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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think holidays with kids are a bit shite?

141 replies

Moosethroat · 30/05/2023 15:27

Currently abroad with DD7. For the most part, she is okay and we are having a good time but I'm honestly fed up of the spoilt, entitled behaviour. You'd think she took ME away. Just us so no one else to leave her with so I can have a break. We've had some really lovely experiences together: jetski, quads, parasailing etc but just fed up of having to constantly remind her about her behaviour or the way she is talking to me etc, wayyy more than I would at home, it's making me feel on edge like what next. Also she just wants to rush through EVERYTHING no matter how many times I have to remind her that there is plenty of time to do everything and we don't need to do 10 things in one day. I don't want to say its spoiling my time, but I'm definitely reconsidering whether to do this again for the next few years but I want to be able offer her experiences in new countries (and myself!) but thousands of pounds to not feel relaxed doesn't feel like a good deal lol

OP posts:
littleripper · 30/05/2023 16:51

Having read your update I would suggest a family meeting tonight and lay it all out. There are always jobs to do - share these out. Ask DD what she wants to do - she can pick one thing. Tell her what you want to do. Make sure she understands that holidays are not a competition to see who gets the most of what they want, or does the least. Make sure she understands when you will play with her, when she is to amuse herself. Look at restaurant menus together and discuss what YOU want, what her dad wants etc as well as what she wants. Sometimes DC get muddled and start competing with their parents to get the most, be the tiredest etc. Make it clear that she needs to be kind and pleasant or she won't get any more treats.

BHRK · 30/05/2023 16:52

They will remember these holidays extremely fondly so use that as a starting point.
then Just embrace it…. They will be tired, hungry, excited, insane. It won’t be relaxing for you really unless they are amazing swimmers in a pool and you can plop on a sun lounger.
your time will come when they’re older and don’t want you anymore. And you’ll be looking back on all these holidays fondly

junebirthdaygirl · 30/05/2023 16:54

BellaJuno · 30/05/2023 15:54

Is it possible she is over-stimulated with all the activities and needs a quieter day? Sounds like you’re doing a lot of adrenaline type activities, maybe a pool day or similar would help.

This.
The more you do the more she wants. So have a quiet day. You read your book by the pool and she can pop in and out of the water to cool down. Maybe what ever she likes to do at home: colouring or reading her book.
I loved holidays with ours . We mostly did campsites and they made friends to play football etc. I always insisted on my own time to read/ sunbathe as its my holiday too. But, granted l was not on my own. I did go once on my own with 3 teens and the oldest guy sat in the apartment watching TV and only wanted to eat pizza but l enjoyed it with the others and pretty much ignored him.

GeorgeA12 · 30/05/2023 16:54

Ive done this for ten years, its not a holiday! I always tell myself you are just doing the same shite that you do at home just in a different location :-).

EatingWormsMichael · 30/05/2023 17:01

Agree OP, I think especially as a single parent where you can't just tell a partner to watch them while you get some headspace.

I've not bothered with a holiday abroad after some dreadful uk stays where we've argued about leaving the bloody hotel room. Total waste of money.

My ideal would be to go away with friends with kids but even that has its challenges 🙃

CottonSock · 30/05/2023 17:01

Plan a really shit day and then she might appreciate what you are doing for her. I'm obviously half joking here, but I think you should try and have a serious conversation with her. My youngest is almost 7 and I had words with her about whinging and crying on Sunday. Yesterday she came up to me and proudly told me she hadn't cried all day. I think a 7yo should have a decent understanding of the impact of her behaviour on you.
And yes, nook the kids club! She might make a friend. Kids on holiday are much easier with company.

Timeturnerplease · 30/05/2023 17:06

I’m the eldest of four, the youngest being a decade my junior. We went abroad every school holiday, and I remember it well. My poor parents must have been insane. Holidays with overexcited, overtired children seem to be like parenting x100.

When I was pregnant and we were in Croatia I said to DH well we won’t be doing anything this nice again until all of our children are of a civilised age. He was baffled, but now we have a preschooler and toddler he completely gets me.

We’re going to the Lake District this summer with my sister’s family and her similarly aged children so we can at least take shifts 😂

HappiDaze · 30/05/2023 17:11

I always holidayed where they had kids clubs so happy DC happy parents

Tailfeather · 30/05/2023 17:13

We're on holiday at the moment. We chose it because it had an excellent kid's club with loads of watersports...but DS6 is refusing, so I have had to play catch all day in the freezing cold water.

Pottedpalm · 30/05/2023 17:15

We had some great family holidays, the last being when DTs were in their 20s. Even now they try the ‘ooh, can I come too?’ if they like the sound of Florence or Fowey. We did a lot of self catering when they were young, but also some stays in nice hotels .

SoNoWrecksToday · 30/05/2023 17:46

Sounds normal to me! Lower your expectations OP. You say you’re having a good time and she’s ok for the most part. Thats great!

But, that’s also a long list of very exciting activities too. Kids don’t really have a concept of ‘how to do holidays’ so get overwhelmed. High adrenaline and lots of excitement can cause anxiety too for some. Maybe dial it back a bit.

mathanxiety · 30/05/2023 17:50

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 30/05/2023 16:20

I think its the lack of routine and sleep mixed in with excitement makes kids crazy plus I think parents have high expectations of things like holidays, Christmas ect and its just not the reality. I also think being on holiday just the 2 of you is hard, it means your together 24/7 in an even smaller environment then home. The only thing I can suggest is make a plan for the day of what you want to do and what she wants to do and stick to it

This ^

I would also add - have a chat with DD about the energy she's bringing to the holiday and the effect it's having on you.

Ask her to remember that her words and tone of voice make a difference.

DappledThings · 30/05/2023 17:53

Never got the "same shit, different place" narrative. We've enjoyed plenty of holidays with DC. We see a bit less, so we do pander a bit to their museum attention span and we have to be a bit less free and easy about where we eat but other than that not much different to our holidays pre-DC. A few more seeking out playgrounds!

RoseHarper · 30/05/2023 17:59

It can be tricky, a mix of your expectation that it will be this lovely family time, and children over-tired, out of routine, strange place/food etc. We've been lucky ish on holiday but have had some howlers of days out because of the above..I think plan a few chill out days, set expectations, and dont stress too much..we hit the sweet spot when they were around 13 and 9, happy to go off and play themselves, good company in the evenings. Away soon and as they are now teens I'm expecting a whole new set of challenges but I've fairly low expectations about it being perfect so we'll see...

whoruntheworldgirls · 30/05/2023 18:07

Sorry OP that's not my experience, my daughter is nearly 7 and is a brilliant holiday companion, always has been, she behaves as well as she does at home and really appreciates and enjoys her holidays.
I hope things pick up and you have a great rest of your holiday.

IvoryDuvet · 30/05/2023 18:20

I was a single parent with an only DC and always went on a group single parent holiday - there are a few companies that do them. It was brilliant as the kids made friends really quickly and there were lots of adults to chat to and share childcare with. I'm still good friends with a couple of mums I met on one of the holidays.

My DS is grown up now but he has fond memories of our holidays and is also still friends with a couple of the lads he met.

I would never have gone away just me and DS - we're both sociable and needed the company of our peers! I barely saw him on those hols as he was off playing with the other kids! Suited us both fine 😀

sadsack78 · 30/05/2023 18:21

I think taking your kids on holiday is similar to Christmas day with dc.
Parents doing months of planning, budgeting and hard work so their dc can have great experiences and have lovely childhood memories.
If you do it well, your kids just remember all the good stuff, and don't notice you running around in the background doing all the work!

You're doing a great job, OP. And as another poster said, schedule in quiet time for yourself, and don't feel like you have to do 5 activities in a day.

SpudleyLass · 30/05/2023 18:22

YANBU.

My dad has paid for us all to be in Disneyland Paris this week - 13 pf us total - which I am obviously very grateful and appreciate the free holiday, but DD has profound ASD, can't talk and whatnot and to say it is so far been challenging is an understatement.

Heck, I've found the environment to be overwhelming, never mind her.

Oh and I adore my nieces and nephews but they have been pretty naughty too and not letting my husband, their uncle by marriage, get a break from entertaining them whilst back at the villa. They're usually lovely but I've had reason to "tell them off" this week.

Outside of those precious few hours when the kids are asleep, its not really much of a holiday tbh.

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 18:23

Awww... I love holidays with my children (now 9 and 11). I look forward to them all year and when they happen I want them to last forever. I'm so sorry you r not getting to experience this magic.

My advice would be to try and relax and just enjoy being with her! Keep some boundaries, and don't let her get away with rudeness, but otherwise I'd pick my battles! Focus on the fact you have no washing to do, no chores to get done, no work, and just quality time with DC! If you relax and don't sweat the small stuff, she will too :) Also - try a few things like eating pizza in bed in the evening watching TV! Going for a night stroll along the beach, going for a picnic or day and swimming with her in the sea. Maybe reduce the number of formal activities - they, in combination with loads of treats, can get kids over tired and quite grumpy!

Try and enjoy it if you can OP, you'll miss these days!

JussathoB · 30/05/2023 18:23

She is perhaps very excited? Bossing you around because she feels like you two are playing together? It’s a pity not to enjoy this time on holiday, I had many enjoyable holidays with children despite the fact you have to watch them carefully for safety etc.
Get an early night both and plan a nice day doing beach or pool etc and whatever your DD already knows what to do there. Are there any other girls of similar age around … if she found a playmate that might help!

LlynTegid · 30/05/2023 18:24

Insolence and entitled behaviour are on the key stage 2 curriculum now, don't forget OP!!!!

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 30/05/2023 18:27

It is not inevitable that teenagers will be shits on holiday, by the way. I loved going away as an only child with my mum and dad. BUT I always made friends with someone, right down to age 6 or so. Honestly OP the kids club is as much for the children as the adults. Use it!!

Tereo · 30/05/2023 18:28

I enjoy most holidays with the kids overall but have had some nightmare moments and times.. One holiday my 3 year old son stopped talking to me and was really rude to me for day s on end...it was bizarre . He's now a lovely 17 year old... Don't know what happened but he's a sensitive kids and was overwhelmed I think but it was a nightmare..
Your dd sounds like my 11 yo dd... Lovely kid but very high energy and demanding of herself and others... Don't know what to advise but i am constantly pushing back on dd resisting demands and she is slowly learning and definitely not split but she is go go go and exhausting at times..

Rocket1982 · 30/05/2023 18:29

Go on holiday with someone who has a kid their age and they have someone to play with.

stayathomer · 30/05/2023 18:30

I told my friends recently holidays with kids are like the highest highs but ALWAYS accompanied but the most miserable, struggling bits in between (actually we generally finish on these bits so we can question why we'd ever go away!!) The highs are pretty effing epic though so am torn ... and we do keep doing it ...