my own.

It's not really got anything to do with class or social status. I can normally tell that just by general chit chat, demeanor, accent etc and in general people don't tend to socialise with people far above or below their social status anyway.

If you need to ask someones job to find out their "social status" you are probably not paying enough attention.

I also do a fairly boring job and don't want to talk about it! It is on the list of questions to never ask along with "Do you have children?"

I have a friend with various health issues who hates being asked and ends up going into too much detail as justification.

Mainly though, unless you are a spy or rehabilitate injured badgers, I'm not interested. Talk about weather or pets or anything else!