Hes taking a 45l hiking bag for hand luggage

[FriedBrainFood]

Were a family of 4, me, OH, DS 6, and LO baby.
Flying out tommrow I will have LOs changing bag with all his bits and bobs. DS will have his little backpack with spare change of clothes, teddy and colouring. OH usually takes a grey normal sized backpack where we put doucments, snacks and other bits as hand luggage. We've used the bag on other flights it's also wearable for both of us (even though he has this obsession of hanging everything off it.) We are also taking 2 hold luggage and stroller.

Earlier I told OH that we need to put something in the grey bag he said I'm taking my new bag, I asked which one he said it's in the other room, I went and had a look and it's a FUCKING 45L hiking bag with waist straps and just a monstrosity. I said we dont need such a big bag there barley enough seating room. Plus I will have baby in the baby carrier, so will struggle to carry other things. Especially If ASD DS6 has a meltdown and I have to carry him.

From the past few holidays Ive realised for us it's best not to have lots of hand luggage as we never get space in the overhead compartments despite how early we get to our seats, so we've had to put stuff under the seats. OH is also overweight and takes up a bit of extra room, he ends up squashing me most of the time, he always leaves his puffa coat on for the whole flight and just looks uncomfortable. He eventually takes it off but there never any space so he tries to shove it behind my seat for me to use as a cushion, which I dont want, as I'll be holding baby so less room anyway. I've tried to explain myself and the reasons but hes adamant hes going to take it.

I had sorted the bags on friday so everything was manageable but now last minute hes decided take that hideous hiking bag. Hes not packed a single thing, I've done everything, even packed his crap. I'm just fucking pissed off with this type of shit that he does. He always does random shit like this last minute. He doesnt even hike, he hates walking. He won't ever use that bag again. I'm just festering because i know exactly what will happen tomorrow because hes so predictable but as always it will end up being my fault.

To be honest if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t bother going on holiday again after this trip. You don’t sound like you get on, you do all of the work, you sound 100% fed up with him. So why put yourself through all of this grief and martyrdom. Holidays should be exciting especially the build up.

I take a not so tiny case on several airlines (i do check the measurements for each airline) a 45l rucksack not brimming is fine, just look up the size and measure it once packed. You do sound like a bit of a control freak to be honest and having to get in there that he's overweight what's that got to do with anything? You don't sit with your bag on your lap it goes in the overhead locker, him being overweight has nothing to do with it. Ive never been on a flight where I can't put my bag in the locker and I've flown lots.

If it was us travelling as a family we take a big bag so we can use it on days out once there, this is a whole lot of moaning about nothing really.

You are mothering him. Lots of people pack the night before. Just leave him to it. If he lived on his own and was going on holiday he would be quite capable of managing.

For your own sake, put some more boxers in.

Oh, I know it's bizarre.

It was 15 years ago so we laugh about it now but at the time I was speechless. He wanted the weights, there was also some push up bars. He also had an absolutely enormous book. Comedically big.

To this day I don't know what was going through his mind. He's generally quite competent.

Do not put anything else in for him, in fact take anything you've put in out and tell him you've done so and he needs to pack. You have to let him make his own mistakes otherwise youre just martyring yourself into having three children

I’m off on my first ever Ryanair flight today. I’m anxious about my carry on luggage. This is helping me no end!

You asked him to pack his suitcase weeks in advance ????

The bag is fine but ramming a puffa coat behind you is not. Neither is you carrying a baby, a bag and potentially a 6 year old.

If I'm carrying a kid then DH is carrying all of the bags.

45l isn’t that big for a rucksack. I’ve a 25, 50 and 75 and both the smaller ones are within the size requirements for hand luggage. The 50 could be loaded to be overweight though.

Ryanair did a cursory check on our carry on cases. They were bought specifically for airline hand luggage and were fine, no issue. Sports rucksacks were fine but they are half the size of OP's DH's which would have been rejected at time of boarding.

You will be fine as long as you check the dimensions and then weight of everything. I mean actually check don’t guess.

If you have a hard sided case, do not assume that they will allow it if it’s oversized by even an inch ( including the wheels ). It won’t fit in the sizer if they ask you to put it in.

The gate staff do this all day every day and they can easily spot a bag that’s too big or heavy.

If you have a soft sided case you will get away with a bag that’s an inch or two bigger in ONE dimension as long as you don’t overfill it and it can be squashed into the approved size.

You pack weeks in advance? I don't have enough clothes to do that. I'll start thinking about washing stuff I really need like 5 days before and pack the night before we go away

Let him pack his own bag and it's his problem if its too big or overweight and indeed if he doesn't have what he wants or needs. He's a grown man and should be more than capable of providing for himself.
As for stuffing his coat behind you on your seat... Why? How little respect does he have for you that you have to sit uncomfortably for his convenience? Don't put up with it, take it out from behind your back and shove it in his lap.

after asking for weeks on end he still hadnt put anything in the case

Why on earth did you start packing multiple weeks in advance? FWIW my DP has that same backpack and has taken it on Jet2 as hand luggage without problems, and it fit under the seat in front. Packing shortly before you go is fine and his choice of luggage is fine so YABU there. YANBU about him being inconsiderate with his coat etc though.

If someone was badgering me to pack my clothes weeks before a holiday I would resist until the last minute too.
You're being too controlling, you're taking over too much and then making yourself feel too hard done by and complaining about your own actions.
Let him pack his own clothes himself.
Let him bring whatever bag he wants.
Let him sit in his coat if he wants.

It sounds like the main problem is you don't even like him.

I flew Ryanair recently.

I had a carry on suitcase which a lovely flight attendant put up for me (I'm too short).

A rucksack which fitted under my seat & a carrier bag with my coat which also fitted under my seat.

They were taking rucksacks down from the lockers to fit cases in.

Presumably they weren't carry ons though but the one piece of luggage that should go under seat.

You don't need to pack for him and you don't need to pick his hand luggage, he's a grown up. If he wants to try and get an unfeasibly large bag through as hand luggage let him - tbf every flight I've been on in recent years has a few cf who manage it.

You seem to be missing the point that the OP is having to carry ( and manage on the plane )

a baby in a sling
baby’s changing bag which also contains her own personal items for the flight
an autistic 6 year who may have a melt down and need carried
a child’s backpack, which contains everyone’s snacks for the journey

The baby will not get their own seat so she has to deal with this in the space of 2 seats. Do you know how small this is on a Jet2 flight?

The children’s father doesn’t have the luxury of taking a very large 45l bag plus winter jacket just for himself. This means that he will won’t have the space to do anything for his two children. Him “ doing what he wants to “ means that the OP becomes the default carer for the children and their stuff , while he cares for his large bag.

That’s not reasonable. They are his kids too. It’s her holiday too, she’s not just a pack mule.

When they get off the plane, they have to pick up a baby car seat, a buggy and two checked bags. She can’t do this as she has two children and two bags already. He will struggle because he is taking TOO MUCH of his OWN STUFF.

He needs to check any large bags and have a small cabin bag so he can, for example, take charge of his 6 year old and the bag with snacks .

I can understand why the OP is annoyed with him.

@TUCKINGFYP0 won't he just have his 45l bag on his back (the same way as he would have with the smaller rucksack), and can therefore still help out with this stuff?

Well not necessarily @TUCKINGFYP0 . Having a large bag and a winter coat doesn't mean he can't have a baby on his lap or carry a 6 year old, does it? And if he struggles at the other end then it's tough cheese.

Yes that’s right. Passengers who have paid for a cabin bag ( like you ) get to put it in the overhead lockers. jackets can go usually go on top ( not alongside ).

Personal items and jackets ( if you have no cabin bag ) have to go under the seat ( unless the flight isn’t full and they have space overhead ).

@TUCKINGFYP0 EXACTLY what you said. This is totally what is going to happen.

@HoofWankingSpangleCunt

Little brain teaser for you... guess what the banging was when I went downstairs

I totally disagree. The OP's husband having the autonomy to pack his own bag and wear a bloody coat if he is cold has no baring on him being an active parent to his children.
Those are not opposite situations where only one can be true at the same time.
OP doesn't need to make a make herself a martyr. If OP is choosing to wear the baby in a carrier then the DH can deal with the other child.

Don't baby your partner and then complain they don't step up and take the initiative. This is a prime example.